Coffee's ready...

[math ace]

TODAY - - - What to do ? ? ? First day in a LONG time that I have NOT had a billion things that I HAD to do. I still have a billion things to do - -- - BUT none HAVE to be done.

 

[Tonopah Pati]

Good morning everyone, I am on my first cup, coffee sure is good this morning.

We are getting a little cooler weather now 60 this morning. I like it.

I hope all of you have a great day today, second day of fall.

 

[math ace]

Quote:
It is awfully early for them to transfer responsibility to you. This is something they need to work together to figure out (IMHO). If she is tired, then DsiL needs to step up and pull the night shift a couple of nights. Also, she needs to learn to sleep when baby is sleeping.

As far as being depressed, you taking the baby will not change that. . . If she is depressed, then hormones are out of sink and that is normal. Dr could prescribe some meds to help with that - - - - BUT you taking over the responsibility won't help with the hormones.

It sounds like you might have to learn to say "NO" gently but firmly. I raised twins too. NO HELP from family. It was scary and overwhelming, however it had to be done.

You could offer to take the baby for a few hours in the afternoon so that mommy could nap, if you wanted too. I think daughter may just be overwhelmed and DsiL doesn't understand that he will have to pick up the slack. Being a Grown up is soooo hard some times.

Bottom line, you have to do what you can LIVE with. If this is rubbing you wrong, then don't do it.

 

[math ace]

Quote:
LOVING IT - - - I have so many things I am waiting to do as soon as it cools off just a little more. I have a garage and two outdoor sheds that need to be cleaned and organized. It needs to get into the 70's before I take those jobs on.

I am feeling the urge to have cook outs. I have Dh working on building a GAZEBO - - - we will put the grill on it and eat outdoors more often.

I LOVE fall

 

[oesdog]

Quote:
It is awfully early for them to transfer responsibility to you. This is something they need to work together to figure out (IMHO). If she is tired, then DsiL needs to step up and pull the night shift a couple of nights. Also, she needs to learn to sleep when baby is sleeping.

As far as being depressed, you taking the baby will not change that. . . If she is depressed, then hormones are out of sink and that is normal. Dr could prescribe some meds to help with that - - - - BUT you taking over the responsibility won't help with the hormones.

It sounds like you might have to learn to say "NO" gently but firmly. I raised twins too. NO HELP from family. It was scary and overwhelming, however it had to be done.

You could offer to take the baby for a few hours in the afternoon so that mommy could nap, if you wanted too. I think daughter may just be overwhelmed and DsiL doesn't understand that he will have to pick up the slack. Being a Grown up is soooo hard some times.

Bottom line, you have to do what you can LIVE with. If this is rubbing you wrong, then don't do it.

Its not rubbing me wrong - I just want to do what is right. I mean I know Dd has to go to college and finish off her education that is important and good on her for going back to it. I can certainly live with haveing Jess while she does that. But then theres those days lessons finish at noon and she wont come for Jess untill 4.30 and then expects me to make her T ???? I also don;t understand why DSIL can't take Baby if he is home????? I know dear love im he needs to sleep sometime because he has been pulling the night shift which is good and I understand how tired one can get with tiny kids. They just have to take the reins. It is getting a bit much to be honest and I dont want to have to go into all the "your the Parents" Get on with it stuff unless I have to.

I mean they don;t seem to understand that I have Danny to look after at night who still gets up and wets and needs his nappies changed and she can;t do a Baby!!!!!!!! Then DH has his heart condition and is unwell a deal of the time and then I have the other twin Ben Who we took for lunch today and honestly I was soooooo glad to take him home. He was terrible again and very hard work! Now I just heard the Brain Injury team are finishing with him - yeah - So hes fixed now is he Right!!!!!

No actually not they just figured how difficult he is and basically gave him back so lands in our lap again! But what can I do with two 23yr olds who can;t look after themselves Dh is awy to bed says the boy drained him and he can;t cope and his BP is through the roof again. DH can;t do a day through without having to go to bed.??????? My eldest Mike is working in the city so he isn;t available that often to help but he comes down as best he can. I miss him and Emm his partner but they have to work. Emm got back to her teaching which is great news. Somedays I don;t know which way is up I can tell you. At least Jess is sleeping now. I have her all night tonight and all night tomorrow night. Dotty did say - oh I will stop buy to visit Jessica later?????????????????? When I ask if they miss her both say NO. Love her she wasn;t planned and they are struggling with any connection at all. - ??????????? If I said NO - would they leave her with just anyone - I need to make certain she is safe. I love her and the hard part is we would have had more kids if the Twins were not so handicapped. Sometimes DH and I accidently come off with your mummy and Daddy this or that refering to us not her parents!!!! This is way bad and we have to NOT do that. It's hard being Granny and Grandad!!!!!!

Anyhow going to go pick soem Green Tomato and see what can be done with them. - Having a good feeling about wee Omlet too she is standing more and more again and I am soooo hoping she pulls through. That Darn Vet charged me £25 to tell me to neck her. I don;t think they appreciate that chickens can be loved as pets as well as produce eggs and go in the pot. They are the ultimate all rounder really!

Oesdog - Take care

 

[rancher hicks]

Hey everyone,
getting ready for breakfast now that someone mentioned it.

oesdog , wish I was there to help.

My DD has been getting better at coming out of the cave upstairs with the baby. I had to put some pressure on her. Not that she's depressed she's just is so afraid of being a bad mommy, so she's afraid to let go of the baby. I finally got her to let me babysit alone while she went to the bank. Everytime the baby fusses it's "gotta pick her up and feed her" and she can't nurse her in front of Dad. So she stays upstairs. We have a small sitting area up there.

I know a few things about depression and one thing is to be honest. The "I don't know why I'm depressed is bunk". There is a reason and it has to be talked about. Sometimes things aren't as bad as we think they are and a little light on the subject can reveal the answer we're looking for. One thing I've learned in all my years of living is that Everyone has issues, everyone seems "normal" until you get to know them. Although, there is no such thing as normal. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence until you climb over it. Then you see the bull manure and say hey, my life aint' so bad.

I'm saying this cuz you know what? There are alot of depressed people in this world. Maybe what I say will help someone else who knows someone who suffers. Depression shouldn't be hidden. It's not a curse, nor contagious. Now your all saying what is this guys talking about , how does he know? Cuz this past summer my neices son killed himself thats' how. My other nephew hides upstairs at home, screaming at God and people who aren't there, thats, how. I never mentioned it here cuz I don't want anyone to go, "oohh poor rancher" . I'm fine. One thing about belonging to a big church is you see alot and learn alot.

Now for those who know folks who suffer, if the meds aren't helping it's time for a change. Things can and do get better.

Hope something I said helped someone.
Love you all
Rancher

 

[math ace]

Osedog,

It sounds like the unplanned preg. is not being resolved. . . .
The children need to learn that they are parents NOW and that comes with responsibilty.
If Dd doesn't have enough energy to go to school full time and take care of baby full time, then Dd will have to cut back in classes.
I went back to school when my twins were tiny - - - it was for my mental health - - so that I could be around ADULTS for a little bit.

We had no money, living off of Dh's paycheck only! So, I took classes in the evening when Dh was home. He babysat and I took classes - - - only 1 or 2 a semester.

Later as the babies got older, I traded baby sitting services with a neighbor. She watched them a couple of days during the week so I could go to classes and I baby sitted hers a couple of days a week so that she could run errands.

You are being taken advantage of by your children. If you don't lay down the law - - - you will be walk all over for a long time.
They may not like being parents - - - - but that really is not an option.

As far as they would let anybody watch them - - - well others won't watch them for FREE so o o o they will have to start making some choices.

Your Dd will have to realize that it is NOT all about her anymore. She has a child NOW and will have to make decisions that reflect that. She won't make those choices IF you allow her to avoid her responisibilities : )

Suggest she return the baby sitting favor by taking care of her brother and baby for a few hours . . . . My guess is she will find another way.

Good Luck - - - remember you have to take care of YOUR child BEFORE you take care of hers ! ! ! Get some sleep. Wearing your self out will do your family no good !

 

[rancher hicks]

didnt know this was an unplanned pregnacy, but ya know.

My SIL got preg when she was 15 and my mother helped her mother change the birth cert so she was 16 and her mother signed so they could get married. My bro would have gone to jail at that time. Well they were married til the day they died. Had six kids and I remember they didn't have alot of money for a long time. Not enough space to tell the whole story. But my SIL eventually went to nursing school and became a nurse. Through the years she did alot of stuff helping at school and being a Den mother and Girls scouts and all that.
They built two houses, one was a log cabin.

So what's my point? Well I had a physical therapist who said to me when I whined about being hurt and not being able to work. "It's not the end of the road, just changing directions". So when you meet with a situation that seems like it's the end, you may just need to change directions.

For me personally, I went back to school and got a college degree, have a new house and chickens and get to help at the school serving soup to the kids which is fun. BTW, I'm the only one of eight kids with a college degree.

Now if as was said oesdog , your DD's preg was unplanned maybe someone needs to ask the honest question does she think she ruined her life. Cuz the truth is she didn't and whether others like me saying it or not, God saw that baby while she was in her mothers womb. He knew Jessica would be born before your daughter or anyone else did.

Jer. 1:5 (God speaking) "Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee". This tells us that God knew each of us before we were even conceived. He knew Jessica would be born.
Ps 127: Lo, children are a heritage of the Lord: ( a gift from the Lord)

I've said that the bible says not to be conformed to the things of this world (its attitudes). We should not be like the world into thinking children are a curse rather than a blessing.

God bless you all
Rancher

 

[chics in the sun]

Your in trouble now, Oesdog - the Social Worker is in, and here it goes (just kidding

):

It sounds like your daughter is having a really hard time adjusting to motherhood. It's hard for everyone, but having it be an unplanned pregnancy makes it harder. I deal with that everyday at my job, and it can be overcome, but it will be a lot harder if you are doing so much of the "mothering" for her. And the less of it she does, the less competent and confident she will feel, and the worse the depression could get. If the doctor who told her that where here working with one of my girls, you better beleive that doctor would be recieving a call from me!
I know what it is to be depressed and a new mother at the same time. I lost my husband to cancer when my son was two months old, but even through the fog of grief I knew that if I was going to survive it with my little family of two intact, I had to do it by being the best mother I could be despite how I felt. I can't tell you how many times I politely declined people's offers to watch my son for me for overnights (mostly from my in-laws). That's not to say I did it on my own - I had wonderful support from everyone around me, and my mother helped me out once or twice a week, but that was usually in my own house with me there. What kept me from sinking completely into myself was keeping my son front-and-center in my life.
Obviously your daughter is not going through something quite that traumatic, but it is still a difficult time and the only way she and her boyfriend will adjust and come out of it is to do it together as a family. If I were you, I would set a very firm schedule for her of when you are willing to take care of your grandaughter, and for how long. You figure out what you can handle, and don't negotiate. Reasure her that she is capable of handling this change and will be a great mother, give her the help and advice she needs, but limit how much of it you are doing for her. You've paid your dues in this area, and in a way you still are with a disabled son.

On a lighter note, Fried Green Tomatoes:
1 egg, beaten
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup cornmeal
1/4 cup four
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
4 gree tomatoes, cut into 1/3 inch slices
3-4 tblsp vegetable oil
Combine egg and milk; set aside. Combine cornmeal, flour, salt, and pepper. Dip tomatoes in egg mixture; dredge in cornmeal mixture. Cook in oil in skillet over medium heat until golden brown on each side.

Have a great afternoon, everyone. Enjoy those chickens!

 

[oesdog]

Quote:
Sorry to say but everyone with disabled kids has to have a social worker here you don;t have a choice!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh