Advice? SIS and SSI

[Spookwriter]

Pineapple, You gave me some excellent advice the other day.
Your words were on the money. I've went back and read that
many times.

Tonight I'll see if I can find the words that encourage you in your
own struggles with life.

Somebody posted a thread the other day, something about what
being a grown-up means. I didn't really know how to answer that.

When I look in the mirror, shaving in the mornings, I know one thing
for certain.

I've got to live with that man looking back at me.

I don't lie.
I don't cheat.
And I don't steal.

Words that could well be chisled in the stone. I do not bend.

Those simple rules are a part of how I live my life. This is how I treat my
family. And in turn, this is how they treat me. I am a husband, and a father.
I owe it to my wife and daughter, to be the best husband, and father, I can be.
And I struggle everyday to do the right things.

For me to be worthy of their faith in me.

I'm not down on SSI, or food stamps, or any other public assistance for the
many people that really need it. They are truly great programs. I'm glad a part
of our taxes fund these programs. We donate excess food to the local food banks.
I believe very much in giving back to my community.

Through the years, we've given many things to those less fortunate than ourselves.
Food, money, cars, tires,....biggest thing my Dad and I ever gave away was house to
a dear, and close friend after her husband passed away. By the wonderful grace of God,
He has allowed me to make a comfortable living for my family.

And I in turn, try to be both a good stewart and a good example to my family, my friends,
and my neighbors. The headstone last week was not about the money. It was about the
WHYS of what I was doing.

Did not mean this to be such a long post and I will bring it to a close now, with my point.

I know it is hard to deny your sister. But in pleasing her, it puts you in a place of doing wrong.

And you also have to live with the face in the mirror.

 

[PineappleMama]

Sounds like you're a lot like me actually. I've done fairly well with the not enabling stuff. No, you can't live here. No I won't lie so you get FS. No I don't have some cash you can 'borrow' until Wednesday (makes me think of Wimpy every time)... but I don't enjoy the confrontation.

Piney =

Appreciate the boost though. It does help to hear 'you're doing the right thing' now and again.

 

[PineappleMama]

UPDATE

Mom called to say that Sis was kicked out of the shelter AND that CPS was called on her.

Only rule I know for sure was the 'in by X -I think 6 but don't know for sure- o'clock. If you're late then you're out.
Other than that I have no idea what could have gotten her booted.
But, considering she's the one that informed me of that rule, she knows it.
She has her own car so if she was late she has no one to blame but herself.

CPS wise... I'm afraid to ask. Obviously if she was in a shelter where needs are provided then it can't be a neglect kind of thing. Food, roof, clothes are all provided. So, the only option is abuse and that's just freaking scary.

Mom says Sis went to her Ex's house (mind he lives with his parents, his sis and her two girls AND his son and he's about 40) and they let them hang there for a bit... now she's at mom's until Monday evening (no school Monday) then they're going to let her stay at Ex's house until Thursday so DD can finish the school year. After that who knows.

So... that's the latest... Mom is advising her to give the baby to the Dad's family... yeah, they are SO much more responsible... on section 8, food stamps, every kind of assistance because Pookie (yes she chooses to go by that) says her hubby who works full time and lives there doesn't live there... so, all bills paid, drive new cars, name brand clothes, AND they get rent from a couple of people who stay with them too. Yeah, great example for yet another kid. Bad enough Pookie's own kids think that's the way to go. GAH! ANYWHO, mom said to dump the baby with them and to check herself into the psych ward... no mention of where DD would be, but I'm guessing mom would want to take her again... she's tried a couple of times to take her in the past... honestly she has enough problems she does NOT need another chance at being a mother... I shudder at the thought since I've been there and done that and know just what issues get left behind.... hello look how well Sis turned out.

I know I do NOT have the patience for another baby. Figured that out when I sat for him for a few hours... I about went insane. I'm so used to communicating with my kids. They tell me when they're hungry/thirsty. They go potty if they need to. It's a pretty big jolt to have no communication... just standing there like a goob not knowing what's wrong. Anywho, so I know there's no way we could take the baby even if we could afford it... but the thought of that other side getting him just scares the crap out of me.

With DD it's the same... the thought of mom getting her... OMG doesn't cut it... but it's a lot to take on another child... don't know if we could handle it. We have before for months at a time, CPS involved before, but it was hard on us and on DD too.

Geez what a flaming mess.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Any cousins or other relatives who might be able to take them both?

 

[colowyo0809]

Sorry you are going through all this. Although, to be honest, you sound like your describing a good portion of my family. My "father" was receiving social security because he could not work due to a back injury. This same man, however, while collecting SSI, would get up on roofs to do roofing jobs and would paint parking lots.

. I've received food stamps before when needed. There for a few months I wasn't working because I wasn't able, was too sick to, and I got food stamp assistance. Had trouble making the other bills meet but at least I had food! I totally understand the whole worry for the kids thing, one of my sisters had both of her daughters taken away by DFS, one of them was returned to her although the other refused to go back, and now she's pregnant and due in June. I offered months ago to take the youngest daughter if things were going to be rough so she could get things figured out and I got turned down. That "free" money for each kid program is really not a good incentive to get a job. However, I also know someone who was on support as a single mother of three and working part time and going to school full time. She graduated college, went off the support (except child support) and went to work full time. Also got married!
Good luck, I hope everything works out for you!
Matthew Ryan

 

[PineappleMama]

^ See now that would be awesome... that's a great way to use those programs.

But, she's had over seven years to get her GED and has always blown it off.
Mom, School Counselors, Her Dad's side, plenty have offered to help, payed for classes, etc. but she blows them off.
No GED no college. Though she does talk a good 'getting my act together' game.
The latest one was CPR Training... something about getting certified so you can teach others CPR?
Her friend was doing it and making lotsa money... yada yada... started wearing scrubs for pete's sake.
But that just suddenly was no longer talked about, no more scrubs, just poof.

Then of course was the time they were living with Pookie and she got an 'insurance job' that paid $600/day.
Don't you know something is wrong with THAT! It was a check cashing scam that Pookie talked her into.
This is when we found out that Pookie and the BF both had records as long as your arm.
Sis was the one the cops came after, though she has yet to serve any time OR pay a fine YET... but we have no clue what's going on...
maybe Sis does, but she's constantly lying about this or that so even if she says something it could be bogus.
For all we know there are warrants out for her...
and bonus points for Pookie for draining Sis's ATM while she wasn't looking... 'cuz HER $600/day wasn't enough?

They're just warped... I can't imagine leaving a child with them... but there's no where for US to put him.
DD, well our DD has bunk beds, they are the same size and grade, so it's not too much of a shock finances wise.
A little extra on food (not much since I tend to make extra) and a little extra hot water... not that bad.
But a baby... we have NO baby stuff, and I think Sis prolly sold/gave away/took to Austin most of hers.
Our son has bunks but a baby can't sleep in one, and there is NO room for a crib in any of the bedrooms.
This house ... man but the bedrooms are tiny... not to mention definitely not the same food or clothes needed.
And, the previously mentioned patience issues... I feel like crap for not even considering it, but I think it'd be a disaster.

Of course, if we take DD AGAIN then we'll have Sis here all the time (or not at all, she goes either way) and maybe CPS poking their nose in AGAIN... that was a PAIN... I mean, those people even stick their nose in your pantry for pete's sake.

Meh, well we have to get son to karate so the rambling rant ends for now.

Appreciate the kind thoughts, especially for the babies... they just don't deserve this crap.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Don't foster parents get some financial support for the children they take in? Perhaps you could become their official foster parents; that funding would help you provide the things that you do not have and would need for a baby. If so, then there would be specific rules about your sister's contact with them, and she would not be able to take them back without going through the proper hurdles. It's worth talking to CPS about--at least then you will have a better idea of things (although they will probably not be able to tell you full details of the case).

 

[thechickenchick]

AND this my dear sweet Pineapple, is why I do not talk to or associate with my sister. Her life style and choices are so very different from mine. We will never see things the same way. She is like your sister in many ways, I won't get into the parentage of her kids but there are 4. She has never held a job for more than a few months, and pretty much the same things you said about your sister plus a few "bonus" points for selfishness. She is also trying to apply for benefits because of a depression/mental disability. Well get your butt out of bed for more than going to the bar, that would depress me too!

I am the one like your self that is a SAHM and capable of handling responsibilities. Yes, I have worked my fair share. Until 3 years ago when DS was in an accident I worked full time with one short exception from the time I was 16 to 37. I do not sit on my butt at home and eat Bons bons while watching soaps like my sister would like to think. I moved to a different town so I don't have to hear or see what kinds of things or people she is doing!

I am sorry you are going through this, I hear ya!

 

[bkreugar]

Pineapple I don't ~think~ I will offend you, not trying to anyway, but can't your sister get "fixed" permantly?? Seems like if not, you will just keep doing this over and over again.
I personally do NOT think bad of you for not wanting the baby.I TOTALLY hear ya on the not enough patience.I have a 12yr old and 7yr old and I am SOOO glad to be done with baby stuff. I also do not have patience for another baby, and I DID get fixed.So if I were to get pregnanat now it would NOT be a happy thing here.My dh is ALSO glad to have more of my time and attention.

You are worrying yourself WAY more than she is I assure you!!!

 

[PineappleMama]

So, Mom says that Sis was screaming at the baby last night and she had the audacity to say that darn this and that isn't going to do any good with a five month old... Sis didn't much care for that so she took off. Went back to the cousin's of BF where he's staying. Said she's thinking of just giving up all her kids and taking off. Specifically trying to work out a deal with her ex hubby to take DD and raise her with her brother... good points there, but the guy STILL doesn't have a place of his own... they live in a STY (I mean REALLY gross) with his parents, his sister -out of prison now- and her two girls ... they can't take care of themselves now... adding another to the mix is scary. Not to mention the neighborhood, we used to live there too and it's NOT good. Schools suck, drug dealers/labs, sex offenders on every block... no way I'd want my 7yr daughter there. Still, that would be an improvement over the current mess. Oddly enough though she hasn't called me at all. Anyone want to guess why? We've shown in the past we're able, just seems weird that she didn't even ask. Babywise, I think her Ex is trying to talk her into putting him up for adoption... that would be way better than giving him to the BFs family. Criminals, Fraud, Assault, Drugs... and that's just Dad! N'mind the rest... this BF evidently has EIGHT other kids he doesn't take care of... and neither does his family. The odds that they'll suddenly want this particular one, when they hate his mama's WHITE bum... well it's just a stretch.

Mom says to her friend... "I have two responsible kids and one who's an irresponsible partier. For the life of me I can't figure it out. I raised them all the same"

HA! Yeah right, but I am a bit biased in that opinion.

Sonoran

In the past when we had DD, via CPS and court order, we got NO help of any kind. Keep in mind we're already below the official poverty line with our two. Obviously we'd be lower with a third. But because she wasn't our child, and only 'temporarily placed' with us we weren't given any help. Not a huge deal, food/clothes wise... but insurance wise that's a biggie. As to visitation... that was a joke. She showed up when she wanted, disappeared for a week, on and off and up and down... including a nice little blow up where she called me every name in the book in front of her kids AND mine... strung out at the time, but still. DD herself isn't a big burden, she has issues, but she's not a big huge problem at all. But Sis, CPS, etc IS a huge heartburning, migraining pain in the... everything.

Chick... wow, sounds quite familiar. I was surprised when I saw the topic about this being a TREND... I thought it was just MY sis... scary to think of all these kids in these situations. What the heck is in the water? Crack? Are the hormones in the food botching people's normal instincts to protect their kids? It's a great big what to put it bluntly.

bkreugar she got 'fixed' in December. She tried to get it done after her son was born five years ago but at the last minute the doctor refused due to her age. She did try, that once. After that BC took a back burner. You're kids are so close to mine! DS is 12 June 16th... DD will be 8 in August. Glad to hear I'm not the only one who is happy with the status quo.