I’m so glad to have found this thread. I’m a total mess. My daughter split with her boyfriend-who was also her best friend- six months ago. They met in primary school and instantly became friends. I’ve never seen a young man look at anyone the way that boy used to look at her. They stayed friends for years in school until his parents moved to a new town about an hour and a half from here. When that happened, he added me to his friends list on Facebook. Even when she and him were not in contact he and I would be. It was weird. Like I knew when he needed someone to talk to. His parents had a lot of issues after he moved because they split and with him being an only child, he had very few people that really understood what he was going through. I would get an odd feeling and it wouldn’t go away until I sent him a Bible verse or some words of encouragement. He always thanked me and said that the words were exactly what he needed. During that time he and my daughter remained friends and dated other people. Then, in April of last year, my daughter was dumped by her then boyfriend and was devastated. Her bestie (as they had always been) immediately contacted her to help her through it. They talked every day for months and eventually he confessed that he had always been in love with her. At first she was scared of being hurt again and it took her a few weeks to let herself love him. Once she did, they were blissfully happy and so was I. He gave her a promise ring last Christmas. He joined the army in January and they had plans for her to join him at his first posting once he had finished training. She wrote him a letter every day whilst he was at basic training because they were unable to talk on the phone. He did the same. She and I took a trip with his mother to the basic training passing out parade which was on the other side of the country. It cost us a lot of money, but neither of us cared. He even told me he loved me when we left. He then went off to his infantry training. She made the trip over to the other side of the country one more time to see him. She said that he was not himself. They continued to contact each other on a regular basis, then he told her that he was not going to be able to contact her for ten days due to a training exercise. But that he couldn’t wait to be with her again and give her the ring she deserved (ie and engagement ring)At the end of the ten days, she was excited because they would be able to talk again. He spoke to her for about a minute and told her he would call her later, but didn’t. He went out drinking with his army buddies. She was incredibly upset. I got the same feeling that I had gotten in previous years about him when he was feeling bad, so I sent him a text, but I was a little blunt with him about the way he was behaving towards my daughter considering the fact that she was prepared to give up everything and everyone she knew just to be with him and he couldn’t give her more than a minute of his time. The next day he called her and was somewhat cold with her, but he talked to me and seemed like he was working on making things better. The following day he called her and asked if they could take a break just until his training was over. She said no because that was how her previous boyfriend had ended things and she wasn’t prepared to put herself through it again. A few hours later he called her again and told her he wanted to break up with her altogether because he wasn’t ready for a commitment but that he knew that one day she would be his wife and the mother of his children. A couple of days later he sent her a text message with a song name. She listened to the song it was all about wanting what’s best for her not what’s good for him. Since then they have texted several times, and every time it has been really nice, but he is now seeing someone else - a local girl at his current posting - and they recently became Facebook official. He seemed to flaunt the girl to my daughter through his social media - probably in an effort to help her and himself move on. It was then that my daughter decided not to contemplate a future with him anymore. He has changed so much. Even down to how he dresses. He is not himself at all. The new girl is so completely not his type it’s scary. So my daughter chose not to contact him at all, and has limited her social media posts (which he always looks at when she does post them)It’s almost as though he just went along with the new girl for an easy life. His buddies from this side of the country make fun of him because they too can see he’s not being himself. It’s as though the army has reprogrammed him to be another person. I have grieved over this break up since day one because he immediately blocked me on all of his socials and his phone. His mother said it’s because I am the one person whom he knows will be able to change his mind. I have sobbed and sobbed almost every day since the break up, and was just starting to get better when, POW out of the blue, he messaged her two days ago. They talked back and forth for nearly five hours. He kept the conversation going the entire time. On previous occasions it was mostly her who did that, although not always- he also confessed twice whilst drunk that he’s made a mistake letting her go. But this latest conversation was the first one for over two months.Turns out he is going to be deployed in April to Iraq for nine months. I have been trying to be angry with him or not care at least, then this comes up. I hadn’t cried for a few weeks, but now I’m a mess all over again. The worst part of all is that I can’t say anything to him at all. I try to talk to my daughter about it, but she doesn’t understand. Some days she needs to talk about it, but other days she just gets really angry with me. She is also very lonely and desperately wants a life partner. She was ready for one even before this young man came back into her life. Part of me still hopes for the two of them to get back together, but then another part of me is really mad at him for seeing another girl and for moving on so quickly after trying to win my daughter’s heart for so long. I just wish I wasn’t so sad all the time. Help!!
