For those of us who have had disappointing Christmas holidays I offer my personal solutions for your consideration. I won't bore you with the gory details of my past but believe me when I say I never had a good Christmas growing up and the trauma comes back in full force every year since then. I have had to do some major rennovations on my own feelings and expectations.
1. You CAN NOT change another person...stop trying to. You don't have to like what they do, but you can choose not to react badly or nternalize the pain it causes you.
2. If you do what you always did, you'll get what you always got. Change something. Declare your freedom from the same traditional gift giving/expectations. Do something radically different and don't defend it to anyone.
3. DO NOT watch sappy Christmas miracle type movies and TV shows during the holidays. They are NOT REAL LIFE. Dashed expectations cause more pain than any person or situation can. I'm not saying you should turn into Scrooge, just choose to fill your mind and heart with real things, not false things.
4. Decide what you REALLY want. Not what TV commercials fool you into thinking you want (it's their job to do this, and they do it soooo well). Make two lists of what you want....most important one at the top. One list is for tangible things, stuff you can buy. The other list is for intangibles, things you want to do. Now go through each list and ask: "Can I get/do this by myself or does it require the participation of others?" If it requires someone else, strike it off your list. Now you can decide just how much time/effort/money you'll spend to make the others happen. If the cost is too high, strike it off the list. Ooooh, the list is much smaller now isn't it? But now you're down to the REALLY important things. And that's where you start.
5. Make your goal "contentment" instead of "achievement". This requires a heaping helping of humility. Just watch the news, see what other people are going through on the worst day of their lives. That should do the trick. List what you have (relationships, job, house, chickens, pets, children, car, food, clean water, toilets, friends, faith, education, computer, BYC, etc. Not necessarily in that order,ha!) and realize you still have "options" and choices to make your life better.
6. Don't forget to pray. God can make things happen when you have done all you can. Put the rest in His capable hands.
7. Work diligently at removing EVERY hurtful, negative, destructive thought and feeling from your mind. I have some awful memories, but I refuse to rake them up and let those hurtful memories paralyze me. I used to think you couldn't control your feelings. Hogwash! It takes a little practice, but you CAN. I did it, and you can too. It's a choice.
8. See the BIG PICTURE. It isn't always about you. It isn't always about "right now". Maybe you are part of someone elses maturity program. Maybe you're part of someone elses solution. Maybe you're a key player in someone elses blessing. Get your focus off yourself, and look for the bigger plan in motion all around you. Perspective is a marvelous thing.
After all of this I'll sum it up by saying, "In life you can be one of two things: A shining example, or a Horrible warning." The choice is up to you.
