You & Susie hang in there!
I just found this thread yesterday and was sad to see no update had been posted.
As far as your feelings - my DH was all torn up when we had to have our oldest cat put down.
Crying is nothing to be ashamed of, OTOH, it proves you are a true man and not concerned with what others may find "correct" masculine behavior.
Losing a pet is hard, but in the end it is the best gift you can give them, ending a life that has no quality left.
I am thinking the Good Thoughts for you both.