Did you always know you wanted kids?

[BarkerChickens]

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You can add three now!

As a little girl, I always figured I would have kids...'cause that's what we do. But, as I got older, my opinion on that matter changed. By my teen years, I knew that if I had kids it would by adoption only. I like kids, but I have no desire to have kids of my own. I never had the ticking "biological clock" that so many women talk about. I figure if it hasn't started tickin' by now (27 yrs old), it's not gonna. I am very motherly (DH says too much), but I just don't care if I have kids or not. Plus, I like the idea of a parent being home and I am very career driven...so....I'd rather it not be me. DH (who's 40) refuses to have kids of his own (biologically). In fact, he had a vasectomy a year after we started dating (we discussed it together first, of course). He also likes kids and is very good with kids (he's the type that if babies see him, they are all over him and he'll play and keep 'em laughing). In fact, his nieces (now adults) are all about their "Uncle David" to the point that their friend's know about him!

But...we just don't feel the need to have them. Nowadays, most families don't need kids to help run the farm and our community is plenty populated, so that only leaves the desire to have children (which goes back to the tickin' clock). Maybe the tickin' clock is genetic, as my mom didn't want kids either. My brother and I were not planned (of course, she wouldn't trade us for nothin', but that doesn't change her pre-kids point-of-view). Maybe it is environmental as well, since my mom was a career woman (she did not stay home) or that all the women on my mom's side has complications at some point that to hysterectomies due to issues related to pregnancies. DH and I figure that by trading in child rearing, we will be the ones to take care of our parents rather than our siblings (who have, or will have, kids).

However...on that note, DH and I are not oppose to adoption. While kids are not in our future plans, and neither of us want to shell out 10s of thousands of dollars for adoption, should an opportunity present itself either via another family member or a coworker with a pregnant teen, etc, we would consider it.

I don't have the desire to have children, but I can not imagine life without my animals...maybe my "clock" is just broken.

 

[debilorrah]

Shelby go read my post about the baby. You two made really solid decision together and that is what counts when it comes to kids.I wont share here why my pregnancy made me NEED to have Brandon, but it was God's will. I will leave at that. If curiosity kills you, PM me.

 

[elijahboy]

I will say this. As the old folks will tell you if you question it you know the answer. If he does not want kids then that not a good idea. He might never be a father to a kid you may have and thats not something you want to explore. Do you want to be a single mother. However he may be a great father but you wont know till the last minute. I will say you need to make yourself happy if that includes leaving him and finding a new love. Again, if you have to ask the question then you already know the answer.
I always wanted a boy. I ended up with 2 boys and a girl AND SINGLE. It is a hard road when you are single. But SOMETIMES it is a joy. If you want kids then you need to follow that even if it means leaving him in the past.

 

[debilorrah]

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True words there. My ex and I split up when my son was just 4. I stayed single and not dating for his benefit until he was 17 years old. It made all the difference in the world, not introducing man after man til I found the right one. And I DID find the right one.

 

[BarkerChickens]

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I have! (I already commented on it!

). THAT is a good reason why we don't have kids of our own, but feel if the opportunity arises, we will adopt. Adoption isn't for everyone (nor is having children, period). If we are both ok with the idea of possibly adopting, why not give a child a good home.

We figure if it is meant to be, it'll happen....if not, then it is so we can direct our energy elsewhere.

 

[elijahboy]

NO KIDDING!!! I have 3 maybe if I had known better I would have stopped at 1. They are so fricking noisy. Especially the boys.


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[elijahboy]

GIRL lucky you mine are 9,5,3 and dont even bother dating not to mention how much it could cost for babsitting just to go out on a date. Hey dude if you wanna take me out how about pay for the babysitter too. Hopefully I will find that right one in 10 years.

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True words there. My ex and I split up when my son was just 4. I stayed single and not dating for his benefit until he was 17 years old. It made all the difference in the world, not introducing man after man til I found the right one. And I DID find the right one.

 

[WriterofWords]

I was told my entire life I could never have children, I never had the urge to hold babies, I didn't babysit or do anything like that. When I was in the middle of my divorce I found out I was 4 months pregnant. At first I was shocked because of being told I couldn't have kids, then I was told I probably wouldn't carry the baby anyway because I have a rigid uterus and they suggested I terminate right away. I thought about it, but then I decided if I got pregnant it was for a reason and I should try it so I did and I have a wonderful son. My best friend growing up wanted a ton of kids and was denied that and couldn't have them, she adopted just a few years ago.
If you are undecided and he knows for sure he doesn't want them, it's not going to work in the long run. There will always be the chance that you decide you want them and that kind of resentment doesn't go away. You said you've had 4 years of rocky road all ready? It's not going to get smoother if this is the issue you are looking at. Step back, ask yourself if the strife you've been through already with him is worth it and is it worth going forward knowing that you have such differing views already. You aren't going to change each other, and you shouldn't try to.

 

[elijahboy]

I will tell you I was also told that I could not have my own children after losing my first child to an incompetent cervix (5 months pregant). I had to hold that child while he took his last breath. That was painful. After that the fact that I couldnt have any did not bother me cause I was eh ok about having children (20 years old). It was not something that I cared about at the time. I have been pregnant 6 times since and thankful that I only have 3. When the time is right for you then thats when it is your time. The two of you have been together this long then it hasnt been your time and that maybe a clue. A child (chldren) is given to you like a Christmas present that you werent expecting and you didnt peek into when your parents were out of the house. When the universe (someone) thinks the time is right you will have that child or children.

 

[squeakyballs]

Did you always want kids?
I didn't want kids, ever. Not in a million years! I don't know why, I just hated them. I had never been around them, and my mom had always raised us with a "don't you ever get pregnant, ever" attitude. I wanted to be able to do things like travel. My husband-to-be had the same attitude. He felt that we are in such a horrible world, that it would be cruel to bring new life into it.

Did you discover after being married/committed that you wanted kids? Or is it something that developed with the marriage/relationship?
Not at all... we had been dating for 5 years, lived in different cities, and were both about to graduate from college when I found out I was pregnant. We actually went to Planned Parenthood and asked them what we were supposed to do. They basically kicked us out.

I spent a lot of time worrying about what kind of parent I would be. I had never even held a baby. During my third trimester I watched a lot of youtube videos on things like "How to Change a Diaper" I also spent a lot of time crying about what I had gotten myself into, and feeling ashamed. It is kind of funny now, I was 25 and felt like a pregnant 15 year old.

There is a happy ending though! Once I had the baby, I was in love.

I've never been happier. I really think it is the best thing that has ever happened to me. It has made me a better person in so many ways, and I really love my life (even if we don't get to travel). I really love being a mom. Who would have guessed?

My husband is happy too, although probably more stressed out than he has ever been. Microbiology majors become very stressed out parents. There are germs everywhere! Aside from that, he is a great dad