Am I wrong to be hurt/mad?

[mmtillman]

Was in your same shoes 20 years ago...a stepdaughter who moved in and decided she liked being waited on hand and foot .....sleepin in , meals served, laundry done..etc...
So after 4 or 5 months of this , when I suggested it was time to move out on her own, she said...''Cant move out...I dont have a job or an apartment! "
So that next day I went to our local grocery and got her a job interview...then I went and rented her an apt, and when she came home I told her ...Hey guess what ? ''You start Monday at the grocery store and your apt is ready to move in ''
She flew mad ....called me every name in the book and stormed out to go live with her Pappaw. Stayed and mooched off of him for a year...
BUT...I guess he did the same thing ....cause eventually..she went back to school....got a job, an apartment and now is a very well paid and successful accountant in a large hospital and she and I are best of friends....
SOOOO.....long story short....tough love DOES work !! WAIT for the drug test to come back tho...dont jump the gun in case it is a false positive...Then give them a month to get it in gear or else....it is hard to do ..but it will help them in the long run to grow up ....otherwise you are just enabling them to be bums.....

Good luck!!

 

[texaschickmama]

Wait for the test to come back. If it is negative all is great. If it is positive...... that is a different story. My only concern is those children. They don't have a choice of where they live or if there are drugs in the house. If he is so selfish and stupid to bring drugs into a home with children, well, nevermind......................................... good luck to you and so sorry you have to deal with irresponsible people, and sounds like ungrateful.

 

[chilling in muscadine]

I would wait on the test myself. I know with myself I have anorexia and any time I see a new doctor the first thing he will do before treating me is drug test me since I'm so thin. My test always come back positive for alcohol and I do not drink. Starvation changes your keytones so the test are false on me. Hopefully the test will be a false positive for ya'll. Wishing you the best.

 

[KatyTheChickenLady]

False positive or not, you are being and enabler. He idn't support the kid for the first two years, they lived off of you, he now has a job and you are still bailing them out when they overdraw their checking . . . a positive drug test was just the next step here. I won't repeat the advice william 9297 gave you because it was complete and perfect, follow it and as many of us who have been throught the same thing you will see better results. True they will be mad at you for awhile, most kids are when they are forced to grow up. And you don't have to abandon the babies, have a home and food for them if it is needed. But that's all no more handouts for the adults. (My daughter still isn't speaking to me, but she has a job and pays her own rent and bills now, and my other kids know not to go down that path)

 

[lnm03]

So sorry to hear you are going through this!!!!

My Step-brother went through this and kept begging everyone for money and we would give it because we didnt want his two kids to starve and then we all kind of noticed that they were wasting their $ on beer & cigarettes. So we all just stopped being there $ supply and on the rare occasion if they needed diapers or something like that we would physically buy it for them and not give them $ for it. We found that if they wanted somthing and we put it on a major credit card they couldnt return it for cash. Its tough to watch your family go through this and it makes you want to Scream!

but if you continue to support their bad habbits they will never go away! I learned the hard way that sometimes its best to learn the hard way!

 

[willowcol]

Well I guess I will update on this though I am still mad. The second test came back and they said it was negative for any drugs. Get this though, they decided to go by the first test since it was being treated as a new hire not a random employee drug test. So they told him not to come back. Now he calls the temp agency he had been working through for the past 14 months for this company and they say oh you were no longer an employee of ours. So the temp agency says he quit to be hired on perm. and the company says that he wasn't hired til he past all the tests and had his
orientation. So I am totally confused by this by they say he won't qualify for unemployment not because he failed a drug test which he didn't but because he quit even though he didn't. Anyways doesn't really matter, my husband found out today he is probably getting layed off tomorrow so we couldn't bail them out anymore if we wanted to.

 

[redhen]

did they re-test with the same urine..or did he have to give another sample?

 

[willowcol]

The lab sent the same urine to a different lab for a different kind of screening. It came back fine, however the company said we made our decision from the first test so don't return. Seems weird to me they thought he was a good enough employee they wanted to hire him full time, now this. He requested copies of the second test so if they try to deny him unemployment he has proof he didn't fail and they said not to call and bug them anymore?

 

[redhen]

, it does sound very strange! tell him to not loose the test paperwork! maybe they were looking at the levels also...

...i know when i had a foster son tested..they said he passed...but, when i delved deeper into the testing..*because i knew he had smoked pot* they said that it did have traces in it..but, the level was not high enough to consider it a failed test!..UGH!...

...so, if there were ANY levels in it..that could be why they are still firing him....it just seems strange and SO wrong to fire him if the tests came back with nothing!...i would be upset also!...

 

[willowcol]

Well when he called and requested the results he left a voice mail message. 2 hours later a person from the temp agency, not the company called and said for him to stop calling and bugging the company. He only called 2 times once like he was told to get the test results and once to request copies of the test results. So I don't think they are going to send him a copy.