Do I have the right to be jealous?

[sheila3935]

I know what you are going through. My oldest DD just turned 30. Last year she had to have a hysterectomy because of fibroid tumors. She doesnt have any children and now cant. She would make a great mom, but unless in the future they can adopt that wont happen. She has really bad days with it, knowing that all of her friends are either pregnant or have children, some that shouldnt. If any medical reason is ruled out then it may be stress from trying. Try to relax. I know several people that have had a hard time getting pregnant then when they all but gave up they got pregnant. It was the stress that was preventing it. As for your husband some times men say things without thinking or the wrong way. Men are suppose to be tough and not let things like that bother them but it does and they dont know how to communicate their feelings about it. Calmly talk to him about your feelings and the things he wrote that bothered you. As for your SIL she has a long road ahead of her and from what you say wont be easy. I never have figured out why people that have no business having children can pop them out like popcorn but people who really want and will totally love and care for them have a hard time. May God give you peace and I'm praying for you.

 

[feather and mountain man]

Wow you poor dear girl.

I understand your pain and yes you have the right to feel any of the feelings you are feeling.

Maybe not the right to lash out but lets not dwell on that everyone has moments when the can't hold it in.
Maybe if you take the time to explain to SIL how you are feeling it would be a good damage control.

For about 3yrs when I was younge my first DH and I could not get pregnant and I was so frustrated and didn't understand why my worthless sister could get pregnant so easily and abandon and not take care of her kids. Yet I could not get pregnant.
Then one day I got a call and it all ended with me having to raise my nephew who had FAS ADHD and so many other issues however he was a joy to me. I knew at that point the GOD did always have a plan because I would not have been able to care for my nephew the way he needed if I had a baby of my own and my nephew would have ended up in the foster care system and most likely addopted out of the family because my sister is worthless.

So hang in there you just never know what life will bring!

 

[Chic-n-farmer]

Your husband was out of line. Maybe he's hurting and he voiced it in a thoughtless joke at your expense... i don't know. I do know that people say horribly mean, insensitive things to those of us who struggle to have children.

It may not be 'right', the feelings of jealousy you are having, but it is pretty normal in your situation. I know. I carried my first and third sons to full term, only to have them stillborn.

I had 12 years of watching others effortlessly have children before my second son was born, healthy, a miracle as the cord was wrapped twice around his neck. But even after I had him, news of someone's pregnancy just dredged up all those horrible memories of what had happened with my first child.

16 years after my first son died, and 4 after my second boy was born, another son died. After that I didn't want to try again, but we did. This time I was treated as a high-risk pregnancy and I was at the doctor 4-5 times a week. I was hospitilized twice for observation, after it was discovered that the baby's cord was wrapped around her neck. The second time I was there a week as the doctors found that the baby was undersized and at risk. I spent that week praying and learning what to expect with a premature baby.

My doctor came in on the 7th day and told me he wanted my baby delivered immediately. That he didn't feel she was safe for another hour. I had an emergency C-section and my daughter was born, alive and well.... and almost 5 and 1/2 pounds!! An answer to prayer, she had only jaundice.

So here I am with two wonderful children and I still have those unsettling feelings. I don't know if it's jealousy, really. But there is pain.
I see others having children, one after another, with no complications, going along as if nothing could ever go wrong. As if every pregnancy ends with a healthy baby... and why didn't it for me?

I'm sorry you are hurting. You can't help the feelings you are having so please, do not beat yourself up over them. Talk to your husband and tell him how his remark made you feel. If he can't understand that, I don't know what to say... I pray for you to have peace and comfort, and the children you yearn for.

 

[FourPawz]

Well, she was on her Laptop and Kevin on ours, I wanted to post something in reply to the post and Kevin wouldn't get off ours to let me, so I went into the living room to borrow Shanna's computer and asked if I could see it for a second, she snapped with a hateful 'no' and I casually told her to go blank herself.

As an observer here, your sister-in-law may be putting up a wall, but I would bet money down deep she's probably scared out of her mind right now. If you possibly can, try and be understanding with her. I understand your position, really I do (there's a reason I have an only child and I'm beyond thankful we have the one).

Your husband doesn't understand your feelings and may think you're being unreasonable, but if you can, try and have an unemotional talk with him privately explain your feelings. You also need to get him to go get tested to see why the infertility is plaguing you guys.

Who knows what the future will hold. You could very well end up raising a niece or nephew in the future and my hope is, your own child/children.

All the best to you!​

 

[Sissy]

Only a numbskull.
smokes when pregnant.

hubby was out of line.
with his words.and If it were me
I would let him know in short order.
what was he thinking he may
be hurting too.
and may you both get your wish soon.
God Bless

 

[krcote]

Yet another story about how FB brings out the worst in everybody. Do yourself a favor, delete your account. I did 3 years ago. It is one of the best things I have ever done for myself.

 

[dkvart1]

As the others said, you have a right to feel the way you do under the circumstances. Don't be hard on yourself for your reaction, we all have our less than shinning moments.

My youngest daughter and her husband tried for years to have a child, with no success. A year or two after they quit focusing on it and worrying about it she became pregnant and were blessed with an absolutely adorable baby boy. He's now 4 and she just found out a month ago she's having another... they had decided they weren't going to have another, she was good with one! Funny how those things work out. Sometimes I think the stress of focusing so much on getting pregnant is a major reason why people have trouble conceiving, stress is stress and plays havoc with the body.

I know it's hard, but maybe taking the focus off getting pregnant for awhile will turn things around. My best wishes for you.

 

[greeneggsandham]

One question why is she living with you and your husband? I would tell her to get up off her butt and get a job so she can support herself and her child. I
t was insensitve of your husband to put something like that on FB and I would have swatted him with a fry pan for it.

 

[wegotchickens]

Quote:
X2

 

[MrsFordTN]

Thanks to Everyone.

Me and DH talked and as soon as we buy the new house, Shanna will not be staying with us anymore, it just causes problems. We did talk about my concerns about us, and he is (or at least appears) not concerned at all about us having a baby. We have been to doctors before and yet they can't seem to pin point any problems with our concerns about getting pregnant. I know he is sorry about what was said, is a very private person about emotions, thus we really need to set down a really talk about everything. As far as talking about Shanna, he really doesn't care, he tells me it's none of my business and she is messing up her life not ours.

As far as our problems, she has so many right now. The father of the baby hates her, denies the baby, and won't even talk to her. She said she was getting, but her first pregnancy test was a week ago and well, she hasn't even slowed down. Even at the doctors yesterday they explained all the risks and deformaties that smoking while pregnant can cause, she smoked on the way home. I took her pack away from her, but we stopped at the animals shelter on the way home (a bad habit of mine) and she got them from under my driver seat. Now, she did switch to lights, thinking that will help, but umm smoking is smoking in my opinion. She can't hold a job, is boy crazy still, and just started going back to school (and I know that won't last too long). I have no worries about who will be raising the baby, my MIL/FIL and the state. She can't even remember or care to feed her 2 dogs on time, I have been feeding her 2 rabbits now for a month (she has fed them twice since we got them for her) and she forgets she has a cat at all! I mean I am stressed, but things could be a lot worse. I know when we do have a baby we will have a loving home with two parents that have jobs and a stable enviroment to bring it home too. Plus my 'baby daddy' will actually want something to do with me and our baby.