Am I wrong to be hurt/mad?

[skirbo]

The child welfare agency I work for (atm) gives drug tests to hundreds of parents a month and I don't think we've had a single honest false positive in the almost three years I've been there. So I'd say the odds are extremely unlikely that it was a false positive.

Depending on what he tested positive for, the local child welfare agency could remove the children from the parents just for the drug use alone, assuming the investigator can show an impact on the children. Just so you know.

Sarah

 

[redhen]

they would not be living in my house anymore unless they BOTH agreed to random drug tests...AND, i would call CPS also!!!...its not about them anymore..its about the kids being raised with drug users..sorry...i'd make them BOTH accountable..your daughter (for sure) knows he is using drugs..even if she is not using...sad situation...sorry you are having to go through this!....

..

 

[Blue Skys]

Seems they've never been responsible about anything. Child or not, grandchildren or not they will never be productive members of society (not to mention they will never raise responsible children) if they are not held accountable for their actions. They need to find their own place to live and you need to take a step back and let them stumble, if that's what happens. You will not love them any less if you are not there to "bail them out". You can still support your daughter EMOTIONALLY and be there for your grandkids.

People learn by making mistakes, and taking action to prevent those same mistakes from happening again.

 

[redhen]

Quote:
right..the false positives are VERY rare today!..they actually changed the levels...to compensate for these "false" positives.(i.e..poppy seed bagels...and whatever else can mess with the levels/results.....you would have to eat like 15 poppy bagels in 1 day to test positive...

..)...so...today..a true false positive is a joke....they are doing drugs....sorry...

 

[FlashPointFarm]

As hard as it is to watch, sometimes you have to stand back and let your kids fall on their faces. It's part of growing up. Easier said than done, I know. I wish your family all the best.

 

[enola]

You can actually buy a drug test kit at the drug store these days......Maybe you should, and then insist your daughter take the test. If she refuses, then you probably have proof right there that she doing drugs too.

Right now I have my own daughter doing her own stupid thing....
It involves a recent divorce...... and a guy that she met on the internet ..... who is 33 and still lives with his MOTHER !!!!

I know just how you feel !

 

[willowcol]

I agree I need to make sure I try to stop bailing her out, it is just so hard. She is not a normal child, when she was born she sufficated to death in the birth cannal (they called it birth asphyxia). They brought her back to life and flew her to childrens hospital in Wash. DC. She had 13 seizures in the first 24 hours after bith. They told me she had seivere brain damage and that she would never walk and talk. Well they were wrong, she walked and talked alittle slow but she did it. She got striaght A's in school and is doing well in college now. I never know if the judgement part of her brain is damaged. SHe has no balance, a tremor in her left arm, and muscle damage of her face. She has never had any common sense (I hate to say that but it is true). I find it so hard to treat her like a normal adult when I know the brain damage is there, it shows up on scans, but nobody can tell us what parts are damaged. I will wait til Tuesday and see if it was a false positve. She is in college here, and I know she isn't doing drug or drinking. I also know she would never tell me if he is or not. The big problem is with them living in my other house, if he is and gets busted they could take my house. My mother gave me that house, even though we don't live in it I keep it because of that reason. My mom died when I was 29, she bought that house so she knew I would be ok.
The only reason I bailed them out with the overdrawn bank account was so they would unfreeze it so thier tax check could be direct deposited. I am praying very hard that it was a false positive, he was on asthma medicine. Wonder if that could cause a false positive. Well thanks for everyone advice. I truly appreicate it and need to here the hard truth not sugar coated advise.

 

[whitecra]

I would wait on the test. If they come back positive you have every right to be mad at him.
Chris

 

[gypsy2621]

Asthma medication could in fact cause a false positive, especially if he forgot to put it on the questionier. as will any OTC cold meds etc, those tests are only as good as what you remember you have taken ,eaten etc.

Wait for a final rresult before making a decision.

 

[Dar]

I would ask myself...

1) how was her reaction when she told you about the "false" positive test?

was she angry like .."mom i have no idea why he is not taking anything that i know of..and if he is..there's the door."

or was she acting lime..."mom what a poopy deal he got busted at work for a "false" positive..(like it was no big surprise)

I hate to abmit it but my mom has bailed my backside out of a few finincial issues...one thing my mom does it asks me for 1 month of bank statments and my pay stubbs, just like the bank would when you go in for a loan..

if i have nothing to hide then i give them to her right?..

well my sister went to her for a loan just to find out my sister was not going to work with no good reason and then there was a lot of $20 withdraws from her account and a bit of action at the liquor store...my mom refused to give her the loan..she created this stiuation by being irresponsible..guess what she got through it.

If i was in your shoes before bailing her bottom out of any more jams i would treat her like an adult. you want the loan, proove to me you "need" it not want it
instead of dropping the money ask for bank records..yes you do have a right to see them if they are coming to you for money..buy the diapers instrad of giving them the $20 for the diapers ...take steps to make sure you are not supporting a drug habit and putting your grand babies in a dangerous situation ..

sorry if i offended anyone just IMHO but then my kids say i am a hard a**, but they respect me for it too