Am I right to be upset?

[ChickyLove]

Quote:
Have you been forthright with her and told her that you and your wife are getting frustrated with the situation as it is, that she needs to uphold her end of things because if she doesn't you'll be forced to ask her to find other living arrangements?

 

[chicmom]

Quote:
Well then, if she's smart enough to handle a job and college, then she's smart enough to pick up after herself and contribute a little grocery money.

 

[SarniaTricia]

I have to agree with all the postings....
I am a landlord. I have a rental agreement that clearly outlines the responsibilities of the tenant and landlord, as per the act.
I go through this contract with every tenant and tell them that if you do not pay, if you do not take out the trash, I WILL EVICT YOU.
Sounds harsh, but so is evicting someone you like, or are related to.

You need a contract, clearly outlining what her room and board covers and her responsibilities as a boarder.
Good luck.

Tricia

 

[ChooksinChoppers]

I'm with everyone else! Contract...make her sign
I should have done this with my son and his pregnant GF......who after the baby was born couldnt possibly do any housework "because I'm a new mother and he is my first and only priority" Then hid in their room all the time so there "wouldnt be confrontations" That just made me

er!
Then my son had the gall to say I couldnt kick them out because they were contributing with their food stamps

Well, they don't live here anymore and now her mother has them.
It will only get worse Jimz1...sign her up on the dotted line!

 

[feather and mountain man]

I have not read all the replies but I will reply to the OP.

You are entitled to feel anyway you want. It is your house and you make the rules. I would tell her that while you love her and want her there (if you do) That you are not comfortable with having other peoples children brought to your home. This is not ok and needs to stop.

I don't know her age but she seems to be very young and testing the limits as young people tend to do. Be firm yet let her know you love her. It sounds as though you are now playing a parental role for her. So you should probably take on that role and treat her as your own.

Good luck.

 

[wattsjadajoe]

Been there and done that!!

I will say, that what ever you decide...and there is good advice here....you will no longer be "the favorite Uncle"!

We have had family (wife's sister) and friends live with us over the years for various reasons, and the ONLY way to get them out is not going to be a good way to them!

If you like the life you have worked for...then make it yours again!

JMO

Joe

 

[Nicole01]

I agree with everyone! It's hard moving others into your home whether they help with rent or not. You are being more then patient. You need to set the rules and stick by them!

 

[weeders n feeders]

You are not doing her any favors by being so tolerant. I don't even allow my own children to act this way. My 16 year old has to keep her own bedroom and bathroom straightened and is responsible for washing, hanging on the line and folding everyone's clothes. The 21 year old is only home during school breaks but also has to keep his room up here and is responsible for half his college tuition payments and all his personal expenses now. He also helps out with groceries and small things when he is home. If he comes back home after graduating we will charge him rent in addition to household responsibilities. Granted I may take the rent money and put it into college fund for possible future grandchildren but he will not need to know that.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Conditions were, she would have to keep her room clean,( she has most of the upstairs to herself), help with laundry, load and unload dishwasher,and help keep downstairs clean and help with groceries. The most unimportant part was rent. We told her when she got on her feet just throw a little money our way. Well, it's been 6 months now, and she does do laundry, but She is a pig. The upstairs is filthy. dirty dishes left out, clothes all over the place. She hasn't once cleaned the living room, loaded the dishwasher twice, never helped with groceries, and only psid us $100.

Sit her down for a heart-to-heart family meeting. Tell her that you love her, that you were willing to open your home to her, but that she has failed to meet her end of the bargain. If she is willing to keep the original agreement (and have it written out in detail), you are willing to allow her to continue living with you, but if she is not, that she will have to find another place to live. If she is willing, have her sign the agreement.

Your general list is not specific enough. You need to specify that she load and unload the dishwasher daily (assuming that is the frequency you desire), that she sweep/vaccuum/mop/dust--whatever help you are wanting, and at the frequency you want (daily, weekly, MWF, whatever), that she needs to do her own laundry, up to and including putting clean clothing back in her closet/drawers. You need to specify the cleaniness level you expect in her room and the other upstairs rooms she uses. For instance, used dishes need to be brought back to the kitchen and washed, trash needs to be taken out and not allowed to pile up, etc. The rooms she uses other than her bedroom need to be kept as clean as you want the rest of the house kept. Allow her a little more leeway in her bedroom--but not so much that it is filthy. Tell her how much money you expect for groceries or rent.

And of course tell her that babysitting must be in the child's home--not your home.

I understand being a bit nebulous on your phrasing for what you expect from her; I'd probably have started that way too, but once she strayed so far from your intentions, you need to set your foot down and make sure she understands your expectations.​

 

[danielle82]

Is she calling it her dungeon because she has crapped it up by making a mess? is it possible she has never been taught how to pick up after herself? I know it sounds silly, but some people just don't have as clue

Can you offer to make a daily chart kinda like one would do for a child? Like make your bed, put laundry in dirty hamper, put clean clothes away, bring dirty dishes to dishwasher daily etc? At least when she moves out of your house you'll know she at least knows how to keep a home nice, whether she does it or not is her choice. Maybe tell her that as long as she is living in your house, she needs to do her chart every day so that there isn't any hard feelings? tell her it takes all of 20 minutes a day, and thats a small price to pay for a decent living area