Did I do this? We have become dependent on DH!

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by lengel, Jan 8, 2010.

  1. lengel

    lengel Songster

    Apr 30, 2008
    Honest opinions please!

    I have a BA and a small business (for 14 years) but it has died in the last six months. DH has a higher degree and has been told that he will be laid off in March. He has been getting additional certifications recently with my full support because we are concerned about the economy and we have been planning for the layoff. He has also been doing phone interviews in spite of a broken leg and several positions look really good. But there's always that "What if?"

    Here's the thing. My qualifications are not strong. I have been doing the same thing with software in my own business for a long time and it is now obsolete. We have invested a tremendous amount in DH's education recently (over $10,000) because his company stopped paying for his classes. Last night I brought up taking a class for $300 so that I could start to get back in the game, so to speak. And he flipped out. Like cussing at me, flipped out. Because of the money.

    Does this seem right? Shouldn't we be more reliant on both of us instead of him, especially given the circumstances? Honestly, I think I know the answer but I'd love to hear from others in case I'm wrong.

  2. Laney

    Laney Songster

    Mar 25, 2009
    Spring Hope, NC
    In my opinion you are not wrong. DH Has a broken leg? How did he get it? Could whatever gave him the broken leg have killed him? Where would you and your children (if you have any) be with your obsolete skills if he and his $10,000 training passed away.

    I'm not trying to be overly harsh, but I was widowed at the age of 27. I was not a military wife, my husband was not ill. It was an accident.

    You both need to be able to earn a living in this economy. It's not about being a two income family. If you decide one of you should stay home there is nothing wrong with that. Before I became disabled, I was a Stay at Home Mom. It IS about being able to compete in the job market if you need to. So taking that $300 dollar class sounds like a necessity. You may need to discuss if you need to take it this semester or next semester, but you need to set a goal of getting it done in the next X set of months.

    The key is to approach it from a standpoint of insurance. You are insuring you future. It's not a competition to see who can earn the most etc. It's about insuring the future of your family. You need to be sure that you are both insurable because anyone can get hit by a bus (metaphorically here) at any time. Jobs can be lost that are hard to replace, long term illnesses can come up, injuries happen, marriages end....

    Hope this helps,
  3. BarkerChickens

    BarkerChickens Microbrewing Chickenologist

    Nov 25, 2007
    High Desert, CA
    I think relationships should be equal...if his education can be invested in, then so can yours. DH supported me during my education and now he is laid off. I am finishing up my education and am going to work in my new career in a week. He has suggested that he wants to go back to school now instead of finding a new job. He thinks he wants a career change. He supported me in my career change (a long one too! I went for a Bachelors AND a Masters!). To me, I should support him while he accomplishes his goals. Nowadays, it is difficult to live on just one income. Many people do it to raise their families, etc. But, that means that finances are tight. If one gets laid off or, God forbid, injured or dies, the other needs some sort of skill set to support the family. I think $300 is well worth the money! But, then again, I am not tradition and will very shortly be the bread winner in the family. Not all men are ok with women being in such a "role".
  4. Mattemma

    Mattemma Crowing

    Aug 12, 2009
    I think it IS a good idea for you to take classes. If your dh were to die today you would be left as you say with an obsolete education.Now is the time to prepare yourself not when things completely fall apart.Plan for the worst and hope for the best!

  5. tiki_chickens

    tiki_chickens In the Brooder

    Dec 30, 2009
    Anaheim, CA
    I think that if YOU want to go back to school and better yourself, you have every right to. If school was free, I would never stop going. If you have the potential to do something great and something that you love (and especially if you might one day be the only breadwinner), then I say go for it. Education is the best and most rewarding investment.
  6. Quote:"Awareness without action is worthless."

    Last edited: Jan 8, 2010
  7. FarmerChick

    FarmerChick Songster

    Jul 30, 2008
    North Carolina
    Quote:he is stressed. he is worried. he is beside himself right now. poor guy has alot on his mind obviously right now

    chat with him again....you might have hit him at a bad time when he was feeling low and all that.

    tough times....tell him you are a team. teams work together to accomplish one goal. he will come around.

  8. Ridgerunner

    Ridgerunner Free Ranging

    Feb 2, 2009
    Southeast Louisiana
    You know the answer to your question. It should be a team. "Should" and "if" are two huge words in the Englich language. They don't always reflect reality.

    You know your relationship with your husband. You should be asking yourself if this reaction reflects how he is or if it is unusual or unexpected. With a broken leg, the upcoming layoff, your income down, no firm job yet, I can see where he could be unusually worried. I'm not saying it is the right reaction or defending the reaction, just that I can understand where it might come from.

    I can't give you advice. Your situation and relationship is known to you, not me. People's personalities vary widely. I can only wish you good luck.
  9. lockedhearts

    lockedhearts It's All About Chicken Math

    Apr 29, 2007
    I have been unemployed for over a year now, I am collecting Unemployment for the first time in 30 years of my working life. The reality is that my previous line of work is very very slow due to economy. I am planning to go back to school for skills necessary to compete in todays economy. Hubby has a stable job, he has 20 years experience in Graphic Design but since it is not a college degree and was through the military was unable to find a job in that field. We will both update our education this year to prepare us for what could be.
    I think being prepared for the worse case scenario is the best way to go, you don't want to get caught by surprise.

  10. GaNewChick

    GaNewChick Songster

    Mar 12, 2009
    McDonough, Ga.

BackYard Chickens is proudly sponsored by