Any advice from managers out there?

[redhen]

Honestly..it simply sounds like you just dont want the job..
Why keep torturing yourself?..if you are the type of person that cant handle a jerk employee and they make you cry.. then you are right..you maybe are not manager material.
Some folks ARE just too sensitive to be managers and deal with the jerk employees and all that it entails...
Its no biggie... we are all made differently inside..
Just tell your boss that you cant handle the job..its too emotional or stressful for you...

Its a shame to let that creep run you off and win though..

 

[superchemicalgirl]

Why keep torturing yourself... says the woman with "Be Brave" as her avatar.

You're right though, it is impacting my personal life. Well, I actually have no personal life, but it's interrupting my ME time.

That's kindof what I was asking though: is this going to get better, am I going to get better at it or am I going to come home from work every day and cry?


And part of the problem I guess is that I know no one from here outside work. Sad, but true. I moved 600 miles north of my family and friends for a marriage that didn't work out. Now I'm here and dealing with that (quite possible through intensive chicken therapy). I'm not saying that to get pity, but I think that's part of what makes this harder.

 

[HennyJenny]

I think you want this job - BUT I think you want it to be easy. It's not easy - anytime you have to manage people -it's just not. I floated along happily in my career as a lonewolf. All my successes were mine - and just as importantly all my failures were mine. As a manager - I share my successes but the failures are mine alone. And if you think the people above you don't view it that way - you are kidding yourself.

Do not allow your job to mimic your personal life. This is not a matter of being friendless at work. "Woman-up" and wholeheartedly embrace this opportunity - notice how going backwards has worked for this man? Don't wallow in this. You have given this person a lot of power. You can handle this - you can. Make it your mantra. Good and thoughtful women in management are few and far between. Make it your mission to be representative of that rare group and this one person will become less of an issue. You're focusing on certain personnel issues. Those never go away. You balance those with some successes and this will feel more like you are in charge and those people will become less of a factor.

The kind of "anti" advice to the above is that some people truly do not feel "good" about being in leadership positions. Some people do their very best work as part of production. There is nothing wrong with that. BUT I would encourage you to think about whether that is the case or whether you are allowing these roadblocks to become an excuse.

I'm a Controller at an AE firm of 8000 employees. I worked really hard to get to where I am. I work really hard to deserve my job, my team, and the respect that is afforded to me everyday. There are plenty of people that I deal with everyday that do not like me - as long as I am fair with them and professional and don't let that affect the job that I am there to do - I am all good with that. My boss is the CFO - whose major piece of career advice to me has been "make it easier for people to do the right thing than to deal with you". That is the single best piece of advice about being a manager I have ever gotten. I would like to be liked by everyone - wouldn't we all? Often though I find that the people that don't like me - are people that I would not choose as mentors, friends, or examples anyway. I don't know what city you are in but I would encourage you to find a women's professional group in your area. Groups like that are excellent for networking AND for finding a mentor. A mentor could help you to navigate these situations on a case by case basis and will help you learn some of these finer managerial skills.

Don't give up!
Jenny

 

[welsummerchicks]

I meant to say that no one is born being a good manager. The people who are good managers are trained and experienced, yu just get better and better as you go on. It is DEFINITELY a learned skill. Don't feel bad about any mistakes you make or others make that affect you - you are going to make mistakes, that's normal. And people are going to do wrong things, even if you lead them well.

If you're getting jittery and teary, you might ask your doc for an anxiety medication for sixty days, once you go thru a few situations keeping calm it will just stop happening. I think it's normal for women to go through periods of tearing up easily. If it happens to coincide with a tough day, well, that's not because you're weak or not a potentially good manager, it's just biology in action.

 

[redhen]

Quote:
Hee hee.. i only have my avatar because i have saint bernards and i like widdle chicks...

BUT.. thats does bring up a good point..
Be Brave!!

You can do it!!.. but you have to WANT to do it...
Know what i mean..?
Otherwise you are just torturing yourself.. and making yourself miserable. No need to do all that!

 

[poltroon]

Being asked to manage someone who was demoted from the managerial position you now hold would be a challenge - and perhaps impossible - for just about anyone. Someone must really think highly of you to even ask you to try.

Do not let him tear you down.

Document everything he does; your manager will find that tremendously helpful. I would suggest you talk to your manager and develop, together, a strategy for dealing with this employee. Is the goal for him to be comfortable in his new, current position? Is the goal to fire him? Is the goal to move him to another place in the organization?

Then, work out the steps needed to reach that goal, and follow them carefully and to the best of your ability.

Good luck to you.

 

[ChickensAreSweet]

I'm a homemaker now...but way back when, I learned a few things:

1. I have found that you cannot be "friends" with the people under you, even if you were friends before. But you can be kind and firm. And no "girly talk" anymore (chatting as equals). Keep that dignified poise. Firmly close your mouth and hold your silence if necessary.

2. Keep calm and peaceful no matter what people say. Not everyone will be happy with your performance. Get your satisfaction from inside you, not outside anymore. Keep your guard up- never let down your bars of protection for anyone.

3. The role will feel strange for a long time perhaps. Just always do your best and then at the end of the day, you can be inwardly happy that you REALLY tried. Forgive yourself always. Then others.

4. Don't try to be subservient to anyone- be dignified. That was the hardest thing for me. I raced around trying to do the work of three people. Then I realized that being the leader is not about racing around. I was making it harder for myself to be available when needed-until I changed.

 

[Organics North]

Quote:
Last Century...........
..I was a good grunt... Ended up as a board level manager on a 20M branch of a 100M medical company... I was not manager material.. Just a passionate motivated worker who belived in the company and the product. It was tough I had to manage my peers that I worked with for years and years..

I found that leading by example, being inspirational, honesty and respect,,, especially for my elders, and those that taught me much worked.... I stood up for them, I took the hits for them.. They just needed to back me up and get the job done... It worked well, though I would never ever do it again..... I could never fire anyone.. I had to have someone else do it.. the young employee that did not work out crying in my office was just too much for me.. Eventually I escaped into sales where I could work half as much for 4 times the money...(I had the gift..

)

Careful, but I say go for it what the heck??? The experience will make you stronger... and I still believe the grunt that became manager, is a way better manager than some pencil neck with a "managment degree" (I always disliked those and was sure to get them fired..

)

Since I was not a born manager but just a good grunt with a vision, I will admit it burned me out... Nearly 15 years in the fast lane was enough for me.

ON