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[Lucky Lemon]

Yes, did you know it is crazy how long it has taken me to get caught up?

 

[kajira]

Hey Benny,
I know you Iike to give people advise, well here are some of my thoughts re teenagers (having just "done" 3 of them and two of them girls, and vividly rembering -with sadness - my own relationship with my father).

Teenagers actually listen to their parents far more than they let on, but having spent 12 years being told what to do, they like to be asked their opinion, especially when it relates to them. The older they get the truer this is.

Parents carry on as if their teens are still kids and all dissent is seen as stupidity (especially authoritarian parents, who enjoy being in charge), not on purpose though.

Parents are slow to believe that their kids have equally valid thought processes. Especially fathers do not like thinking that their little girls are growing up, and that they may be loosing total control or influence over them.

This lack of respect for the teens' opinion leads to resentment and push back, which is tragic at such an important time in their lives, and leads to the teen desperate to leave home at 18 to get away from overbearing parents.

I tried not to repeat my fathers mistakes (though DH took some persuading), and this has resulted in relatively little strife and college kids who can't wait to come home at any opportunity.

It doesn't start at 13 for girls, it started at 6, for our oldest daughter!!!

We probably allow her to much control, she doesn't like being told no. ^.^

 

[Phage]

Quote:
lol
It may seem like that but I think the thought processes of a six year old are quite different to a 13 year old.
At six they are still testing YOU and will go as far as they can while you let them.

As Benny said we don't give carte blanch to them to do as they please, just respect their opinions.

Ultimately as parents we need to do what we consider best for them, and especially so when they really are still kids.

 

[kajira]

lol
It may seem like that but I think the thought processes of a six year old are quite different to a 13 year old.
At six they are still testing YOU and will go as far as they can while you let them.

As Benny said we don't give carte blanch to them to do as they please, just respect their opinions.

Ultimately as parents we need to do what we consider best for them, and especially so when they really are still kids.

Oh, I know - I do let my kids be fairly wild, but we do talk alot about social behaviors, why certain things get reactions the way they do.

Being autistic, no one ever "Explained" that kind of stuff to me, and people take for granted that kids just know social graces as they age.... not everyone does! LOL So, we talk alot about boundaries, and how to be a good friend and a good brother/sister/daughter/son, etc.

My daughter takes being "good" very seriously. LOL if you tell her she's bad, she bawls her little eyes out. ^.^

 

[BullChick]

As Dr. Dobson says, there is nothing wrong with no meaning no. No alternatives. "Instead of hitting me, why don't you bang on the drums?" has replaced, "stop hitting me." We are parents. Not friends. Don't tell your child they are ugly. Do tell them they need to change their hair style. Stupid is stupid. Ignorant is, "I don't know". Stupid is, "I don't care!" If your 10-year-old sticks a key in a socket, be sure they are alive. Then feel free to call them stupid!

 

[kajira]

As Dr. Dobson says, there is nothing wrong with no meaning no. No alternatives. "Instead of hitting me, why don't you bang on the drums?" has replaced, "stop hitting me." We are parents. Not friends. Don't tell your child they are ugly. Do tell them they need to change their hair style.

Stupid is stupid. Ignorant is, "I don't know". Stupid is, "I don't care!" If your 10-year-old sticks a key in a socket, be sure they are alive. Then feel free to call them stupid!

My son has an ugly hairstyle. His dad flat out told him it was ugly, and he wanted to cut it off.... my son has refused to let him cut it, to bug his dad with his "ugly" hair. LOL

Ugly is not a bad word, either. LOL

 

[BullChick]

I was forced to cut my hair short, and wear what I was told. I had parents. I had boundaries. I knew the rules. I knew the punishment.

 

[kajira]

I was forced to cut my hair short, and wear what I was told. I had parents. I had boundaries. I knew the rules. I knew the punishment.

My grandma traumatized me once, by cutting my waist length hair off, to a butch-man hairstyle, and I got tortured at school for being a "dyke" because of her.

I promised myself I'd never do that to my kids. It's their body, their hair. I let them have a lot of personal say over their own clothes/style/hair. LOL

I let my daughter put purple dye in her hair, and I let my son bleach his hair when he asked if he could try it. Neither have asked again. LOL

 

[BullChick]

I cut my own hair because I will not allow today's "stylists" near me. Moms need to look like moms. Hair should not be dyed anything but the natural color to cover grey. Two holes in your ear max. This is from a biker's perspective. I don't "do" freaky". Not for kids either.
Duckling won't wear make-up in this house.

 

[kajira]

I cut my own hair because I will not allow today's "stylists" near me. Moms need to look like moms. Hair should not be dyed anything but the natural color to cover grey. Two holes in your ear max. This is from a biker's perspective. I don't "do" freaky". Not for kids either.
Duckling won't wear make-up in this house.

My grandma didn't let me get my ears peirced till 13, so after I got them peirced, I promplty peirced my own ears with a second set, then I got a tongue and belly peircing. hahah

I don't have them anymore.

My 6 year old daughter loves makeup and nail polish, she's allowed to wear both, with in reason. (it's usually JUST eye shadow, and pink lipstick. haha)

I have hot pink hair, and I fking rock it! LOL I didn't dye my hair a freaky color, until I was 30!

I have tattoo's and want more, too.