I hate to admit it but the Missus talked me into buying one of those pre-lit artificial trees three years ago, and I have to say that it is a pleasure not having to worry about watering it enough to keep the woodstove from dehydrating the tree too rapidly...it is a stark raving PITA to unpackage and "fluff" the branches on the thing every year, and it smells nothing like a good Noble Fir...
As a result though, I have almost a cubic yard of strings of Christmas lights stashed in various containers in my attic. I am beginning to worry about the structural strength of the garage ceiling. I have one box that has enough of the old standard lightbulb outdoor lights to go around the entire perimeter of our house. The last year (2002..??) we used them all, our electric bill for December was almost $400, and the lights have remained in the attic since. They are quite heavy and take up quite a bit of room, but like so many other things, I am reluctant to part with them just yet, (and not only because I dread getting them out of the attic, either...). I als have at least 2 complete (and a partial third...) gross of at least two different types of plastic gutter and shingle clips.
The first year we used out family room for Christmas, we decided to take advantage of the vaulted 11 foot ceiling, by getting a tree that was large enough that the angel just fit. Of course that meant we needed lights, but luckily the wife and I had caught the after-Christmas sales at Wally World the year before, and Lo! and Behold! sd picked up 100 light strings in every single color and combination for $0.88 (that's eighty-eight cents) a string. I ended up with enough mini-lites that I (or any of my relatives...) will never have to buy a string of Christmas lights ever again in any of our natural lives. If a bulb burns out, throw away the whole sting, and break out a new one.
I've got spare bulbs, 3,987 special flasher bulbs that have never been used, and too many of those itty bitty fuses to count. I am certain that I am personally responsible for the entire family fortune of at least one complete Taiwanese family, including ancestors, somewhere, just because of the sheer number of cheap Christmas lights I have in my possession. If the local County Electric Co-Op knew how many watts I personally control, they (along with NORAD, NASA, and several foreign countries with satellites in orbit...) would no doubt requite a special license (and commensurate fee...) if not an outright raid to confiscate my hoard.
But then the wife talked me into that tree...
I don't know what to do. I'm considering burning the insulation off of the whole mess and salvaging the copper, but that much smoke draws so much attention....
I cannot win. Even the cat is female...
