after Chickenstock had to face 1 mad husband

[dipence71]

Quote:
I have to respectfully disagree. For many many yrs I was the "make him a special dinner gal" after he was the one who was being hurtful. And it doesn't pay to ALWAY put the other persons interest and preferences ahead of your own because eventually you will blow and that isn't good for anyone, trust me.

It took me many years to figure out what I actually like. Instead of just copying what the other person in your life likes. It is still a challenge to not fall into that old do as he does mentality.

Be strong, like what you like and don't let him dismiss you or your interests. He will either learn to respect you or he wont, and either way you are better off knowing where you stand. I am still working on it myself but it is a work in progress lol.

aarrggg there is just so many things wrong with how you say he treated you and believe me I know my DH who is not always so dear, is the same way at times. Sometimes they just need to be relieved of air....did I say that out load lol....yes I did

And the whole do unto others as only works if you have other people who believe this or you just become a whipping post.

Some quotes from facebook I enjoy:
From this point on I'm going to treat people exactly how they treat me. Some should be glad. Others should be scared.

if i were to do unto others as others do unto me, how much jail time is that?

note to self... just stop, take a deep breath and remember murder is still against the law.

All kidding aside he is being a jerk. Seriously it is no wonder we have chickens because they don't treat us like garbage.

 

[Spookwriter]

Kathy... I'm an old man. Been around a long time.

Been married my whole life. She was my best friend when we were young.
And you know what? Time has made us closer than ever. She's still my best
friend. I couldn't imagine a weekend without her. Don't want to. I told her her
just today, as we went out for lunch, that she's never more than one thought
away from my mind.

It'll take an act of God to get us apart some day.

Most of the time we're within speaking distance of each other. She's never
worked outside the home, and I work at home. You would think we would get
tired of each other but you know, that never seems to happen. You see one of
us, you can bet the other one is right close by. Even at Wal-Mart. And I hate going
there. But that's where she wants to go.

True enough she doesn't look quite like she did thirty years ago. Amazingly enough,
neither do I. Being thought of as being "pretty" or "ugly" isn't about how a person
looks on the outside. That kind of beauty is only skin deep. Has nothing at all to do
with the person we are inside.

Don't ever let anybody make you feel ugly inside. Life's too short to waste feeling bad.

Would I make my wonderful wife feel bad over something in her car? No more that she
got upset with me when my brother and I hauled four baby calves home from the livestock
auction in the family station wagon. (We didn't go to buy anything, but that's another story)
We've had other cars before this one, and we'll probably have more cars later. I know right
where they sell them.

She has her own hobbys. That's fine with me. I want her to be happy doing whatever it
takes to make her happy. She isn't my slave. She's my wife. I know how to clean the house.
And I will, if it's dirty. I'm all grown up. I know how to vacuum, wash dishes, do the laundry.
But she does that most of the time. Lately she's into making blankets. That's fine with me.
She got a collection of Barbie dolls, nic-nacs...whatever she think she wants to enjoy. And that's
fine with me.

I need to support her, just as she supports me. I would not be where I am today, without her
behind me. Marriage is kinda like that. It takes both of us loving each other, to make it work.

Things she wants me to do, or needs me to do, she marks on my calendar beside my desk.
Something I look at all day long. That way I know when it's time to put on a coat and tie and
go dancing.

 

[Sugar Sand Farm]

spookwriter do you give lectures or do tutorials If you could teach more of the men around to act and think like that there wouldnt be all these women on here complaining about their husbands.lol I am afraid in fit right in with all the other wives on here most of the time DH does not stand for dear husband. I get the feeling that I am taken for granted and I believe most of us on here feel that way at some time. So do all of us a favor and start an online class for all those untrained husbands who forget that it takes two for a good marriage to work.

 

[Germaine_11.20]

Quote:
I have to respectfully disagree. For many many yrs I was the "make him a special dinner gal" after he was the one who was being hurtful. And it doesn't pay to ALWAY put the other persons interest and preferences ahead of your own because eventually you will blow and that isn't good for anyone, trust me.

It took me many years to figure out what I actually like. Instead of just copying what the other person in your life likes. It is still a challenge to not fall into that old do as he does mentality.

Be strong, like what you like and don't let him dismiss you or your interests. He will either learn to respect you or he wont, and either way you are better off knowing where you stand. I am still working on it myself but it is a work in progress lol.

aarrggg there is just so many things wrong with how you say he treated you and believe me I know my DH who is not always so dear, is the same way at times. Sometimes they just need to be relieved of air....did I say that out load lol....yes I did

And the whole do unto others as only works if you have other people who believe this or you just become a whipping post.

Some quotes from facebook I enjoy:
From this point on I'm going to treat people exactly how they treat me. Some should be glad. Others should be scared.

if i were to do unto others as others do unto me, how much jail time is that?

note to self... just stop, take a deep breath and remember murder is still against the law.

All kidding aside he is being a jerk. Seriously it is no wonder we have chickens because they don't treat us like garbage.

OMG you just sang my song! You are right. Sometimes your partners do what they do because they feel they can. I lived life a long time always thinking "it was me" "if I would just do better" finally I realized it would never be good enough and said goodbye.
He was very very sorry but it was too late for that. The love was gone, taken bit by bit by the way he treated me. When I asked him why he had... he told me it was because he never thought I would leave. So very sad.
I am now married to a wonderful, loving caring man who is my best friend. He makes me strive to be a better person through his example by the way he treats me and others. I am truly blessed.

 

[kathyinmo]

Quote:
I agree with you, self pity can snowball.

Quote:
I agree .... I often find when we put our spouse first, over ourself, we are much happier. Of course it works best when both spouses feel this way. On the other hand, it usually starts with just one, and the other seems to mimic it. I have seen it happen.

To the OP .... I do hope you are feeling better about yourself. I know sometimes it just takes time. Other times it takes an apology and efforts to make the other one feel empowered and cared about.

 

[dipence71]

Quote:
I second that

 

[WalkingWolf]

Quote:
I don't believe in taking or giving marital advice from the internet, but SS I feel is correct here. I am no expert so please take what I and others say as opinion, and seek advice from a professional, and comfort from family and friends. In my opinion you two have grown apart, and filling loneliness with your hobbies. It may take a professional to help you two reconnect.

 

[Julie08]

Quote:
thank you for sharing this, you are so right

 

[Orchid]

Quote:

Well done, sir, well done.

To the OP, it sounds like you and your husband have vastly different interests and perspectives on housekeeping, etc. and you both have allowed these differences to push you apart. With a little work and the help of a counselor that can be overcome.

That being said, it is NOT okay for your husband to treat you this way. In my experience, people will treat you the way you allow them to - give him respect and demand that he give it to you in return. If you had left the goose poo stinking up the van for three days, yeah, okay, I can see him being mad for three days. I don't want to drive around smelling goose poo either. But you cleaned it out as soon as you arrived home, so he needs to put on his big boy Wunderoos, say thanks for cleaning that out right away, how was your trip, did you have fun? That's how a real man behaves. He's acting like a spoiled little boy.

 

[only one lay]

after reading the entire post My only comment is that balance is do able but always work, my wife and i realized our time away doing other things allowed the time together to be more enjoyable. Now that shes sick and on the way out of my life I miss her for the future already.

On the lighter side- tell the man your getting ready to take care of all his stuff for him as none of it goes with us to the grave,
relationships are the only thing going.