I'm riding the old guy
There's only so much he can do, but he's a lot more enjoyable and willing, and doesn't take advantage of me. I still get a knot in my stomach before I get on, but it goes away and my heart rate returns to normal after 10 minutes or so! He did run off with me the other day, but it was pretty dumb to try and ride out alone at feeding time. I can't take him to gather cattle though, because of his breathing issues.
My husband's idea of a gentle horse and mine are two quite different things. If it doesn't buck, rear or bolt, he thinks it's gentle. My kind of gentle horse would ignore a firework going off beside it. I grew up riding English and never had any of the fear issues I have now. I guess you'd need a quieter horse to stay in that tiny saddle! I am afraid of any kind of unpredictable movement, like spooking or fidgeting. I don't get nearly as scared if I have something else to focus on such as penning or sorting cattle. If it's just me and a horse in a pen, or on a trail, i've usually pinpointed anything within a 5 mile radius that might spook them. When i'm on a horse any assertiveness I had on the ground disappears, and the vast majority of them take advantage of that. If it wasn't for Curly i'd probably have lost my love for all horses.
My husband and I agreed that him teaching me isn't going to work. His father was helping me ride Lucy, but I had to get off because I was just too afraid. He lent me his trusty horse that I do get along with until Curly came along.
The idea (after we realised the mare was going to be difficult) was that my husband would work with her while I rode Curly, until Lucy and I were to the point where we might get along. He's increasingly tired of fighting her with little progress though, and has four ranch colts to ride. Its gone from me not wanting to get on her to him not wanting to either, and not wanting me to ride her.
I guess the biggest issue is that I don't have to ride her. My husband sometimes has ranch horses that he doesn't enjoy, but he gets paid to ride them. I just want to ride for fun, and feeling nauseous at the thought of even getting on a horse isn't enjoyable. To a point I can pick and choose, so I may as well pick a good one.
I think I may have a plan. There is a lady who trains horses and also gives lessons about 120 miles away (close for us!). She specialises in helping fearful riders, and also sells horses. Maybe I need to get Lucy sold, take some lessons with her, and see if she can find me the right one. I guess I could possibly take lessons on her sale horses, rather than basing everything on one viewing. It's just too hard to get a good feel for a horse, especially a moody one, in an hour or two. Unfortunately we are so far from anywhere it gets expensive travelling to look at individual horses. That also played a part in us getting Lucy; we couldn't afford to take anymore 200 mile trips to look at horses, and my husband felt she was the best we'd seen. It's hit me that what a horse will do for one person it may well never do for me. I need to find one that I can get something out of.
