Am I right to be upset?

[NovaAman]

By not enforcing the rules, you are enabling her to not have to grow up and be responsible for herself.
By her not following the rules, she's clearly a person who has no respect for other people, family or not, and is using you and enjoying the benifits of continuing to be childish.

SO, I'd say give her ONE more chance. Next time she's disrespects the house rules you've laid down, she's out. If she has a job she can afford her own place. Let her trash her own place, not your place... Your home is YOUR home. Being taken advantage of and disrespected in your own home... Intollerable...

 

[cassie]

Give her a deadline. As it is, you are doing her no favors. As for the mess, have her check out flylady.net.

 

[ChickyLove]

Quote:
I LOVE Flylady!!!

 

[Mattemma]

Me, I would set a move out date and stick to it no matter what she does to make you happy.People always kiss up so you will back off. I would say,"Save that money because on ***** date you need to leave." She broke the rules and knows it.Why give a second chance?Life is to short to allow anyone to make you unhappy.It is not rude to react to her disregard with harsh penalty.She is old enough to know better.

 

[WingingIt]

Quote:
No, you are not wrong. Your home, your rules and she's taking advantage. I think the best way to move forward is what ChickyLove said because it puts everything out in the open and lets everyone know what's expected and what will happen if it doesn't happen.

 

[sumi]

Quote:
Tell her to get her own dungeon, then she can do with it what she likes. Give her a month's notice and help her look for a flat or something. Then you don't have to feel bad.
And paint the room any color YOU like! It's your house!

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

I think that a lot of folks here are losing sight of the fact that this girl is a loved relative, not a stranger renting a room. If they have not spoken to her firmly to re-state the boundaries, they need to. If the boundaries had been restated with no change in behavior, that is one thing; this is something else--things were allowed to slide without the limits and agreement being enforced. They don't want to ruin the relationship, but they do want control of their house back.

As Danielle said, some folks have no clue how to clean, and when things get messy gradually, actually do not notice the mess. Teaching her to clean and enforcing neatness will be a big help. Telling her specifically what is required rather than using vague general terms that may mean entirely different things to her than to the OP will get all of them on the same page. If she refuses to participate and uphold her end of the agreement after fair notification, then it is her choice.

Even with a rental between complete strangers, if one party fails to pay rent, then receives notice that eviction process is beginning, if the back due rent is paid, the eviction cannot usually continue.

 

[jimz1]

This is an update for those of you who read my post about my family "problem". Well, my wife told me a few days ago that my niece is moving out. She is going to rent a trailer from one of her other uncles. She says it will cost her $200 a month plus propane. I don't know how she can afford it but she will be moving out soon, and everything should get back to normal. Thanks to everybody who gave me some feedback.

 

[sumi]

Thanks for the update. Hope things will be better and less stressful for you now!

 

[chicmom]

Jim, so glad to see that you're no longer her favorite uncle!