Banties! [my chicken story]

[Royd]

Excellent punctuation and word flow....Please try to break it up into paragraphs. It just makes it easier to read.

 

[equinehugger3]

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Thanks SO much!!!!

 

[equinehugger3]

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Thanks SO much!!!!!! I love yours too!!!

lol

 

[equinehugger3]

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I thought about doing that the first time... I probably should have!!!

Thanks so much, though!!!!!

 

[equinehugger3]

Here is the newly paragraphed Chunk 3 of Banties! Sorry if I didn't seperate my paragraphs well, I need to work on that...

"Chunk" 3


"Oh my gosh, I know we just ate two hours ago, but I've never been this hungry in my life!" Milla complained.
I had to agree. If I was any hungrier, I'd go insane. We hadn't even had any more big scares since the foxes, but I think this was all of those days of not eating coming back to us. There was a chorus of agreement. "Well, I guess we can stop," Jae pretended to be indifferent, but we could all see that he was starving.

We walked into a clearing about five minutes later."Wow," I gasped. It almost reminded me of the food kingdom. The sun came down in shining rays onto the flowers that hosted glorious butterflies. Plump, iridescent dragonflies darted about. "FOOOOD!" Milla screamed as she tore into the field, ruining my magic moment. The field's magic almost seemed TOO good to be true, so I was a little cautious, but after a while I gave in and leaped around, competing with the others to see who got the fattest dragonfly. It was one of the best times I'd had since Angie had been killed.


In the middle of that night...

"Estelle!" Caly hissed sharply."What?" My head snapped up. Hearing the relaxed Caly talking like that seriously scared me. "Oh my gosh..." Caly sobbed. I gave her a hug. "What's wrong?" I tried to say in a soothing voice, but I was terrified. "I woke up to these growling noises, and - and there was blood on the grass, and..." Caly's voice broke, and her body started to heave with sobs. "Shhh, it's gonna be all right. What else, Caly?" I was shaking now, but I tried to keep my voice calm. "Jae, Lena, AND Micia were gone! They disappeared!" She took a deep breath. "What about Milla?!" It was all I could do not to scream. Caly hid her face and pointed at a tree about 10 feet away. Milla lay there, broken and bloody. I couldn't help screaming. I gave Caly a comforting hug, told her it wasn't her fault, and ran faster than I ever have to Milla's side. "Milla? MILLA?!" I shook her as gently as I could manage with my trembling wings, and hugged her. Her eyelids fluttered, and she opened her eyes. I said a silent thankful prayer."Milla!" I hugged her. "Estelle!" Milla cried, and she hugged me back. I started to ask what it was when she interrupted me. "I know what you want to know. I didn't see what it was, but it had huge sharp claws, and don't even start me on its teeth..." she cringed. "It grabbed Jae, Lena, and me in its mouth, and dragged us outside. It tried to eat me, and I tried as good as I could to escape and fight back. When I was almost dead, Jay stabbed it with his spur, and it threw me against this tree and went after him. Lena was standing behind him... I don't know if they made it..." Milla explained. I was raged inside at this monster. It had almost killed my best friend, and taken three others I loved. It didn't sound like I'd stand a chance against it, but I would get Jae and Lena back, no matter what.

"Can you walk, Milla?" I asked gently."Yes, I can walk!!!" Milla hated to be babied. I hoped she actually could so that she wouldn't hurt herself more. While I was walking slowly by Milla's side, I thought of something."Milla, can I see that claw mark on your stomach again?" I asked. She puffed out her stomach so that I could see. I had a faint flashback of Angie's carcass. "OH MY GOSH!!!" I couldn't help yelling. "Jeez, calm down Estelle. I told you I was getting a little chubby, but I didn't think it was THAT bad!" Milla, clearly annoyed, asked. We had just reached our shelter. Caly was still sitting there, but she had calmed down a little. I gathered them to create a game plan and to tell them my discovery. "The monster that took Jae and Lena, and hurt Milla..." I took a deep breath. "It's the same one that killed Angie." Milla and Caly were both speechless.

It was then that I realized that we were dealing with a lot more than we could handle.


EDIT:

I tried to fix my paragraphing, but I don't think I did so hot...

lol

 

[RainbowBirds_of_a_Feather]

Aloha,

Love this! I can't wait for more and illustration!

 

[equinehugger3]

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Thanks so much! I'll try to get the illistration done tonight... Do you think it would be cooler to just have a title page, or to illistrate a cool scene from each Chunk?

 

[The Turken Lady]

Dun..dun..dun! I need to subscribe to this. I need to see what happens.

And.. I think it would be cool to do a scene from it,but it would be more work than putting one picture of the title page on each chunk. I was lazy on mine. lol. When ever I write a story in my notebook,I usually do a scene,but it would take like 10 hours to do it on MS paint..

 

[equinehugger3]

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You definitely weren't lazy on yours!!! When I do mine I'm just gonna sketch it and scan it onto the computer... Lol that's kinda lazy lol

lol thanks so much!!!

 

[The Turken Lady]

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You definitely weren't lazy on yours!!! When I do mine I'm just gonna sketch it and scan it onto the computer... Lol that's kinda lazy lol

lol thanks so much!!!

Your welcome. I would do that,but my grandma is the only one that has a scanner and it takes a while to get them on.. and..if I color them in,I make them look bad..