DD is afraid of dying...help!

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by Camelot Farms, Jan 15, 2010.

  1. Camelot Farms

    Camelot Farms Chickenista

    DD is 8 yrs old and suffers from anxiety.

    Recently her anxiety focus has become death. I am at a loss for what to do. She has cried herself to sleep (in my bed) for the past 3 nights. Not to mention the occasional bouts of hysteria during the day.

    We have discussed God's plan with her, we have read many of the scriptures pertaining to returning to heaven. She knows that her family will be waiting for her. She knows families are forever. She believes in the Savior and knows that he is loving and kind.

    But, nothing has helped. I am fresh out of ideas and worn out from trying to comfort her. Its all I can do to not break down everytime she gets hysterical because I cant help her.

    She has a childrens story bible with all of the scriptures in 'kid-speak' and she is a very very bright little girl so it isnt that she doesnt understand, she is just petrified at the moment.

    She just keeps saying 'I want to stay here in this home'. 'I dont want to go anywhere else'. 'I dont want to go to heaven'. 'This is my home.' 'I want to be with you all of the time'.

    Yesterday she was focused on age. 'When I am 60, how old will you be?' 'When I am 80 will you still be here?'.

    Does anyone have any resources/books/websites/words of wisdom that will help.

    I am exhausted and so is she.
  2. Yard full o' rocks

    Yard full o' rocks Chillin' With My Peeps

    Mar 24, 2009
    Cartersville, Georgia
    Camelot Farms....

    We went thru something similar with my now 15yr old when he was about your DD age. Except he was constantly worried about ME dying. I am in sales and unfortunately travel a fair amount.

    He wanted me to call him constantly....when I got on the plane; when I got off the plane; from the hotel; before I went to bed; etc, etc

    I caused him GREAT anxiety. We discussed it with our pastor, family, etc. Eventually we wound up taking him to a child psychologist who over the course of 4-6 weeks was able to work with him and help him to get over his fears. Insurance actually covered the cost as well (surprising)

    Not sure if that helps you or not, but that was our experience and it worked out well.

    Will be praying for you and DD that things work out. I know that it is hard and tears at your heart
  3. PineappleMama

    PineappleMama Chillin' With My Peeps

    I think a lot of kids enter this phase at some point... either afraid they will die, or that a loved one will. Seems I've heard others having this hit after they've lost a loved one... parent, grandparent, even a pet can trigger it.

    Love, Support, Understanding, and Patience seem to be the only things I've heard recommended. Most seem to come out of it, but if yours doesn't then a counselor might be needed.

    Realizing that nothing lives forever is part of the "joy" of growing up. *hug*
  4. journey11

    journey11 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Feb 14, 2009
    So sad! [​IMG] This sounds like a little more than what is usual for a child her age. She may need counselling or some medicine to help control the anxiety. I had to have atavan once for a really bad panic attack. I have them occasionally, but this one was so bad I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the ER (I'm only 32). When they gave me the shot of atavan in an IV I could literally feel the calmness wash over me. It would be hard to know if there isn't something biochemically going on that is prompting this and I would definitely want to rule that out. It might also help for her to get assurance from a pastor. Might carry more weight (and he might know more what to say).

    With my anxiety, I know a lot of the unreasonable thoughts I have are chemically coming from my brain. I worry about trying to control everything to keep "safe". I worry about fire hazards. I nag my husband a lot about his driving (sometimes he really does make me fear for my life..ha). Stuff like that. I am always checking to make sure everything is just as it should be. It got a whole lot worse right after I had my daughter (she's 2 and a half now). This makes me also a very light sleeper and I have even had panic attacks in my sleep from worrying about something before going to bed.

    I know it takes a lot of focus to pull out of this kind of thought pattern. I can diffuse a panic attack if I try hard enough to breathe and relax and tell myself that it really is ok. Partially it is chemical, but it is also exacerbated by the thought process.

    It sounds like she's so upset right now that even trusting God might be hard for her. Wonder what she saw or heard that maybe brought this on? When I read Corrie Ten Boom's The Hiding Place, and thinking of all they went through, one thing that really stuck out to me was when her father in reassuring the family told them "our times are in His hands". John 10:27-29 is very comforting to me too. It's hard for us to imagine what our lives will be in this fallen world, and how we will make that transition from here to there, but we can take comfort in knowing that He loves us and will handle all those details for us. He promises to give us grace for living and grace for when that time comes to die. She needs to know that "all things work together for good".

    I wish I knew what else to tell you. You probably need a [​IMG] right now yourself! I ache for her because I know what that feels like, but especially because she is so young to be thinking about that. Let us know how she does. I'll be praying for you both!
  5. Mahonri

    Mahonri Urban Desert Chicken Enthusiast Premium Member

    May 14, 2008
    North Phoenix
    My Coop
    Sounds like you all know Heavenly Father's Plan for us, you just keep teaching it to her with love.

    I remember my dad telling me about his near death experience when I was a kid, what it was like on the other side before his spirit came back into his body... that was always a comfort to me... seems like there is a book out there by a Dr. Moody that we read when I was younger.

    Help her understand that she has a mission here and that Our Loving Heavenly Father won't take her away before it's her time.
  6. mamagardener

    mamagardener Chillin' With My Peeps

    My 12 year old son has had fears like this when he was around that age. It goes away, then he will worry about something else. I think it is just a part of growing up, and being a sensitive person. He now is afraid of germs to the point that whenever we get home we all have to take off our shoes and wash our hands immediately so that we don't bring any germs into the house. If we don't he will carry on like it is the end of the world. We have been considering counseling for him, because sometimes he just obsesses over these issues he has.
  7. cmjust0

    cmjust0 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Apr 30, 2009
    Central KY
    She's not saying "I don't want to be dead" -- she's saying "I don't want to die." When you explain to her what your family's faith believes about life after death, all she's hearing is that being dead won't be so bad.....which doesn't at all address what she's actually afraid of.

    Does that make sense?

    It's like a kid saying "I don't wanna leave Disneyland!" and you're saying "But we get to go back to a comfortable home after Disneyland...why wouldn't you want that?"


    If you had literally JUST ARRIVED in Disneyland with your kid for a monthlong vacation and she immediately started going "Mommy, I don't wanna go back home!"...wouldn't you just sorta advise that she not worry about that right now instead of indulging her by trying to prepare her for when that day comes? Or, at the very least, remind her that she's got a long, fun stretch of days ahead before she needs to worry her little head over going back home?

    Just sayin.. [​IMG]
  8. PineappleMama

    PineappleMama Chillin' With My Peeps

    Good way of putting it CM, I couldn't quite figure how to word it. She's not afraid of "Going Home" she knows what's there, family, friends, safe, love, etc.

    She's just not interested in leaving Disneyland yet, hasn't quite gotten her fill of rides and treats!

    You mention her being bright... so she probably has already thought of things she'd like to do/be when grown up. Teacher, Doctor, Mom, etc.

    Now that the Death Topic has come up she's fearing that she won't get to do those wonderful things that she's dreaming of.

    Support, Love, Etc. But also maybe talk about those ideas for her future... maybe research how she can reach them?
    For some anxious people having a plan in place can help you feel more secure...
    (site my anxiety with PTA stuff. If I have my list I'm fine. If I don't know who's coming, who's bringing what I'm a wreck fretting over it all collapsing!)

    Well, it's an idea anyways. *shrug*
  9. farmin'chick

    farmin'chick Chillin' With My Peeps

    Apr 13, 2009
    Rocky Mount VA
    She lost Bucky Buck, and she was really attached...Is she reflecting on that? If so, it might help to explain to her that Bucky was always a tiny boy, and every day he had was a gift, especially the time he spent with her. She, like you, was born to be healthy and strong and have a nice long life. Bucky was born to be with us just for a little while, and he got to be with her for that time. If that's not what she's worried about, she may have seen/heard something -- even the Haiti quake -- that has her putting things together (incorrectly, but logically for her) in her head. If she can talk about it more, about why she is worrying about it now, you can probably help her. You are such a great mom!
  10. AHappychick

    AHappychick Wanna-be Farmer

    Dec 16, 2008
    I worry about this as well with my ds. A few months ago he was very afraid of being burried where his father is. I just kept assuring him that no was was dying yet and it finally passed. I am pretty sure we will be in a similar place you are in with your dd as he gets older so I will be following this thread.

    It seems like you said all the right things I hope she is able to get passed this soon. [​IMG]

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