Am I in the Right, Or am I in the Wrong??? UPDATE Pg. 14)

[Elite Silkies]

Quote:
Going to try to say this in a nice way. If your standing there like a Jay Bird and that's the only response you got, then we need to look deeper and find out what's going on. If you weren't Jay Birdin it, I would try that (of course when the children are asleep). If he doesn't respond to that, then I would ask him why he has NO interest. That's not normal male behavior.

Men do have thier Peaks and Off Peaks though. I do not know how old he is, but my husband hit is Off Peak when he was around 40ish. But, alot of stress can also play into this factor. My husband was working 16+ hours a day and was exhausted.

When you have kids, you have to learn how to make time for each other. You can get lost very quickly.

As for the Mother, you do not have to play her head games.

 

[HarlansHollowFarms]

Quote:
Not going because of someone else is childish. Your DH is the best man....and you can not choose who your SIL is friends with. What are you really afraid of?

The "R" person and my DH will have to walk down the aisle together. That would mean that he would be breaking his promise to me about never talking to her or being around her.

Personally would you go if you had to see that and it would make you so mad that your palms would get all sweaty and your stomach sick.

Yes I would go...he is not breaking his promise....he is not purposely talking or being around this woman. Now who is being childish?

 

[Sunny the Hippie Chick]

Quote:
If you walk over to them playing their games NAKED, I suspect the sister and BIL would leave!

That would be funny. But some thing I would never do. It would embarass me way to much. And they wouldnt be able to leave, DH goes to their town and picks them up and brings them here. SIL & BIL dont have a liscence or car.

 

[HarlansHollowFarms]

Quote:
Going to try to say this in a nice way. If your standing there like a Jay Bird and that's the only response you got, then we need to look deeper and find out what's going on. If you weren't Jay Birdin it, I would try that (of course when the children are asleep). If he doesn't respond to that, then I would ask him why he has NO interest. That's not normal male behavior.

Men do have thier Peaks and Off Peaks though. I do not know how old he is, but my husband hit is Off Peak when he was around 40ish. But, alot of stress can also play into this factor. My husband was working 16+ hours a day and was exhausted.

When you have kids, you have to learn how to make time for each other. You can get lost very quickly.

As for the Mother, you do not have to play her head games.

 

[Sunny the Hippie Chick]

Quote:
The "R" person and my DH will have to walk down the aisle together. That would mean that he would be breaking his promise to me about never talking to her or being around her.

Personally would you go if you had to see that and it would make you so mad that your palms would get all sweaty and your stomach sick.

Yes I would go...he is not breaking his promise....he is not purposely talking or being around this woman. Now who is being childish?

But this "R" person will think if she is around him this one time. That she is automatically ok to be around him at any time. Then she will start showing up at my house looking for SIL then. This person "R" dont think like other people. If I even say hi to her, she will think all is forgiven. But it is not.

 

[HarlansHollowFarms]

Quote:
If you walk over to them playing their games NAKED, I suspect the sister and BIL would leave!

That would be funny. But some thing I would never do. It would embarass me way to much. And they wouldnt be able to leave, DH goes to their town and picks them up and brings them here. SIL & BIL dont have a liscence or car.

Sounds like you have much bigger problems then just a wedding!

 

[Sunny the Hippie Chick]

Quote:
That would be funny. But some thing I would never do. It would embarass me way to much. And they wouldnt be able to leave, DH goes to their town and picks them up and brings them here. SIL & BIL dont have a liscence or car.

Sounds like you have much bigger problems then just a wedding!

I would be to embarassed if my BIL saw me like that, thats why I would be embarassed. But when the kids are asleep. I do walk around in my birthday suit sometimes.

 

[ranchhand]

Quote:
That would be funny. But some thing I would never do. It would embarass me way to much. And they wouldnt be able to leave, DH goes to their town and picks them up and brings them here. SIL & BIL dont have a liscence or car.

Sounds like you have much bigger problems then just a wedding!

I think some mature thinking may be needed. By both you and DH. This is like watching a trainwreck in slow motion.

Please cowgirl up and deal with it. And DH needs to cowboy up. Sounds like you both need to do some growing up and learn to be a team. If not? Well, I can tell you divorce is never pretty.

 

[TyrannosaurusChix]

ok lemme try this again

ive learned that you can only control you.

If it were me id tell DH to go, that I dont want to go, that i dont want him to go, but ultimately its not my decision to tell him not to attend his own sister's wedding. i wouldn't want to be resented down the line for it.


If he goes, I would go. That way i wouldnt turn into a jealous velociraptor asking all but 5 million questions on what happened, if she clinged to him, etc. I would go IF he decided to go , so i would KNOW what exactly happened... and BTW i would stick to him like maple syrup on a shag rug.


You cant control R, you cant control your MIL, or CIL, or even your DH.

You can control how YOU handle the situation, that would turn out the best for you and your family.

 

[HeatherLynn]

I personally would go to the wedding. He will resent you no matter what he says. The only way to deal with a women like that is to not back down. She wins if you don't go because of her. This is just another stroke to her ego. I would go, I would keep my hands all over my husband. I would have an awesome time and if she bothered talking to me I would treat her like some smelly piece of trash. That seems to fit her personality so I would run with that. I don't think he should be the best man if he will be paired with her and thats something he has to ensure. He needs to be your escort, not end up escorting the bridesmaids which is what usually happens. But thats his choice and he needs to know that this is his responsibility. He slips up there is no third chance so he better be walking a straight line. I would not go camping with them if the world was ending though. A wedding has a set beginning and end time that you know you can plan for and survive. The camping trip just seems to be asking for drama and failure.

In the end she is responsible for her actions and he is responsible for his. She is a bad choice for a friend and not someone you should invite into your lives but attending the same wedding is not an invitation and attitude can convey that. He is responsible for his actions. He messed up and your trust is obviously not back yet. I would let him know that. The ball is in his court and he needs to do what he needs to do to fix that. Its his job. You can't baby sit him though and if that means he messes up again then he is not the right one. Why waste your time with the wrong one who you can't trust when the right one is out there wondering around while you are wasting your time. Good luck. Enjoy the wedding. and make sure you buy a hot dress for it!!

As far as the gaming goes. My husband stopped playing a few years after I started playing with him. I was getting a bit too much unwanted attention from guys and he suddenly realized that he had been ignoring me and that was a bad combo. He did not guess this on his own. I had to tell him and then I walked away to let him think. He came to his own conclusions and the game went away. Even if he doesn't stop you guys should set time limits. Those online games can suck away years of your life. We were hardcore gamers for 2 years before reality hit us both and they were wasted years that almost ended our marriage. No game is worth that.