Can you guys revise my short essay on chickens? :)

[Patrick Murphy]

I just wrote my short essay! My teacher told me it had to be exactly 3 paragraphs, and the topic was your favorite first experience. I thought chickens! I just wanted you guys to look over it and tell me if there is anything I should at to it, change it, and/or take out of it!

Thanks, and here it is....

I edited, because I made some changes.


My favorite experience for the first time was having baby chicks! They were and still are a blast. There is a lot of information to learn about chickens, but I am only going to tell you about brooding chicks. It is very thrilling step in the life of a chicken.

I bought the chicks from McMurray Hatchery at 1 day old. Baby chicks cannot survive on their own because they don't have feathers to keep them warm until they are 5 weeks old. Until then, they must be kept warm and safe by either a broody hen, or in an artificial brooder. My chicks stayed in a watering trough for a brooder. The temperature stayed at 95 degrees Fahrenheit for the first week. Then it goes down 5 degrees Fahrenheit every week until the baby chicks move into the coop. To keep the temperature that high I used a 250 watt ceramic light bulb that clipped to the side of the brooder (watering trough). For the bedding I used pine shavings with paper towels on top. I was not able to use cedar shavings, because the cedar shavings can cause the baby chicks to be affected by a respiratory disease that will influence them later in life. I had to check their vent every day to make sure they did not get a pasty butt. Eww! A pasty butt is when the chicken poop get stuck on the vent, and the chicks cant expel there waste. Lastly, I used Chick Starter for their food, and gave them water to drink.

My chicks are grown up now, but as I said I still love them just as much as I did then! I really enjoyed brooding the 25 baby chicks. It was very exciting to see this part in a chickens life. Brooding chicks will always be on of my favorite first experiences.

Great job!

 

[TylerHayter]

short and to the point, ok

 

[hysop]

A pasty butt is when the chicken poop get stuck on the vent, and the chicks cant expel there waste.

On this part:
Instead of there it should be " their "

And I’m not sure if it will autocorrect you when you type it in Word, but can’t is missing the '

Instead of get stuck it should be " gets stuck "

Awesome essay. I pretty much came after everyone had made their suggestions and I think it is very informative!