Can't do this much more

[drdoolittle]

Wow, I'm so sorry for the situation you're in. It would be bad enough if your hubby were there with you, but that you're there alone makes it so much harder. I can't believe the in-laws won't act like adults and help with thier own mother. As for all the medications she's on, it sounds like she might be a hypochondriac (sp?) and the moaning thing is probably her way of getting attention. My own father was like this, and his doctor didn't help with the free and easy way he'd write prescriptions for anything. I hope things get easier for you-----you really do need some support locally.

 

[sheaviance1]

Kitt, include the medication list in your note to the doctor. My Mom battled lung cancer for 8 years, and was on a drug coctail. Some of them were interacting and she was cranky/depressed because she felt so bad. She chalked feeling terrible up to having lung cancer, and never asked her doctor. Her pharmacist is the one who caught it, and called her and her doctor. Once they re-evaluated and changed her meds, she started feeling better. She was being treated for blood pressure, arthritis, and a enormous array for cancer and the symptoms caused by her chemo treatments.

I would definitely take gritty's advice. She's the stuff!

As for you, don't feel guilty for needing a break. You should probably take a few extras. One important thing for you to remember is that by always being "available", you are enabling her to not do anything. A lazy person will always leave things undone if there is someone available to do it. It sounds like she could get by with a little less hands on care from you with no ill effects. Perhaps as you are on your way out the door, you could ask her to swap the laundry while you are gone. And don't feel guilty for doing it because in caring for her, you need to help her get the exercise that she needs. Carry the laundry in there with her and ask her to help you fold it, start including her in small daily chores, she should get the hint pretty quick.

 

[Kitt]

Quote:
I have left stuff un-done. And it stayed that way. I did leave for a few days at x mas (bil was here) and I came back to the house trashed. Every dish dirty and piled up. Her animals not cleaned up after. I said screw it and left it all. For 6 more days. It just piled up. Finally I couldn't take the stench any more and had to clean. Took me days to get the smell out. She is lazy. She won't clean her room so on her headboard of her bed she has about 100 empty pudding and yoghurt cups piled up.

Her pharmacist is on the military base and knows what she is on. Not knocking military doctors but she has one doctor that gives her whatever. As long as she shuts up, she gets it. She has went to the commander because they wouldn't refill her morphine before the time they were supposed to. She got it. When she over doses...i'm dealing with it. When she is going thru withdrawals because she ran out early....I'm dealing with it. And sometimes not so well. I yell back. Sometimes. I have actually told her to take this ranch and shove it .....fill in the rest. It's my ranch. I will leave it. Been thinking about it. Leave and let it get foreclosed on. Economy is so bad property out here isn't selling. Goodness knows they wouldn't make a payment. Their other house was foreclosed on. They filed bankruptcy twice because FIL let her control the money and she bought yankee candles, hair extentions from QVC, clothes that she didn't need, the usual. And she still done it. Couldn't follow the budget the bank lawyers provided because it did not allow her to buy needless items.

Sorry rambling again.

 

[schellie69]

I am sorry about what you are going through., I do know for a fact that by law with some of those meds she is not allowed to drive for a certain amount of time after taking them. I know this because my Pain doctor told me and I do take some of these meds also and I don't drive while taking them. I would check with the local law enforcement about this but she could be charged with driving while under the influence this means drugs also legal or illegal. Since it is your ranch it is time you tell her dinner done she must eat with everyone else do not take her a plate. She is being enabled by to many people. I would sit firm rules and stick to them. She is playing a dangerous game with taking to many of those pills I think she is actually addicted to them and using them wrongly or in the wrong way is causing more problems for her. It is time for FIL to stand up and do something call social services and see if they have respite care or if she can get a home health aid to help with her care this will take some stress off of you. I wish you luck and will keep you in my prayers.

 

[Kitt]

Quote:
Thanks schellie

She is addicted. She will admit that every now and then. She pops pills while driving. I have talked to a sheriff and he said they can't do anything unless they see her doing something.

Fil won't do anything. I have talked til I'm blue about her driving. He will say he's going to take her keys, etc but never does then says he don't want to hear her complain and whine etc etc. I threatened to put her in a home and none will take her. The last time Adult Protective was out (thanks to sil) I talked to them and then she came out to join the conversation and they said there was nothing wrong with her. But she admitted that she "cant do anything for herself.".

I tried the come and at least get your own plate thing. She wouldn't do it and then called SIL saying she hasn't eaten in days or she almost fell while carrying her plate, etc etc. Then SIL calls ADPS and I have to go thru that again.

And the last time they were out they "suggested" that if she can not come get her plate that I should take it to her.

It's like a no win situation. But things are going to change one way or another. It has to.

 

[Doc1]

one of the wisest things you may do is video her laying around and catch her moods
go to a senior citizen center and see if they have anyone there that can help you swing the pendulem your way with some authority backing you
I think it is time for you to wash your hands of the problem
She has a husband he has a wife and they both have kids
You keep mentioning the bil so that means they are close as well as the sil
make sure everything is clean and up to snuff take pics or better take video and cover everything
food in cabinet clean fridge with good food in it floors and all
then pens everything fed and taken care off mail that video to yourself return receipt requested to another address where you will be staying/ may would even make two copies and mail both at different times.
Now walk over and hand all three a letter telling them the palce is clean and you are leaving maybe would record the info as prove or maybe even mail them a letter certifide so you have proof they knew you were gone THEN LEAVE AND DO NOT GO BACK
if at all possible have witnesess to see the place the day you leave
wait several days take different friends or whatever back with a camera and start another tape if the place is trashed and messy
take that tape and contact the local authorities and file cahrges on the bil and sil for parent abuse or whatever
You do not have many options other than talk to an attorney that deals with this sort of problems and see what he says
If you do nothing you could wind up defending yourself aganist abuse, or without a husband when he gets back so do something
You can do some google searches for old and elderly abuse or something like that ,you could even do some free attorney searches for answers for thsi problem

 

[redhen]

Sounds like MIL needs rehab...

 

[Kitt]

Well, I lost my mind tonight. I went out with the chicks for a bit and came back in to total destruction.

Her dogs went crap all over the floor, got into the trash can and had trash from one end to the other, ripped the bag of shaving, and chewed DH boots into little pieces.

I waited until FIL came home and talked to him outside. I asked him to sit at the patio table and I was bringing MIL out. I made her get up and walk thru the mess. Then I told her to sit down. That is went I went a little psycho. I told her I was tired of this crap. She interrupted with "i know i should get up and help"....I cut her off right there. I said yes you should but ya don't. You won't. These are not my dogs and I am NOT cleaning up after them. YOur cats who pee everywhere WILL be living outside. YOUR dogs will be kept in your room. (I went and bought a gate for her doorway.) IF you do let them out you will be responsible for their actions. YOU will replace my husbands ostrich boots. TOMORROW. Your dogs destroyed them today they will be replaced tomorrow. YOU will clean each and every mess they make. You will either eat with me at the table or you come and get your own plate. Exceptions will be made to the plate thing if you are ill. If you are that sick daily, go see a doctor. If you are that sick, you surely don't feel up to playing computer games all day. I will not bail you out of financial issues anymore. You will not call me nasty names to anyone. YOu will not lie to other family members about how mean I am or anything else. Your sons are not welcome here. They cause chaos and drama every time and I'm sick if it. You want to see them, go visit. My house MY rules. My chickens and other livestock are mine so leave them alone. No switching pens or freeing anyone. You want to do something, ask. I always try to inform people but I just get ignored. Any more crap, APS will be called and I will tell them to take you to a home. I don't care whose home just as long as it isn't mine. We said we would take care of you but this is ridiculous. I will tell DH everything and what I just said and done. You know what he is going to say. I'm tired of trying to help and end up feeling like a big ol pile of poo daily. I don't deserve it.

There was more but yall get the idea. I feel sooooo much better. And calm.

Thanks everyone for suggestions and the

 

[Imp]

Good for you.

Imp

 

[Carols Clucks]