You aren't a terrible mom, but that feeling is a normal part of the grief process. Sometimes bad/sad things just happen. Your ducks are very lucky to have a wonderful, loving owner who cares for them deeply. If only all ducks were so fortunate.
My vet told me that when he dies he wants to be reincarnated as one of my pets. And one of my precious ducks had aspergillosis, too.
Thank you for your kind words, and I'm so sorry one of yours went through it too. Did your baby make it through it?
People might think we're crazy for loving animals so deeply, and as much as we do people. All my animals are my children and it's the hardest thing in the world to lose them so young. My poor girl is only 9 mo old, and already I know our souls intertwined, and we shared the best 9 mo together.
I've made my decision to have my sister, that's a vet tech at a shelter, help me put her down tonight. I can't believe this is happening. It was not long ago that she was swimming around, chasing minnows, goofing around with her sister, giggling, purring, wagging her tail when I loved on her and cuddled her, and her newest thing was riding their ramp down like a surfer when I lowered it in the morning to let them out. I would tell her "get it girl, ride that wave." My heart is being ripped out my chest. And I can't imagine her what her poor sister Frankie is going to go through.
She isn't any better, and is only taking sips of water occasionally. I can't watch her suffer anymore. She hasn't been able to rest for days. Every breath is a struggle, and I don't want her to suffer any longer. We've tried it all, Baytril, Metacam, Itraconazol, Tylosin, and now Oxine AH. So much damage has been done to whole body at this point. Radiographs showed only inflammation and the vet said her lungs didn't sound bad, but her bloodwork was very abnormal. Sorry for the novel. I think I'm trying to convince myself I'm making the right decision to put her down and end her battle. She's a tough cookie, and fought with all her might. She's my big brave girl and I knew she wouldn't go down without a fight. I can't imagine feeling like you can't breath for over 5 days would be like.
Thank you to everyone that helped me, and for sharing kind, caring words.
This group definitely kept me from buckling to my knees today.