Child taken off plane because mother slapped her...

[sourland]

My mother slapped me in the face once. I told her to go to h*ll. I was seventeen, and I deserved it. Little kids do not need to be slapped in the face under any circumstances. There are better more padded areas, and a well placed swat always sufficed for mine. I don't like anything about this particular situation. Frustration be darned. Who's the adult?

 

[Royd]

Quote:
i LOVE those jokes!!!

Mommy, Mommy, it's dark down here.

Shut up, Son, or I'll flush it, again.

 

[welsummerchicks]

Heather Lynn, I think that if a person is a 'strict' parent, they are not necessarily abusive. If they spank once in a while, it is not automatically abuse.

I think most reasonable people realize when it goes from a reasonable punishment and crosses the line to abuse.

Parents these days, as in all generations, some are very light on discipline, and some are very heavy on the discipline. It is no different than it ever has been. One parent is very against spanking, and the next is not. Just like when I was five, and it's the same way when I will be eighty five.

It can be argued about til the cows come home, and longer, and has been, every single generation. 'This ain't no new fight', as the saying goes.

Today we have parents who don't have a bed time for the kids. They go to bed when they are tired. Where they want, when they want. Some people have a fit when they see it.

For some people, it just works. It depends on the kid, and on the parent. Some families are more high strung and it is harder to get anything to happen no matter how you handle it.

My one friend does that no bedtime thing. The kids come up to me at anout eight thirty or so, and say, 'Good night'.

My friend told me at first the kids would stay up late, but the thrill wore off after a while and they started going to bed when they were tired. They started saying things like, 'I sleep better in my bed', and toddling off to bed by themselves.

The kids also 'choose' their breakfast. No, they don't eat candy and ice cream for breakfast. They make their own breakfast, so they pick from what is in the fridge.

And yeah, in some families it is a disaster. Another gal at work told me they tried it, and it was a disaster.

Friend of mine's kid was not potty trained. At five or six, they were told he could not go to school unless he was potty trained. SO they called in all sorts of experts and tried a lot of different things. He would hold it in for days. They used rewards, punishments, laxatives, all sorts of things. He was getting medical problems from holding in so much. It took several years to totally resolve the problem. He got normal discipline, they didn't indulge him or anything. Sometimes things just happen. Maybe no one at all is to blame, and this is just the way this kid is. Maybe he had a medical issue no one knew about.

I don't actually believe that every criminal was spoiled by his mommy, or every drug addict wasn't spanked enough. I don't think every mentally ill person was abused or spoiled, either. Sometimes things just happen. For no reason, or for reasons we don't even know about yet.

It's very easy (especially for those of us who are older) to look down on the new generation of parents and say tisk tisk, the world is going to hades in a basket because of how children are raised. I for one would not want to be in their shoes. More women hold down full time jobs today than ever before, kids are bombarded with tv and the internet, and drugs are everywhere. They're pushed to grow up fast and achieve, achieve achieve. I think parenting is a very tough job.

 

[HeatherLynn]

Oh man I wish my kids would do the bed time thing. Well my son will. My daughter will not. She is all my child and she will push herself till she drops. Its like she cannot fit enough into a day.

Thats all I was trying to get across. Not every method works for other families. Don't judge. There is a huge difference between abuse and discipline. I was just frustrated at the path the conversation was going.

 

[welsummerchicks]

I was a stayer upper. My dad tried punishment, I'd just hide under the covers with a flashlight.

Those that can't go to bed, they often have...what is it called? Perseveration. Where they can't switch from one thing to another. So they keep on and can't make the switch.

A friend of mine would sit down with her kid and explain why something was a problem, and ask her son how would he fix it if he was a dad. They would agree on a way, and she would make an 'official contract' and she and he would sign it. I guess at one point at day care he told the lady he said 'I have a official contract' to pick up his toys. it worked great with that kid. Would it work for someone else? Maybe not but he was very thoughtful and it worked with him.

Well, it used to frustrate me too, but I got to where I decided, when people give these adamant opinions one way or the other, that they just haven't seen all kids and all parents. Just babysitting, I found out that there are a lot of variations in how families raise kids and they don't all fail just because they are a little bit this way or that.

a few years ago everyone was using snaffle bits on horses with two pieces in the mouth. The three piece were only for horses that were really bad pullers. We were told, 'The three piece is only for pullers, it is like a vice on the bars of the mouth'.

And so we said, well, that sounds good, I will use the two piece. We went out and bought two piece snaffles.

Then a few years ago, someone came out and said, two piece snaffles jag the horse on the roof of the mouth and are like a nutcracker, an instrument of evil, just awful. You should always use a three piece'.

And we were told, 'A thin bit is harsh, use a thick bit, thick spreads out the pressure'.

And so we said well, that makes sense.

Then a few years ago, someone out and said, 'the horse's mouth is tiny, there is no room in there for such a thick mouthpiece, that is really cruel'.

So we went to a thinner bit.

So finally I read someone said, 'The two piece never was like a nutcracker and never hit the roof of the mouth'.

And we heard, 'Don't use a real thick bit, and don't use a real thin one'.

The pendulum of public opinion is always bobbing and swinging on every subject that anyone ever makes a decision on. And that pendulum never swings A LITTLE, it always swings to extremes. No spanking! Spank! No spanking. As the saying goes, if we followed every opinion we ever heard, we'd be like cats chasing our tails.

A few years ago someone told me, 'Oh my ***!!!!! A TWO PIECE SNAFFLE! YOU WILL RUIN THIS HORSE'S MOUTH!' Well, well well, a few years before that it was the opposite.

And I went out for lunch with a gal who refused everything on the menu saying, 'I only eat things with three ingredients or less'. So that is the latest thing now.

You live long enough, and all of it starts to be...mildly entertaining, not much more.

 

[EweSheep]

Welsummer, I love those pendulum quotes on the snaffle bits! Man, it is so true, no spanking or yes spanking. Yes it is such a hard work being a parent and you always had to watch over your shoulder and everywhere you go when you correct a child. That is so mind boggling!

Two nights ago, I spanked my DD once in the butt for disobeying me, she ran in the parking lot, got inside the building, holding the doors so we could not enter and ran to the countertop and shouted orders. AFter I spanked her, I went down her level and told her why I spanked her for disobeying me, not only once but three times! Next time if she does it again, we will walk out and she will NOT be at the DQ again. She straighted up yesterday, perfect as you can be, not running in the parking lot, etc. She does slip once in a while and I just firmly remind her, remember, do not run down to the bathroom, there are older folks that cannot walk that fast.

I pulled her back once for cutting in front of an elderly lady in a line, and I remprainded her why she should not cut in front of anyone standing in line and it was very very rude. Then she cried and told the lady she was sorry. The lady told her it was all right, it was not a problem!

It is a problem for ME, as a parent trying to teach her it is RUDE to cut in front of a person and have her be RESPECTFUL to elderly and pregnant ladies! Oh, no, it is NOT alright there! My parents did not teach me to disrespect my elders! (except for my mother's parents...I have no respect for them in the way they treated us).

 

[welsummerchicks]

THEN you have to teach the poor confused kid that 'the lady is just being polite, it IS a problem'.

I actually think it is GOOD for kids to learn that people don't always say what they feel exactly. I might have said, 'you're very kind'.

Although it probably would of been more like, 'Well I don't want my kid to knock some poor frail ancient little lady over and cause her to have a stro......UH....I mean....er...thanks'. (Mouth, here's foot! Foot come on in!)

kids need to learn their social graces. It is not easy or natural for them. They get wired in public and make a lot of blunders. It takes time. I think it is best to correct it right when it happens.

But...ok...how do you find the words to say, 'No, Jeremy, don't pee on the book store lady's lap when she is doing Story Time'. I mean, they just DO things, and how...how do you respond?

Like my friend with the very normal looking autistic son who LOVES fat people, he runs up to them, presses a finger into them and says, 'TENDER! TENDER!' in a loud voice.

I think my brother was 2, we were just visiting a neighbor for a second, and he just was standing there, mom was holding one hand, and he just slipped his pants off with the other hand and started peeing on the neighbor lady. Just, la la la, very nonchalant, looking right up at her. My mother looks down and her eyes widen out and she says 'ITHINKWEWILLBEGOINGNOWGOODBYEHAVEANICEEVENING' and just RUNS with us both in tow.

 

[redhen]

Quote:
i LOVE those jokes!!!

Mommy, Mommy, it's dark down here.

Shut up, Son, or I'll flush it, again.

Sick puppy..

 

[agnes_day]

my all time favorite is

"mommy mommy, i hate daddys guts!!"
"shut up and eat your dinner!"

or the other one
"mommy mommy, dads puking!"
"get a fork before your sister gets all the big chunks!"

 

[mangled]

One of my psychology instructors would say "If it's right for you, it's right. FOR YOU."

In other words, we could argue this point to the end of time and you're still going to have two very distinct sides who feel, quite assuredly that they're right.

It can be applied to anything. I free range my chickens over our 13 acres. We have predators, hawks, the whole bit, and I know there is always a risk that harm could befall any of my chickens, BUT, I feel that I'd rather free range them, as nature intended instead of keeping them penned up in a run. Am I right? Who knows? It works for us. I don't think badly about people who keep their chickens in runs. Every situation differs for every individual and I'll try not to be judgmental.

All I ask is the same consideration from others.

I'm not a lazy, stressed, parent looking for the easy way out. My kids rarely get paddled. But, when they do get paddled, I assure you, the event that caused the paddling will not be repeated. I find out that sticking a blue sticker at nose level on the wall and having them rest their nose on the dot for their age in minutes is far more effective. After the time out, the problem is discussed calmly and privileges are taken away. In fact, in this house, a two day loss of computer privileges will illicit a far more dramatic response than the swat on the backside ever would. They get a half hour a day, and I can tell you, they LIVE for that computer time.

But then, there are probably people who would consider that abusive.

The last time my kids were paddled was the day they dug the tractor keys out of my husband's coveralls and managed, somehow, to get the tractor started, in gear and moving. We're talking an $18,000 John Deere with a bat-wing mower attachment. BRAND NEW. By the time I caught up with the tractor, and got it under control, my kids knew, without me saying a word, that they were in serious trouble. They sat at the table with hands folded quietly while I thought out the punishment. They had privileges removed, extra chores added, and they both got 2 good smacks.

I didn't drag them off the tractor in a fit of rage and beat them. I was too scared to do anything rational at that time anyway.

I know there are some that believe that spanking is wrong no matter what. I've seen the studies, I know what they say. I was raised on the belt. I can remember having bruises sore enough that it was difficult to sit at school. I didn't grow up a criminal. I'm not seriously depressed, I don't resent my parents and buck authority every chance I get. But that's me. I'm sure in a different environment, I could have grown up a total waste of space with no respect for anyone. I knew better than to disrespect, though, because the belt was the consequence. It's all in how the lesson is applied. I would NEVER use the belt on my kids, but yes, if they need a swat, I guarantee you, they're going to get one.

That's JMHO.

If it's right for you, it's right. FOR YOU.

Blessings-
Em