Can a step-parent EVER do ANYTHING good?!?!?!

[Cindiloohoo]

I'm beginning to believe the answer to that question is NO! My FIL has been running his mouth to MY best friend at her work! Can you believe that?!

Why must they meddle?!?! It is so obnoxious! I just had to rant...they get on my nerves SOOO bad!
Let's see what all I have done wrong...
I make them do chores, keep their room clean, help with animals. I demand they make good grades...because they are capable! I also, teach them not to smart mouth adults, not to do everything their friends do, teach them table manners such as not to smack their food or talk with their mouths full...I have taught them how to take care of themselves and be independent. They both can cook at least enough to get along on their own. I also figured out what the youngest was allergic to and got her on a diet so that her face doesn't swell to the size of a basketball when she eats a food that disagrees with her. The oldest doesn't have as many skin issues because we have found things that work for her. YEP, I am guilty of all these things.
ALSO, I am guilty of punishing them for misbehavior. Tough love when they make HUGE mistakes, and on occassion yelling at them, on occassion losing it because the thing I had told them about 10000000 times had yet to sink into their head and 18 years is NOT ENOUGH TIME TO KEEP REPEATING THE SAME LESSON OVER FOR 2 OR 3 YEARS

Guilty of loving them enough to spank them when they run out into the street. Guilty of NOT letting them do what thy wanted to because either they weren't mature enough or I did not know the other kids parents well enough to trust them with my kid for an extended period of time. I'm also guilty of checking up on them to see if they were doing things that would get them hurt, like the time DD had put ALL personal info on the net for the world to see, and the time other DD had been getting OVERLY friendly with the boyfriend...UGH I am SUCH A HORRIBLE MOM!!!!! NO wonder they don't like me! I have offered to let the in-laws HAVE my job when the girls went to their house and whined to them that I was intolerable...funny they didn't want it...they just want to tell ME HOW TO DO IT!!!!!

NOW they are mouthing off IN A PUBLIC PLACE TO MY FRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm SO DONE with those people!

I am going to work and have a HAPPY DAY! I hope they do as well, and find something better to talk about besdes EVIL old me!

 

[3goodeggs]

As a parent of a well behaved child. I know how much work it is.

It takes more energy to teach them how do do chores than to just do them yourself. It takes more energy to have high expectations from their schooling than to just let them get by, It wears a soul down to constantly ask the questions that you already know the answer to- just so they will learn to think and ask themselves questions BEFORE acting or re-acting. It is not an easy job.

But they will be better off in the long run.

Even FIL knows that. He just is that kind of guy. If he did not have your parenting skills to assault, then he'd tease out something else to chew on. I bet he is just uncomfortable with you because you are strong and smart. 'Smart' women may have no place in his life.


Interestingly, I have noticed that when it comes to children and grand children, it seems that the 'messes' get the love, time and money and the the ones that work hard, carry their own weight, and behave get ignored. I guess they see us independent enough not to need them.-that might be a good thing.

 

[turney31]

 

[Steve_of_sandspoultry]

When you are a step parent you are always dirt and everything is your fault. Even when they get old enough to move out on their own it's still your fault when something doesn't go right. There is a pattern though.... when they want something you are the bestest person ever. When you say no or don't do it quickly enough you are back to dirt.

I decided long ago that I like being dirt so now when they whine and moan I just tell them it's to bad and I hate it for you but you made your bed now lay in it.

That goes over sooooooooo well.

Mr Dirt
Steve

 

[Damummis]

You go Evil step-mom!!!!

 

[Break an Egg]

Girl, I swear you are living my life. Seriously.

It's like yeah, I'm stressing myself out making the kids mind FOR MY HEALTH!!!

Reality is you care about them and you want them to be their best.

 

[Sir Birdaholic]

Look at it from the childs eyes & from what you wrote, they are probably overwhelmed with too many new rules. Step back just a little & try to be a friend instead of what they see as a dictator. I'm not saying to let them be wild children, but my dad used to crawl up my rear for every little thing I did, & I resented the "strict parent" approach to being raised. I was jealous of my friend who had a dad that he could have fun with. Now my dad is dead, & it can't be done over.

 

[Break an Egg]

Quote:
She's not having issues with the kids, at this point it sounds like she is being criticized by her father in law, which couldn't feel good, because as a step parent you are always second guessing yourself in the first place. But you can't please everyone.

Concerning the FIL: It's real easy to sit on your a$$ while someone else is working and say "you missed a spot."

 

[Sir Birdaholic]

Oh, Sorry

 

[Break an Egg]

Quote:
Well, most times it can be the kids, totally understandable.