Can I get feedback on my paragraph?

[tabsmonsters]

After almost having a panic attack a little while ago (thanks for helping me with that!) I dropped my History 121 class. I feel so much better!

I have this summary paragraph that is due tomorrow night and I was wondering if I could get some of you English Majors (or if you are just really good at English Comp) to look at my paragraph and let me know if I made any mistakes. Its not due until tomorrow at midnight so I have some time to make corrections.

Thanks!



In his essay, The Burden of Skepticism, Carl Sagan suggests that too much skepticism or the lack of skepticism can be hazardous. If a person lacks a healthy dose of skepticism, they will be unable to distinguish the difference between a good idea and a bad idea and believe everything that they hear. Sagan also believes that a person can be too skeptical and leave themselves unable to learn anything new or improve their station in life. He concludes that a healthy skeptic lives with an open mind to new ideas, tests them out in theory or in practice and bases their judgment on the results of their findings.

 

[mom'sfolly]

My suggestion, from a long ago Biology major.

I would change to first sentence to read "too much or to little skepticism can be hazardous" instead of "too much skepticism or the lack or skepticism" and in the the last sentence I would omit the "out" so the sentence reads "tests them in theory or in practice". JMHO

Hope this helps.

 

[tabsmonsters]

Ohh, those are good. I really wasn't happy with that first sentence. So many rules to this writing stuff makes my head spin!
Thanks!

 

[The Chicken Lady]

With the changes already suggested, it looks and sounds great!

from the English major/English teacher/Reading grad. student

 

[arlosmine]

"mind open to new ideas", rather than "open mind to new ideas". It is the mind which is open, so this word order is more direct. Hope this helps and good luck!

 

[ksacres]

Quote:
This is how I would write it.

 

[RoseHawke]

I may be mistaken, but I believe you've got number compatibility issues there, i.e, "[...]If a person lacks a healthy dose of skepticism, they will be unable[...]" etc., etc. emphasis added.

 

[ksacres]

They is easier than saying "he or she"

 

[tabsmonsters]

true. if you used "individual" more than once in the paragraph, would it be too redundant?

 

[Teach97]

ya'll help with papers!!

I need one for a Educational Psychology course...Life Span Development...has to be on a case study...something in the 5-6 page range...thanks!