Can a step-parent EVER do ANYTHING good?!?!?!

[Cindiloohoo]

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Yep this is one of those times for me

I KNOW what you mean though...I just hope I can maintain enough self control to not respond to their stupidity. My tongue hurts now

 

[PineappleMama]

Sonoran don't feel too offended, they had NO idea what the situation was and I was too scared to talk to them... especially since they were relative strangers to me.

Mom moved from Ark (to LA then TX) when I was two or so and didn't see Dad again until I was 8 or so... she claims it was because she called and bullied him... he claims he finally talked her into it... who knows, but knowing my mom I lean more towards Dad's side.

So, yeah... when I was 10... and maybe 12 when I asked you have to understand that we'd spent maybe 1-2 weeks per year together... for maybe 2-4 years... so yeah, still pretty much strangers.

Even at that age I was aware of their reasons... who wants a stranger in their home? One they can't afford to feed?

And keep in mind that when the fit hit the shan at 16 I was immediately shipped up there... I had no say in the matter. Mom wanted to keep seeing the bleepity bleep and Dad wanted to make up for ... well everything. I tried, but just couldn't stand it up there... MY school went on strike so I was stuck in the house alone all day. After two weeks I begged to come home. But they DID try, once they knew. That's my point.

Guess that did seem sort of mean didn't it? NOT my intent... I was just trying to point out that from a kids' view, even with a Step that you DO admire very much, there are snags... though the snags may not be the Step's fault... as in my case. She had NO idea, and my own fears, this post AND the above mentioned reasons, were enough to keep it that way. One more reason I wish I'd been wise enough to risk my heart when I was younger...

In the end (or shall we say today is a beginning?) I think it worked out well. I've a good relationship (if a bit distant) with Step and Dad... Mom's still a total nut... but I've got DH who I adore and who adores me and two beautiful kids. None of which would have been possible if I'd been up there as a kid, OR if I'd stayed up there at 16...

Salute!

 

[Boyd]

I agree with Cindi, sometimes being a parent is a thankless job. Sometimes folks need to be a parent, not a friend. Sometimes that takes two distinctly different paths.

And I only usually have them 2-4 years till they are old enough to move on

 

[huntinfamily]

Cindiloohoo, I swear you are living my life. When My Wife and I met the only thing her youngest would eat was TV dinners. Her oldest (10 at the time) couldn't tie his own shoes, read and was failing school. I was a single dad for 11 years and worked very hard with my Son to make sure he was preparing for adulthood. I treated her Son's the same way I did mine but no matter what I did my Mother In Law would call and complain that I was to mean, wasn't treating her "babies" correctly and was abusing them because I made them eat what I cooked for dinner not what ever they wanted. My Wife has since come to realise that I was only trying to make sure her children would grow up to be healthy, productive adults. Five years later and I still have the same problem with my MIL. So the answer to your question is NO. No matter what you do as a step parent you will always be wrong. I think it might be because their family does not see you as a "real" parent. It does get very frusturating. Sometimes I feel like to her the only thing I am is someone to financially support her Grandchildren. Don't let it get you down though. As long as you know that what you are doing what is right whatever is said about you dosen't matter. I ended up telling my MIL that if she couldn't respect me in my own home not to bad mouth me that she wasn't welcome here. She hasn't been here in over 2 months because of that but the kids still go to see her multiple times a month. She loves to call and let us know that she let the kids have soda (which I don't allow the kids to have here) just to try to get under my skin. I don't let it get to me because I know that no matter what she says or does, at the end of the day I have tried to raise those boys the same as I have done my own.

 

[PineappleMama]

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And that line right there just got "The night I called the old man out" stuck in my head... the line "He'll pay for all the times that he's been right".... I REALLY love that song... not that I encourage fighting by ANY means, but the message still...

Anyone cares for a listen there's a youtube copy here...

 

[Cindiloohoo]

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Well, I applaud your efforts! It is so hard! It is good to know I am not the only one who feels this way, but at the same time I am sorry you feel this way too!!!