DD ang grandbaby moved home yesterday Update post 12

[chixie]

DD and her boyfreind are taking a break... trying to decide what they want... DD is so heart broken and its killing me watching her go thru this. she wants a job and her boyfriend wants her to stay home with the baby for awhile longer. she wants a job because money is tight and they never have money for anything extra... he doesnt understand that she needs some sleep and ontop of everything els she is staying depressed all of the time. she is going to therapist today. she is under so much stress with the baby staying sick. she only gets to go out is to take the baby to the doctor. her freinds dont seem to hae time for her since she doesnt go out partying with them. please keep her and her little family in your prayers

 

[wildorchid053]

ooooo thats tough.. it is hard when you can't get anything you want.. friends don't fit in with you anymore..bf doesn't understand. and baby is sick? she needs a break. going to the doc is the best thing for her. maybe some antidepressants will help her get on track.. give her lots of love.... from one grandma with a daughter who suffers from depression to you with the same... lots of hugs.. time on the couch together.. and lots of talking helps. last week my daughter came off her holiday high and we sat on the couch at her house and played movies and ate popcorn all day with a few nursing the baby in between.. she just leaned her head on my shoulder and sighed with relief.. nothing like a mom to help.. gl and lots of prayers and make sure she knows it will get better

 

[krcote]

Hugs

 

[chixie]

she was on meds before she got pregnant and had to stop them. hopefully it will help. its been a rollercoaster ride since Ayden was born and still is... babys daddy could help her more on the weekends when he is off. she is up with baby day and night unless I am able to go th thier apartment so she can get some sleep... this weekend was her breaking point whenboy friend could have gotten up sunday and watched the baby so she could sleep since he slept all night... enough of that. I love her boy friend I do... I know they can work it all out. I know they love each other. I think it all the stress both of them have been thru the last 3 months with the baby being born premature almost dieing and now he is staying sick...

 

[mom'sfolly]

They are both very young. The boyfriend is probably completely unused to putting anyone else's needs before his own. This has to be learned, unfortunately. Dealing with an ill, premature baby is hard for the most mature and experienced of couples. I hope everything works out for them, their baby, and you.

 

[wildorchid053]

i am surprised she was off meds for pregnancy.. my daughter has a 5 month old and took them the whole time she was preg and nursing now. daughter may have some post partum depression adding on to what she started with..

 

[HeatherLynn]

Hopefully soon Ayden will be well and he should be settling into a sleep routine in the near future. My last was a premature and it was very stressful the first few months. We have just hit a year and its hard to imagine her anything but robust and healthy. A distant memory. Hopefully your daughter getting some rest and a bit of a break and he boyfriend getting a bit of a scare by her going back to moms will get them both in the right frame of mind to talk, plan and work it all out.

 

[AngieChick]

Has she had a talk with the boyfriend about her sleep issue? If he feels inadequate to care for his child for a few hours (which some new parents do), then maybe some lessons are in order. In order to be an effective parent, she needs a break now and then, especially with an ill child. It's amazing what just getting a few more hours of sleep a night can do for you. Sleep deprivation alone is cause for depression and anxiety, let alone having the emotional roller coaster that she went on. The meds are a separate issue. To be honest, if she has talked with her BF in a clear way about what she is needing right now, and he is still not helping her, then it does not bode well for the future of their relationship (or his ability to be a true parent and partner).

Are you able to go over to her house a couple of mornings a weeks to give her a bit of a rest and perhaps a nice long shower? That could make a big difference to her.

As to the job issue, I would side with the boyfriend with this. The baby is quite young, was a preemie and is having health issues. I don't think that she should leave him in care of someone outside of family else unless they absolutely must to make ends meet. If this is his reasoning, that is. If he is wanting her to stay home so that he doesn't have to contribute to the chores and baby care, that's a different matter and a whole other issue.

 

[chixie]

I think he wants her home because of Aydens health issues... During the week I go over there several times a week. I also go with DD to all his doctors appointments so I know his medical history and treatment plans. If she goes to work I will be his only baby sitter... DD understands during the week her boy friend needs his sleep because of his job and thats not a problem to her.. . its on the week ends he promised to let her sleep at night so she can get caught up on her sleep... I also go over ther and do her laundry and straighten up the apartment so she can try to get some rest... They are having a hard time paying the bills at the moment. his job gets rained out and with the holidays his pay checks are short... I pay their car insurance and DD cell phone bills but that is all I can afford to contribute money wise. I also have kids at home and a pregnant teen... I do everything I can to help them... one of the problems is babys daddy is a very hard sleeper. and they really need to be able to get out once in awhile. He adores my daughter... I know its the stress of the baby being sickly and needing special care. at least they are talking on the phone. I know they need time ...

 

[AngieChick]

What a hard situation for all of you, and especially for a young couple to be going through. It sounds like you are doing what you can for them, and it does sound like a part time job would be helpful in their situation. My husband is also a deep sleeper and I had to shake him awake on the weekends for him to take care of the baby. I was nursing, so there was only so much he could do, but even his walking the baby and doing the changing made a big difference. It's not her BF's fault that he's a deep sleeper (I am now), but they need to come to some kind of agreement about how to wake him up.

I'm glad that they are talking on the phone. As far as going out together, when we were broke young parents we used to take a picnic to the park, or just stay in and watch a movie or play a game on the few occasions that we had someone available to watch the young ones. Even a walk around the neighborhood can be a great way to reconnect after a long day, kids tend to sleep in the stroller.

Having a baby at home can be wonderful, but most of the times it's exhausting. Sometimes you just have to survive the first year and know that it will get easier. She's so fortunate that she has you there to help, most new Moms aren't as lucky to have so much support around.