DD is afraid of dying...help!

[rowan1]

ditto what CM said

my 8 yr old DD had a similiar case, though milder. she always wanted to be w/ me and had stomach aches. her dr said it was seperation anxiety. he said just go w/ the flow when she wants to be w/ me. but since i was w/ her whenever she wanted she got better within a month. i mean i had to sit in the bathroom w/ her, go in her room just to get a toy,

 

[Patchesnposies]

I think these types of "dying" worries really are an age appropriate thing. No matter what the background situation. Our daughter was adopted from Vietnam at the age of 18 mos.

I was 40 when she came home and my husband was 46. At about the age of 7 she began worrying about the fact that when she was 40 I would be an OLD woman and (sob) probably dead! She could get herself pretty worked up about it. I think for her it went along with the abandonment issues she already has to deal with when thinking about her birth family.

It took around six months before she had gained enough maturity to let go of the near constant fretting about losing another mommy. We eventually just handled each meltdown honestly and matter-of-fact-ly, always validating those feelings and allowing her to express them (I cried with her many times) and acknowledging that life isn't always fair but that we would enjoy our life and each other for as long God gave us.

During the time's when she had other stuff on her mind, between the fretting sessions, I would bring it up and talk to her about it before she was worked up and she usually wouldn't get to the hysterical place. We made a deal that when she felt that way, we would stop everything and give all of our attention to it and then after 15 minutes put that worry away until next time. When the episode ended, usually as a snuggle fest with lots of verbalizing our love for one another and our life together, I would take her off and do some project together or something and get her mind off of it.

Over time, the need for them gradually lessened and now never do happen. We do talk about them, though, in the past tense. This is just how we dealt with this and what worked for us. I am praying for you and your daughter as she goes through this.

 

[Camelot Farms]

Thanks all!

She woke up this morning and said that she felt a bit better and that God had opened her heart to help her feel better.
We had a prayer last night in which we asked that her heart be opened to his word and to his plan and that she would be better able to understand it.

So far today we have had no melt downs but they usually happen later in the day as she winds down from school work and chores etc. So my fingers are crossed.

Right now her biggest fear is the unknown of heaven. She says that she believes in heaven and she knows that we will all be together there, but abstract thinking is still a bit beyond her age and yet she is beyond youthful trust in all that I say. Thankfully, we havent yet gotten to the point of discussing death itself. She is really just worried about being dead. If she adds the whole process of death to this anxiety, I will lose my mind....not that its a far stretch now.

She has a great understanding of Heavenly Fathers plan and her return to his kingdom. She just isnt at that point where she can say that she believes in the whole thing. To her it is still a concept. I am sure that part of this is a developmental issue added to the fact that she is an anxious child anyways. During hunting season 2 years ago, she refused to allow her teenage brothers to walk down the lane to the bus wearing brown because they might be mistaken for deer. And when I say say 'refused'...I mean ADAMENTLY refused. She was insistant that if they wore brown, they would be shot for deer. Thankfully they are understanding and simply changed their clothing choices for that week.

I know that may sound like we are 'giving in' to her irrational fears and we probably do in some cases where she is just so certain of impending doom. But, on a daily basis we do challenge some of the fears and force the situations to show her that its ok and bad things dont always happen.

Days like this I just feel incompetent, like I did something wrong in raising her to make her so anxious. I try to remember that her family history contains mental health issues and in fact DH's mother lost her life to a mental health issue. Of course DD doesnt know this.

FC, you are probably right about losing the baby goat being a trigger. We ended up losing Flash later that week and it wasnt a pleasant experience. Something neurological happened as a result of the cold maybe, we dont know. He was fine in the house for 3 days and then at noon started a horrific bleating noise, within an hour couldnt get off of his knees but was still eating and drinking so I think the noise was more out of confusion than pain. By dinnertime, he was on his side unable to use his limbs but still trying to hold his head up and at bedtime, he was gone. So, as a trigger this could definitely have brought it on. She asked us if there were goats in heaven and we told her that we believe that all things with a soul will be in heaven and that her babies (goats) would be there.

Thank you again for all who have responded. I appreciate everyones thoughts.

 

[journey11]

Right now her biggest fear is the unknown of heaven. She says that she believes in heaven and she knows that we will all be together there, but abstract thinking is still a bit beyond her age and yet she is beyond youthful trust in all that I say. Thankfully, we havent yet gotten to the point of discussing death itself. She is really just worried about being dead. If she adds the whole process of death to this anxiety, I will lose my mind....not that its a far stretch now.

To some degree it is a bit abstract for all of us. Eye hath not seen...I don't think any of us can even touch that concept with the limits of our human imagination.

All we know is that we will be where Jesus is, and though we don't know what we shall be, we will be like Him, and that's all that matters, huh!​

 

[wildorchid053]

i am wondering if she might be a little obsessive/compulsive the way she acts.. she feels better when she controls rather than trusting others to do it , and might feel a little overwhelmed with something like death that she can't control or really understand.... it made me think about the boys wearing brown... watch her and see if you notice her freaking on things she can't control or make right.. ocd runs rampant in my family.. we like it perfect and our way. or the anxiety gets out of hand.. just a suggestion..i hope she calms down over this and it will pass...

 

[journey11]

Camelot--

I subscribe to a daily devotional that I get in my email inbox by Adrian Rogers (a radio preacher) via www.oneplace.com

You'd not believe it, but this is what they had for me today:


JANUARY 15

Overcoming Fear and Worry

"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7

When we ought to be enjoying victorious, abundant lives...what happens? Fear creeps in and grips us cold. Many of us lose priceless opportunities because of this boa constrictor of fear.

When fear dominates, there is no room for Christ, Who can comfort us

"These things I have spoken unto you, that in Me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." (John 16:33).

Worry is the noxious first cousin to fear. Fear and worry will do to you what grit does to machinery — shut you down. But God gives us the victory with His power, His love, and the gift of a sound mind. The Holy Spirit is your Bodyguard. He walks with you. The man who can kneel before God can stand before any man.

Jesus has you in His sight. You are in God's right hand. Write that down and post it in a place where you can meditate on it throughout the day. Now, ask yourself, "Knowing this, can anything this week change those truths?"


Hope this can be of comfort to you and your daughter. How's that for God's good timing? He never ceases to amaze me.