Coronavirus, Covid 19 Discussion and How It Has Affected Your Daily Life Chat Thread

[electrycmonk]

Hmm, how do I explain this.

My brother is abusive. My family STILL don't remember any calm explanations for why I don't want to be around him and it's been 20 years but they remember the shouting matches crystal clear. "But you're family! You should forgive him!" Was ALWAYS in an attempt to make me be willing to be around him.

I've got five niece/nephews across three mothers from him, some older than me. Of his bio kids, four have had hospitalized suicide attempts (3 have multiples), two have been arrested at least once, and three are addicts, none of them has a career, home, only one has a stable partner, etc. The youngest is a teen mom with my grand-niece just this month, no dad involved, lives with her mom still and works at a drug store as a cashier, was previously diagnosed with severe kleptomania. Some of my sisters recently tried to stop my brother from taking my fathers retirement money. One of them confessed to me that she was scared he was going to show up at their doorstep with a gun if she kept trying.

Seeing what other people went through I can't even imagine what it would have been like if I "forgave" him, and tried to exist around him peacefully. Would I even be alive right now? I genuinely don't know.

Anger, grudges, fear - these are often responses we develop to keep us safe from harm. There's no nice platitudes that make them go away - only real growth on behalf of the people causing harm or an absence of the person doing harm. Certainly if it's over something less we should develop the ability to let it go. And if you have the option to just not engage with someone without consequences, that's good! That means you can stop being hurt and move on!

But real forgiveness, the kind that lets you get along with someone, have a coffee with someone, celebrate a holiday with someone? That requires love. It's for things like "You broke my favorite tea cup", or "You called me a mean name in jest and it actually hurt" or even "You did something VERY dangerous but you realized it could have hurt me and felt bad and took steps to not do it again". Not "You did something that risked my life and didn't care and still don't and you will continue to risk my life for your own benefit". How can you try to love someone who is happy to see you in pain and refuses to try to be better? That's just toxic behavior - if that were someones husband, we'd tell them to get a divorce! It's not better if it's "family".

We live in a time when a lot of choices have the potential to risk a lot of lives. So it does not surprise me at all that people are divided. Because REAL forgiveness, the kind that lets people get along instead of avoiding one another, doesn't happen without recognizing harm.

I can't "walk in your shoes" but, I have "walked some of *that road* a time or two over the last 40+ years." Abuse from 'family' is one of the hardest experience to wrap ones head around with regard to this topic of "forgiveness" & @Guernsy 's post above #18,210 is a lot more concise than I could be here.

I just can't go into it here publicly. You have obviously had plenty of time to meditate on this and find the best possible path for you to travel upon now adays. That is very admirable and impressive given the destruction & scars that "brother" has done and continues to do.

I have in scale much smaller hill to get over with regard to my DB & SIL which truthfully hasn't changed any since covid-19-mare rolled up on our shores and sent my VA counseling into "pause mode".....

Growing up hearing the phrase "Hindsight is (always) 20/20" has really been a very tough thing to chew on *mentally speaking* over the last 3-4 years. Wondering how we/I/you/collectively and not-so-collectively will look back on this "year" and wonder how we did what we did to survive it. Over the last 2-3 months I think I finally came to a conclusion that a parallel could be close to what a cross between the Great Depression & the Plague could of been like. However, that's still a weak rough draft; as I have yet to fit the racism/prejudice explosion into the mix....

(Fingers crossed) (heavy sigh) g'nite y'all

 

[ChocolateMouse]

Yeah, it's been almost 20 years now since I stopped speaking to my brother and honestly the best time I had mentally in that regard is when my mom hated his guts too (for other reasons) and he wasn't allowed around. Then she made nice because she was in hospice (note that it wasn't the terminal cancer itself that did it, she enjoyed four years without him still, it was running out of treatment options entirely) - understandable but threw my world into a tailspin ever since.

I must admit, I wouldn't wish it on anyone but it's gotten a lot easier now that he's taken a good 70+K from my dads retirement/medical funds and my three closest sisters see how terrible he is. It's been very hard for them now that the shoes are on their feet, and I can only hope they find their own balance. I washed my hands of it a LONG time ago.

Just gotta keep reminding myself - not my monkeys and not my circus.

In hindsight I think I will have done my best this year with the hand I was dealt. I'll know I did what I could to keep the people around me safe, and I used unorthodox tactics in unorthodox times to keep myself well with varying degrees of success, and that's all I really can do in the end.

 

[BDutch]

Parts of Europe are in the second wave. It started everywhere with young people partying. They rarely get very sick . But of course they infected older people too. And now hospitals and intensive care get too much patients again. One thing the hospitals do better now. They have better medications and treatments. So many more people go home after a shorter time.

 

[SnapdragonQ]

I was thinking on the justice part of the discussion. Justice is good and it can be healing, and some people do need justice.
Unfortunately for many people who have been terribly and unfairly wronged, justice is not, or will not, be an option for them and they will have to figure out a way to manage around that.
I'm one of those who thinks fairness should be much higher on the scale of life, but know that we do not live in a fair world. Not by a long shot. So for me...who does not like to speak publicly about the road I've had to walk... figuring out how to separate the need for justice from everything else was part of survival. It had to be done. And yes, trying to figure these things out takes years.

I agree...sometimes the best thing for negativity isn't positivity. It's comfort, warmth, and acceptance. The acceptance that says it's ok to be upset/hurt/angry and you are accepted anyway while you work through it. That you can get through this and your circle of people/friends/support will be right there with you all the way.

 

[electrycmonk]

And a late breakfast experiment success x2.
The Un-melet
Leftover onion rings neatly stacked
5 eggs cracked and dropped into the centers of the rings.
Sprinkled Curry powder and Bragg's seasoning yeast over the top.
Put in toaster oven.....
Tastes good enough to repeat more than once


And a return to the yogurt mix-up with a few more flavors.

Started with the usual vanilla 'greek yogurt'
& The frozen blueberries. Normally we also have equal part Ricotta cheese - just not yet. Once it's down about 1/2 way I'll add the Ricotta.....
Last 2 go rounds (including this picture below) added crushed pecan and walnuts.
Then to put a mild twist, poured some coconut flavoring, the stevia sweetened version of the stuff you pour into coffee.

Definitely a repeat.... Will now be enjoying it to get down to the level for the Ricotta upgrade.

Look forward to seeing if anyone else has any of their experiments to share from recently.

 

[Folly's place]

Not an experiment, but I get the plain Greek style yogurt, and prefer the original, not the fat free, and add home made lower sugar jam, any flavor. Yummy, and not so many added ingredients, or sugar.
Mary

 

[feather13]

Following all of your posts from the past few days and just sending love to you all. I've been in similar toxic relationships with family members and while I can't understand exactly what you've gone through, I'm extending empathy and good thoughts to each of you.

Last night we had a big earthquake that woke us up. I spent most of the night gathering together our earthquake supplies, making sure nothing had expired, getting the kids dressed and back to bed, and waiting until 3am to make sure there were no aftershocks. A local seismologist thought the quake was a "foreshock" and that we should be prepared for a fairly large event since there had been a number of smaller clusters in the area recently. This, plus now the wildfires have come much closer to us. 2020 is really testing my sense of humor!

 

[SnapdragonQ]

Not an experiment, but I get the plain Greek style yogurt, and prefer the original, not the fat free, and add home made lower sugar jam, any flavor. Yummy, and not so many added ingredients, or sugar.
Mary

I do the same! And though I prefer the regular Greek, my body gets the lowfat or fat free version. The regular is just a once in a while treat. Often if I have fresh fruit I use that instead of home made jam.
During the summer I'll put fruit, or jam, some almond milk, and the greek yogurt into a blender for a quick spin.

 

[SnapdragonQ]

Following all of your posts from the past few days and just sending love to you all. I've been in similar toxic relationships with family members and while I can't understand exactly what you've gone through, I'm extending empathy and good thoughts to each of you.

Last night we had a big earthquake that woke us up. I spent most of the night gathering together our earthquake supplies, making sure nothing had expired, getting the kids dressed and back to bed, and waiting until 3am to make sure there were no aftershocks. A local seismologist thought the quake was a "foreshock" and that we should be prepared for a fairly large event since there had been a number of smaller clusters in the area recently. This, plus now the wildfires have come much closer to us. 2020 is really testing my sense of humor!

Thank you, and right back at you!
Keeping you and yours in my thoughts for the earthquake (hopefully no more are coming), the fires, and your sanity. 2020 is turning out to be one heck of a year!

 

[Folly's place]

And now the death of Justice Ginsburg. Amazing woman! She will be missed...
Mary