Can't do this much more

[ranchhand]

Who takes her for her doctor visits?

If it's you, get her in the car, have a list of the meds and dosages, if not the actual bottles of the meds, and when poor old MIL goes back to the examining room, find the nurse and give her the list. Tell her/him the doctor NEEDS that info. All that stuff alone is a scary combination.

I had to do that with my mom, because the various GPs and specialists weren't getting the complete records of her medications and treatments. I had to really be politely persistent. She had a lung biopsy once, a painful experience. The next week, her oncologist wanted another one. I piped up- oops, they hadn't gotten the records from the other doctor yet. Oh, double oops, yes we did, but the doc hadn't looked at them yet.

Mom was a very large PITA when ill, but it improved once she was taken off some meds. The biggest thing was that she realized that I was on her side but wasn't going to tolerate nonsense.

 

[3goodeggs]

agingcare.com
They will have all kinds of links and advice on how to handle these things. They will be able to give you advice on how to get in house care and ... well, a lot of stuff. I do not want to divert you from BYC, but it will help you in this situation.
You are not alone in this.
been there, done that. there's no t-shirt either.

 

[Kitt]

Quote:
She takes herself to the doctor. And the doctor knows what she's on because he gave it all to her. Now she says the morphine isn't working on the pain so they are going to be giving her something stronger. I think. She won't let me go to the doctors with her. She won't even let fil go. I went once and when he asked how she was doing and she told him she was walking the ranch and etc...I piped up and said how it was. He didn't take me seriously and she continued to lie. So now I'm not "allowed" to go to her doctor appointments.

She got on this death kick for about 3 months. Crying and saying how she is ready/wants to go sit at her fathers/Jesus's feet, how she's ready to die etc etc etc...Finally I heard all of that I was going to. After what I said, and the look on her face, she don't say it any more. I'm just so darn snippy any more. She tries to talk religion to me (i'm not going to heaven cause I say things

) and I listen to that for about an hour or two then tell her she needs to stop judging people, lying etc if she wants to go. That shuts her up for a bit.

She has pulled money out of her life insurance to buy stupid fleece baby blankets for her dogs and cats to lie on, cookbooks and other random stupid things that just lie on her bedroom floor. If I'm lucky I'll have just enough to bury her if something (god forbid) happens to her. That is how much she has pulled out. Fil wants to give me POA but she is fighting it. She's mad because I have a POA for my DH and she don't.

 

[sfw2]

Are you living in your in-laws' house, or are they living in yours? If they're living in yours, I think it's time to set some rules, e.g., MIL doesn't drive (regardless of her mental status, she shouldn't be driving on some of those meds, anyway), dogs are crated if not housetrained. If they don't like the rules, they can go and live somewhere else.

It's certainly more complicated if you're living at their house while your husband's deployed, but there's still no reason that you should have to deal with all this alone. I agree with the previous posters who said to let her doctor know EXACTLY what's going on with her.

 

[Jerseycoop]

hi Kitt, Love your Crinkle! So handsome. That's ashame the family is like that to their own Mom and treating you so badly for opening your heart to your mil. Karma has a way....eventually. I think someone posted something here with advice for the aging, which is probally a good step forward. From experience I've seen this before with my husband's grandma. His father and uncle took turns every other month taking care of her, she had the same illness. In the end my hubby's Mother refused to help any longer as while as his grandma's other dil. Grandma was placed in a well kept assisted living housing, where she had round the clock care. She's been there for the past 4years. They went through medi-care or medicaid for approvals as well as her Doctor putting in a letter of recommendation for assisted living. I hope some help comes to you soon. May your hubby come home safe.

 

[Ceilismom]

I'm afraid I can't offer much more than sympathy (lots and lots of sympathy) for most of what you're dealing with. With regard to the driving though, I do have a suggestion. I had to ask the county sheriff to put in a request to have FIL's drivers license suspended pending a driving test. I could see he shouldn't be driving any more, DH could see it but refused to risk the wrath, and MIL and BIL were in total denial about his driving competence. I couldn't live with the fear of him killing somebody any longer. FIL did not get his license back. I would imagine that the procedure varies by state, but it's worth looking into.

 

[Imp]

I'm sorry Kitt

Imp

 

[Kitt]

Quote:

Thanks Imp

 

[Kitt]

Thanks everyone for the hugs and everything. I feel better now. First time I've just said how I feel in about 4 years. Don't know how that happened cause I never keep my mouth shut.

 

[BrattishTaz]

You really are dealing with a lot right now.

I'm sorry MIL is a PIA. I take care of my dad who is...difficult at best.

I agree with the others about contacting her doctor. You can get his name off of one of her pill bottles.