Do you ever feel like you are about to break into a million pieces? Yea thats me

[HeatherLynn]

I am just not sure how much more I can take right now. I say that to my husband and I get the automatic comment that I am stronger than I think. Yea buddy, just wait till he gets to pick up the million pieces. Its killing my health and the doctors comment that I should try to relax makes me want to strangle her. Man why didn't I think of that myself, I should just relax. Duh I will just flip my stress switch to off and its all fixed. YAY problem solved. You would think if you have been seeing someone for a year and you know they have panic attacks on a regular basis that "just try to relax" is not going to cut it.

The kids are forever fighting and I am with them 24/7. I get maybe 5 hours sleep each night. I'm responsible for the kids, finances, housework, homeschooling, and animals. My parents are just trying to kill themselves I swear. If one is not falling, the other decides to take down a huge tree on his own and lets the dang thing drop on top of him. Me and my husband are forever running to an injured parent and lord help me if I even suggest that maybe they could leave some things for us to do. Yea right, no we are going to be hardheaded and wake up at 4 am just so we can do something we shouldn't be doing so we can hurt ourselves. Then on top of that lets then refuse to go to the ER and tell our daughter to kiss our ?. Then lets tell our other kids we hurt ourselves so they can then call our daughter ( the only one with little kids) and complain because I did not force our parents to go to the ER. GAH Yea I want to see one of them try to force them. Good luck. Even resorting to tears and bribery doesn't work. Not that one of the siblings is ever around to help but they are good at guilt trips. I already know i have to face my parents mortality and probably sooner than I can deal with but seriously do they have to try to speed up the process with silly stuff. I sit up a night fretting and they just laugh.

I have chest pains, aching muscles, heck even sharp breast pain which I was told was from stress. I gain weight, I can't sleep, I can't breathe at times. I keep getting sick. Everything upsets my stomach. But we are just going to keep telling me how strong I am. People when I scream I am about to implode and shatter I really mean it. Stop tell me how strong I am. I swear in protest I am about to lock myself in a closet with my fancy tea I never have time for and chocolate and I won't come back out till I feel better.

Sorry I am dumping this on you guys but I gotta let it out at times and you all never tell me I am stronger than I think and to suck it up. Maybe its time to take a break and go to a swap meet or something. ALONE !!!

 

[redhen]

Oh Heather...

 

[redhen]

You really..really need some down time. Not sure how you can get it though..

 

[Frogdogtimestwo]

I feel like I can relate, I consider myself a single parent with benefits (really I am married but I am 100% responsible for all household decisions, indecision, and otherwise)

How are you being true to yourself and the children you bore continuing the path you are on?

When I was honest with myself about that statement, I had to let go of a lot of animals, cares, including sending the kids back to public school, responsibility and let the slack fall where it may, because I did not want to become bitter or die of a heart attack because I felt I should be able to handle everything.

I hope things lighten up soon for you

~FD

 

[MamaRoo]

You might want to consider food intolerances. Try cutting out gluten, soy, and casein (dairy) and see if that helps your physical symptoms. You could always post questions here: http://www.celiac.com/gluten-free/

 

[RHRanch]

I feel like I can relate, I consider myself a single parent with benefits (really I am married but I am 100% responsible for all household decisions, indecision, and otherwise)

How are you being true to yourself and the children you bore continuing the path you are on?

When I was honest with myself about that statement, I had to let go of a lot of animals, cares, including sending the kids back to public school, responsibility and let the slack fall where it may, because I did not want to become bitter or die of a heart attack because I felt I should be able to handle everything.

I hope things lighten up soon for you

~FD

This X2 - You can't do it all, and you shouldn't expect yourself to.

 

[Carols Clucks]

I hope you take this the right way,

But I have read your posts for a long time and know you have been frustrated on many fronts for a long time.

Rather than continue to try and be superwoman and end up feeling stressed, angry or like a failure, look to lighten your load.

I know you want to home school, but being stuck with the fighting kids 24/7 is not seeming to be good for you or the kids. Now is a good time to get them signed up for school. That will give you hours each day that you can regroup at home and be prepared when husband and kids return.

I know you are also a care giver for parents, why not tell them you are available on certain days for errands etc, and then stick to your guns and don't be available on your off days. A burnt out person can not be a good caregiver.

I know it helps to come here and rant, but you are the one in control of how you handle the stress load. And sounds like you need to shift some stress and responsibility off on others. And no they might not do it the way you want things done, but let them own that and not you.

 

[HeatherLynn]

Carols I don't take it wrong. I have myself in a pickle. i made this mess and I know it. I picked up the slack years ago because it needed to be and now even if I let things drop no one else jumps in. Most of that deals with my parents but thats a huge HUGE part of the stress. I love my parents and I would do anything and I try to but with the kids and the farm. Its a lot but there is no one else to turn to. My siblings are only interested in inheritance. They come and take pictures of what they wan t and so they can have the house valued but little else. My sister does some but honestly I am just glad when she is taking care of herself. I am the youngest by 13 years so there is a huge age gap. I guess they figure I am young enough to take care of it all or they don't give a crap. its one of those. To give her credit my sister does offer but she forgets things like meals, medicine and bills. Ummm those are a tad important. As is I found out my dad stopped taking cancer prevention and prostate drugs which is why he is in massive pain. He is also depressed because since he stopped taking the pills he thinks he is dying. He hides all this. The pills are ordered and picked up and he just stops taking them and hides the bloody things. On top of that this weekend he was on a trip with my mom to the smokies and was in such pain he had to get away from everyone. He ended up tumbling down a rocky embankment. Trip to the ER. Nope nope nope. Doctors to check on the pain and the pill issue. Heck no. i am going to lose my parents sooner than I can cope with because they refuse to take care of themselves. i sit up at night and worry about that and they still just laugh it off.

I can't drop the homeschool. It really is the only way we can get all the kids needs met. They are super smart but there are issues. One of which is I refuse to treat hyperactivity with drugs. I treat it with trampolines and running. I am hyper and it never held me back, granted my parents would never have accepted it as an excuse either. After this mini breakdown though I did take a step to get my 4 year old in public preschool next year and sent an email to a homeschool group that runs co op classes. Small step toward some sanity.

This really is the one place I can rant. I am sorry I have dumped on you guys so much and I know you can't fix a thing. Granted you don't demand anything but encouragement or prayers every so often. I love the family and man do they have so much faith in me but they do not listen and boy do they demand. I held everything and everyone together for so dang long now though they think I can never fail. They won't believe it till i actually have a breakdown. I plan on avoiding that one.

I did take the step of going on a gluten free diet. I plan on doing it as a detox and then just doing a low gluten diet. It was suggested as a possible help for the various health issues I have. All minor but it slows me down. I was told if no improvement in 2 weeks then no harm done and I might be a few pounds lighter. I am hoping it will help. I also splurged on some sam-E. Told the hubby I am planning a vacation too. I think its time. I can take one in between parental accidents. I am off to bed now though. The kids are asleep and finally looking like angels. The chickens are tucked in and the chicks are all snuggled up. Time for me to do the same.

 

[Carols Clucks]

Heather, I know there are issues with the kids, but you need a break.

I have an adhd son, no one forces meds on you, more they look at you like a junkie if you ask about them. Yes it is frustrating dealing with some teachers, but in the long run...you need a break so you can be refreshed to deal with your child. AND your child needs to learn to deal with a world that mom is not in charge of. It is hard! Will not lie to you there. I have been there and done that. And thankfully my son did well in college this semester!!! Of course he is taking only classes that interest him, but still probably the best report card he ever got.

My parents were older when I was born, so I had teens and elderly parents too. Plus the things I volunteered for, plus a job and all as a single parent. No one gives you a plaque for being super women. You need time to get your self together and have a break. Going gluten free will not solve the underlying issues (not there there is a problem with going gluten free-go for it)

When life gets really ugly, I try and remember a couple of things...."like water off a duck" I let it roll right on by be and try not to get in to it. And some times you just have a take a deep breath and throw the stress to the wind. Let the wind carry it away.

I have no siblings, but if I did and they were busy taking pictures of what they want, I would ask in front of them and mom & dad if maybe it would be better if Mom and Dad gave it to them now. My aunt put peoples names on the items she wanted them to have, and started handing them out so she knew they went right where she wanted them to go. (Although I do have a cousin would would really like to have me give him a chunk of moms property and keeps dropping massive and obvious hints)

 

[MammasBabies]

I have 3 autistic children, pets and a husband....when kids were small I often thought I would shatter. I still get that feeling. Best thing I ever did was declare a "night off/out" once a week for 2 to 6 hours where I go to a friend's house/shopping/for a walk or what ever as long as no kids are involved. Does not remove parental concerns, but by "allowing" yourself time every week, whether you feel like you need it or not, you will be amazed how much that helps. Many good ideas in this thread, but as someone who has similar issues, I KNOW this will help you. Your husband may complain at first, but he will adjust. Remember...he gets home...you leave for off time. No fixing dinner first or anything...time for him to deal. To be fair, if he needs a break also, give him same courtesy. I resisted meds for a long time, but it is only thing that helps my oldest, she has severe anxiety on top of autism and it has made all the difference in her life. Everyone wanted me to put her in a "special home" before we got her on anxiety meds. Now she goes to public high school with an IEP. Ever feel need to talk, send me a message.