Did you always know you wanted kids?

[MagsC]

I always wanted kids(I had six siblings and numerous cousins,it was great growing up and I wanted that for mine too.) and stated from an early age, I would have 5 or 6....I had my first child at 19 and four more followed in fairly quick succession. I would have actually had more but had miscarriages and also lost a little boy at 7 months pregnant and twin girls at 5 months pregnant.
My siblings always teased me about taking after my grandmother who had thirteen children.

I DONT regret my children, but there were times I wished I had waited a bit.
Now, with the last one home at 17, I am back to being glad I had them earlier,lol.

 

[australorpchick]

I didn't want any kids and I wasn't going to get married until I was in my 30's. I got married and had twins at 19. God has a really weird sense of humor, but he knows what he's doing. I love my life and wouldn't change it if I could.

 

[Chicken Chaperone]

This topic is fascinating to me and I'm so proud of you for asking these questions and looking for input as you get ready to make these kinds
of decisions!
I wish I had asked more of these kinds of questions of DH #1 BEFORE marriage! He and I always both knew we wanted kids but in the course of a conversation
about a friend of ours 'coming out' he said that if a child of his ever came to him and said that they were gay he couldn't love them anymore. Talk about a deal breaker!
Thank heavens he said it before we had kids together!
Fast forward 10 years to DH#2. Finally I knew to ask questions like that in addition to the ones you're asking...
We tried and tried to have a kiddo and after 4 pregnancy losses one finally stuck! Yay! I was 37 when I had my son and I am so glad I waited that long even with the losses.
I had time to grow up, to travel, to finish my education and to sort out that I was ready to always put my child and his needs above my own. My son is the most wonderful
gift and blessing! I'm so grateful to have him- he is the best thing in my life! (sorry Henrietta, the chicken,.. you're a distant 3rd or 4th...)

So I guess the moral of my story is ask ask ask!! Ask the questions, of yourself, of your SO, of your peers, family and friends and really listen to those answers. It's so wildly important!!
Kudos to you for doing that and for examining your heart in this way!! Bravisimo!!

 

[rodriguezpoultry]

I'm younger than you are by about 4 years, but maybe what I write will help?


I wanted children once upon a time. When I was in my teens I wanted twins. Then the realization hit that I could possibly have twins (thanks to both sides of the family...). All of a sudden, I didn't want children at all. The thought of them screaming in the middle of the night, puking, pooping, goo coming out of all orifices. Just not something I wanted to do.

I don't have kids, but as I was watching a mom with her newborn, I actually became jealous. Scared the poop out of me. She was utterly in love with her child. There was no hatred, not remorse...nothing but unconditional love. Did she know what the future held? No. But she loved that child enough to go through it.

Then I thought of my boyfriend of 5 years. He wants children. I grew up with a brother that I'd rather not see more than once a year when he gets in his moods. My boyfriend and his brother are like best friends. It's a huge switch. I mean...what if my children hate each other or dislike each other like my brother and I? But what if they would be the best of friends? Then I realized, I didn't care. If I wanted children, I would want it to be with my boyfriend. He is so caring, sweet and loving that his children would possess some of those qualities.

I'm not sure if I'll have kids, but these new feelings are weird. I'm not liking this "change" that's happening. Who knows though? This could be a sign of me growing up. I work in retail and see parents with their kids and think "I'd never let my child do that." Then realize that I just thought how I would deal with the issue, when I used to think "Just give them what they want and shush them up!"

 

[Countrywife]

Yes, I always wanted kids. Now they are teenagers and for sale. Buy one get one free.

Seriously, I went down a windy road to have the children I have, but for the Grace of God they would not exist. Won't spill my story here, but do know they are the single greatest thing that ever happened in my life.

In the same token, I admire and applaud anyone who KNOWS they are not cut out for parenthood and stays childless. Takes a lot of guts in this society to choose not to have children.

Final point- if you do not agree on this, and its been a "rocky 4 years" its maybe time to move on. Making a compromise of this magnitude for any other person is generally not a good idea.

 

[Nupine]

I wasn't going to post, but I guess I will.

I am in highschool, btw. I never wanted kids until maybe a year or so ago. I still am not really sure, but maybe. No offense to anyone pregnant out there, but the whole pregnancy thing doesn't really interest me. lol I just can't imagine and it sort of grosses me out. My sister had her second child a year ago, and she was also overweight and had lots of stretch marks, and let her belly hang out when she was pregnant, and it grossed me out. I never touched her belly either.

Gross, and it was worse since she would get offended and say a pregnant belly is the most beautiful thing in the world.

If my life plans out exactly how I want it [which that hardly ever happens] I would want to get married [if it is the right guy, of course] at around 18-20, maybe even engaged at 17. I don't know why, but that is always what I have hoped for. Then start my career as a vet tech. I really don't want to have kids until at least 30, maybe later. I want to enjoy my life without kids for a while. As I said, the whole pregnancy thing grosses me out, so I was really thinking adoption. I was adopted at 12 hours old to the most wonderful parents in the world. I don't think I could have gotten better parents. So that really interests me to do the same, and I could also avoid being pregnant. I like kids, I really do. I am not a huge baby person, I find them a little boring, and not into the whole diaper, bottles, puke, spit-up, crying, etc. thing. I have a 4 year old nephew, and I really like that age better. More fun. He likes to ride our donkey, and hike in the woods, etc. Stuff I like to do. So adopting a couple 4-6 year olds when I am in my 30's with my husband of 10-12 years or so sounds like what I want.

Ashlyn

 

[Bec]

I knew I wanted kids from a very early age and never saw my future without them. My husband wanted kids but had plans for the far future. I had my first at the young age of 20 with my husband and we had our second when I was 23.

My only advice is, make sure that you make it clear that kids are something that you want (if that is what you want). My BIL married a woman (very nice girl) who already had a son. He was fine with that and when he mentioned maybe having some of their own, she said maybe. They got married in 04'. They never had any together. Here they are 6 years later, they are in the process of a divorce (non-related to children) and his number 1 regret is not having any children of his own. She is 38 with a 16 year old (very understandable why she doesn't want another) and he is 36 with no biological children of his own. That is one of the hardest things he is dealing with right now.

 

[Buff Hooligans]

Cluckin'Along :

he wants nothing to do with kids. (major 4yr rocky road to this point)

I am 48 and have never wanted nor had children. And I have never once regretted it.
I knew from an early age (as did your husband possibly), that I would not make a good parent,
and I still believe that to be true.

Do NOT try to "convince" your S.O. If his true desire is to not have kids, you'll be divorced before you can change the first diaper.

Even if he stays, your relationship will only get rockier than it is now. Children are an INCREDIBLE stress on a marriage.​

 

[Whispering Winds]

I always said I didn't want kids when I was younger, but the ignorance of youth is not to be competed with IMHO. Had our first daughter the first year we were married, and had four more the next few years. Twins were in there too. I was never a patient person, and being a parent made me much more patient. I wasn't tolerate though, and that hurts me . . .wish I had been a little more firm in some areas and not so rigid in others. . .I truly believe though that if you really feel in your hearts of hearts that you don't want children, then don't have one "just to see". If your SO has no desire, then don't have one to try to change his mind either, because it won't work. There is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting children. They smell, they have goo coming out all ends and they cost the earth. BUT, one smile from that toothless little bald headed wonder and you will never be the same. . .in most cases. I think, really your relationship is what the problem is, and its what is not worth keeping. If you have had that many years of rocky relationship, then its not gonna get better. Trust me on that.

 

[agnes_day]

Quote:
Children are an INCREDIBLE stress on a marriage.

this is VERY true..not saying that you or anyone else would, but i think that it would be horribly cruel and deceptive to "oops" someone into having a child that they never wanted, and its not fair for the child either. i know my husband and i have had our biggest arguements over our children, so i cant even imagine how it would be if one of us didnt really want children.