First let me say I am sorry you are going through this trying time in your life. We have been there. For us, it began as wanting a child after 2 years of marriage - didn't happen - told to wait a year & not to stress over it - didn't work.... then we started the infertility & found out I am sterile... so we chose to do donor sperm.... didn't work (tried 8 times) - then found out wife isn't actually releasing eggs when cycling.... tried some meds - no luck.... the whole thing became an obsession for us & after 4 years of trying we decided to go ahead & try to adopt..... 2 failed adoptions later we were at our wits & pocketbook's end... the stress was killing our marriage so I set the wife down & said enough because I was afraid we were going to lose each other at this point. We held hands & prayed & told God that if we were to have a child then He would have to send one to us.... You have to understand that at this time I had 2 brothers with children who were not cared for (both brothers have dependency issues) and we tried to help - we became the uncle & aunt the kids depended on for fun/gifts but at the same time we were so angry with God for not allowing us to have one when we were good, responsible & moral people.... while people around us who could care less had kids everywhere.... What we had to learn is that life is a journey & each one's journey is different depending on the lessons you need to learn in this life. Five months after praying I received a call at 5am on a Wednesday morning. A local OB doctor was calling to ask if we would be interested in adopting a child that was yet to be born in the local hospital. Immediantly I said yes.... he said the child id bi-racial .... I said yes ... he said there was no prenatal care & sex was unknown... I said yes.... he said it would be a private closed adoption (in my area about $10000.00 - we had only about 4000.00 in savings at this point)... I said yes.... He said he'd call once the baby was born. I hung up, grasped my wife's hand & we prayed & thanked God for the oppurtunity & that if this was right that He'd work it all out. 3 days later my daughter came home. 3 months later the adoption was finalized. The lawyer would not even charge us for her time (this wasn't our normal lawyer but one appointed because our lawyer also represented the local hospital - conflict of intrest). Adoption cost us around $3500.00 court costs, childs lawyer.... McKenley just turned 11 y.o. - she has been the joy of my life - she is my heart & soul. She is a confident, beautiful smart child who wants to become a surgeon! After McKenley, we received 2 other unrelated to us children - not formally adopted - but take in children aged 16 & 18. Similar to a foster child deal. Both (one boy & one girl) were from rough homes with both physical & sexual abuse applied to these children. They are now 23 & 24 & the girl is married with a child of her own. The boy has (much to my lasting sorrow) decided to move on in his life & doesn't see us.
We wanted children & God supplied that want - not exactly how we invisioned it - but still all 3 were a gift in our lives - regardless of all the heartache & frustration & failure in healing the older 2. It is difficult to try & raise older children with issues - but we feel God placed them in our lives to teach us & us in their lives to teach them. At times I would have said I wished we had stopped with McKenley because she is truly ours (from birth) & was not abused & is a well adjusted child, but I learned that I needed to go through the difficulties with the older ones to learn... to learn more about myself, about others & about commitment & love & boundries. I know this is sort of a short version but I hope you understand what I am trying to say.... life doesn't always work out how we want - when we want.... but the lessons learned in your individual journey are priceless - it takes the pain to truely know joy. I will stop by leaving you this quote... I heard it coming in from work one day & the wife had Oprah on. Her guest quoted it as I came through the door & it touched me & helped me understand the currents in my life.... I hope you find a similar truth to fortify you on your journey... WE ARE NOT HUMAN BEINGS ON A SPIRITIAL JOURNEY BUT RATHER SPIRITAL BEINGS ON A HUMANE ONE.....
