Daughter broke up with boyfriend and I'm the one depressed!

[connie1966]

My daughter just had to end it completely with her ex boyfriend. He was her first love and she adored his family and honestly thought they had a future together. Even after he broke up with her, he continued to communicate with her giving her hope it might work out. It was a long distance relationship (he is in the military) and she found out he was cheating almost the whole time. She wants to be mad at him, but she loved him so much. After she found out about the repeated cheating, she deleted and blocked him and all of his family from all social media and cell. She had me text his Mom and apologize for her blocking them, but she has to move on. Not only is she devasted and upset, but I am too. I married my first love and I wanted it to work out for her. She feels no one wants her. I am seriously taking it as hard as she is. I think maybe it is because I hate to see her so disappointed. I don't want her to give up on finding true love.

Wow that is so sad!! And heart breaking ! Hard as it is in time she will be ok and I believe it was a blessing in disguise she will find a man who will love and respect her he wasn't worthy of her love or yours you need to see him for who he really is and let him go, i hope shes better since the breakup

 

[HopefulButterfly]

My 20 year old daughter plans on breaking up with her boyfriend of 3 years.

 

[HopefulButterfly]

I read through the posts and found the wisdom, experience and words comforting.

My 20 year old daughter is ending the relationship with her first boyfriend of three years in two days.

I haven't cried yet but feel like I need to do so. I want to warn him but know that is not a good idea. Don't worry, I know better! I just happen to care about him. He is/ was part of our family. He is / was friends with her brothers.

Thank you everyone who posted good advice to others like myself. It helps that others understand the situation.

My daughter feels energized and is excited about the new chapter in her life.

 

[Sara Ranch]

*hugs*

 

[HopefulButterfly]

Update: I posted that daughter was planing on breaking up with her boyfriend.

She did. It has been a few hours.

I am sitting here holding his jacket remembering and feeling numb. I am out of tears for now.

I will read through this thread again tomorrow for wisdom and comfort.

 

[Phiarina]

I came across this and find it very comforting. I don't know why but I am also struggling with my daughter breaking up with her bf of two years. I can't seem to let go of the thought of the two of them building a life together. Maybe it's the fact I have been with my husband since I am 15 over 25 years or maybe it's the fact they had such a perfect relationship and then one day she lost "romantic feelings for him". I was devasted and insisted she find a way to make it work. I just can't shake this feeling , they are still very close but there is absolutely no intimacy between them. It secretly makes me so happy when I know they are together because he keeps her safe and that gives me security. Since him being in her life I can't find any good in other boys she talks to. It is really ruining my relationship with my daughter, I am sad because I feel I have lost influence over her decision to be with him. I do love my girl so much and think in my hopeless mind that he is the one for her and that she is making a mistake. Like many of you said , You miss the bf coming around. Honestly, I can't figure myself out , I don't know if the attachment I have is of him or if it's the two of them being together. It just gave me such joy when the two of them were together. Up until two weeks ago he came on vacation with us , because she admits she has a special bond, but I resent that she talks to other guys and treats the ex like a dog. The ex still in his head believes they will get married if he gives her the space she needs. He also hasn't let go as to all his friends and family she is still his girlfriend. School year has started and they are both seniors in hs, the past year we have done all colleges tours together and they prepared each other for college applications. I just can't let go of all those memories and it boggles me how she just doesn't want to work it out with him. In the depths of my heart I am scared he is going to find another girl and stop entertaining my daughters selfishness. I am so hurt and lost about this. I really wish I could get my emotions under control. I cry all the time about it. We fought on several occasions but recently I have backed off and let her do her thing even though it's killing me inside. I need advice I need to vent out. Ugh I just can't get a grip on my own life and stop focusing on the two of them being together.

 

[Flock Master64]

Update: I posted that daughter was planing on breaking up with her boyfriend.

She did. It has been a few hours.

I am sitting here holding his jacket remembering and feeling numb. I am out of tears for now.

I will read through this thread again tomorrow for wisdom and comfort.

 

[TheresePark]

I am in the same boat, and can't seem to let go of my daughters ex-boyfriend. I too felt such joy to see them together
My daughter met this beautiful boy last New Years Eve at a party and they were soon very much in love. The instant I met him I liked him, he in so well to our family and was obviously so in love with my daughter and treated her with so much love and respect it made my heart melt.The only problem was that they live in different towns 100kms apart and it became too hard for him trying to juggle seeing her with school and sport commitments, so he broke it off. Everyone was upset, but I was more so than the others. After a couple of months though he missed her too much and asked her to forgive him and take him back. But she is wary of him breaking it off again and said no even though she still loves him
He contacted me distraught asking for my help to get her back realising he made a big mistake and promising not break up with her / hurt her again. I believe him and really want my daughter to take him back ( she knows this) but she has met another boy, (who my husband and I don't like).
I am an emotional wreck and hurt and lost too. It is so stupid but I feel like I have lost a son. I'm hoping other mums have managed to get "over it" (if so how?) and can give me hope that one day I won't pine for him any more. It really is ridiculous but for some reason I can't let go. Phiarina - your comment "Since him being in her life I can't find any good in other boys she talks to" is exactly how I feel, in fact nearly everything you said is a mirror of my feelings and it does help to know I am not the only one feeling like this. Did you get your advice?

 

[CrazyMum]

I’m so glad to have found this thread. I’m a total mess. My daughter split with her boyfriend-who was also her best friend- six months ago. They met in primary school and instantly became friends. I’ve never seen a young man look at anyone the way that boy used to look at her. They stayed friends for years in school until his parents moved to a new town about an hour and a half from here. When that happened, he added me to his friends list on Facebook. Even when she and him were not in contact he and I would be. It was weird. Like I knew when he needed someone to talk to. His parents had a lot of issues after he moved because they split and with him being an only child, he had very few people that really understood what he was going through. I would get an odd feeling and it wouldn’t go away until I sent him a Bible verse or some words of encouragement. He always thanked me and said that the words were exactly what he needed. During that time he and my daughter remained friends and dated other people. Then, in April of last year, my daughter was dumped by her then boyfriend and was devastated. Her bestie (as they had always been) immediately contacted her to help her through it. They talked every day for months and eventually he confessed that he had always been in love with her. At first she was scared of being hurt again and it took her a few weeks to let herself love him. Once she did, they were blissfully happy and so was I. He gave her a promise ring last Christmas. He joined the army in January and they had plans for her to join him at his first posting once he had finished training. She wrote him a letter every day whilst he was at basic training because they were unable to talk on the phone. He did the same. She and I took a trip with his mother to the basic training passing out parade which was on the other side of the country. It cost us a lot of money, but neither of us cared. He even told me he loved me when we left. He then went off to his infantry training. She made the trip over to the other side of the country one more time to see him. She said that he was not himself. They continued to contact each other on a regular basis, then he told her that he was not going to be able to contact her for ten days due to a training exercise. But that he couldn’t wait to be with her again and give her the ring she deserved (ie and engagement ring)At the end of the ten days, she was excited because they would be able to talk again. He spoke to her for about a minute and told her he would call her later, but didn’t. He went out drinking with his army buddies. She was incredibly upset. I got the same feeling that I had gotten in previous years about him when he was feeling bad, so I sent him a text, but I was a little blunt with him about the way he was behaving towards my daughter considering the fact that she was prepared to give up everything and everyone she knew just to be with him and he couldn’t give her more than a minute of his time. The next day he called her and was somewhat cold with her, but he talked to me and seemed like he was working on making things better. The following day he called her and asked if they could take a break just until his training was over. She said no because that was how her previous boyfriend had ended things and she wasn’t prepared to put herself through it again. A few hours later he called her again and told her he wanted to break up with her altogether because he wasn’t ready for a commitment but that he knew that one day she would be his wife and the mother of his children. A couple of days later he sent her a text message with a song name. She listened to the song it was all about wanting what’s best for her not what’s good for him. Since then they have texted several times, and every time it has been really nice, but he is now seeing someone else - a local girl at his current posting - and they recently became Facebook official. He seemed to flaunt the girl to my daughter through his social media - probably in an effort to help her and himself move on. It was then that my daughter decided not to contemplate a future with him anymore. He has changed so much. Even down to how he dresses. He is not himself at all. The new girl is so completely not his type it’s scary. So my daughter chose not to contact him at all, and has limited her social media posts (which he always looks at when she does post them)It’s almost as though he just went along with the new girl for an easy life. His buddies from this side of the country make fun of him because they too can see he’s not being himself. It’s as though the army has reprogrammed him to be another person. I have grieved over this break up since day one because he immediately blocked me on all of his socials and his phone. His mother said it’s because I am the one person whom he knows will be able to change his mind. I have sobbed and sobbed almost every day since the break up, and was just starting to get better when, POW out of the blue, he messaged her two days ago. They talked back and forth for nearly five hours. He kept the conversation going the entire time. On previous occasions it was mostly her who did that, although not always- he also confessed twice whilst drunk that he’s made a mistake letting her go. But this latest conversation was the first one for over two months.Turns out he is going to be deployed in April to Iraq for nine months. I have been trying to be angry with him or not care at least, then this comes up. I hadn’t cried for a few weeks, but now I’m a mess all over again. The worst part of all is that I can’t say anything to him at all. I try to talk to my daughter about it, but she doesn’t understand. Some days she needs to talk about it, but other days she just gets really angry with me. She is also very lonely and desperately wants a life partner. She was ready for one even before this young man came back into her life. Part of me still hopes for the two of them to get back together, but then another part of me is really mad at him for seeing another girl and for moving on so quickly after trying to win my daughter’s heart for so long. I just wish I wasn’t so sad all the time. Help!!

 

[TheresePark]

Hi CrazyMum. It was so good to read your thread and know that right at this moment another mum is going through this too as no one I have talked to understands. Nothing has got better in my situation and I am still feeling sad nearly all the time and it's doing my head in! I really want to help you somehow.