Edit book pls?

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Butterscotchbitesfinger said:
Meh this is one I just wrote for the hell of it not the one I am planning to give to the publisher
This is it:
Maya glared at the wall, her mother knocked on her door “you ready honey?” She asked. “To go to dads? No.” Maya snarled, “oh Maya darling” she sighed “I’m sorry, I know you don’t want to go but he asked to see you kids”. Maya didn’t say anything, “okay darling” her mother said quietly “I’m going to go now”. Maya grunted “I love you sweetie” she whispered at her daughter. There was a loud knock that echoed around the small room. Maya looked up, “Come in” she snapped “Maya?” Ambers small peeky face pocked around the door, “we have to go”. Maya groaned getting up off her bed and lifting the small duffel bag, Amber grabbed her bag and the two headed down the stairs, they heard a squeak, “Jane?” Amber looked around the corner 9 year old Jane was trying to push a overly large suitcase out her room. “Owwww” she moaned slouching against the wall, Amber smirked at Maya, “here Jane hold this” Maya sighed shoving the duffel bag at the youngest she dragged the bag out the door, “Goodness Jane, what did ya put in here?” She exclaimed. “Just some clothes... and um some makeup and Er oaky a heap of shoes” she sighed.
Click to expand...
Maya rolled her eyes and lifted the large suitcase. “Jane get the door for Maya” Amber snapped. Jane begrudgingly opened the door. Maya wobbled out, “Maya, wanna a hand?” Their dad walked over, his new wife (their stepmum) sat in the front passenger seat. “Hi Judy” Jane hopped in followed closely by Amber. “Sure” Maya spat thrusting the large suitcase at her dad. He lifted it with ease. Maya flung open the car door slamming it once she was in. “Hey kids” Judy smiled at them lacing her fingers through their dads fingers. Maya gagged, “uh Maya be nice” Amber snapped “your the oldest your supposed to be mature”. “I’m 12” Maya shot back.
 
Nats Chickens said:
more pls
Click to expand...
Okay
The car halted at the traffic lights. “Poor kids” Judy made a rude comment on her family “being reared by who they have”. Suddenly Maya couldn’t take this anymore she flung open her door unbuckling her seatbelt she leapt out the car. “MAYA. MAYA GET BACK IN THE CAR” her dad shouted “no” she replied. “Maya wait up” Amber and Jane we’re running after her. “We are going home” Jane said coldly. Amber nodded her agreement. It was summer so it wasn’t to cold. “What do black clouds mean?” Jane asked. Maya’s head snapped up “what?!” She looked alarmed, true to Janes word a large thunderstorm was brewing on the horizon. “Oh dear” Amber said looking a pasty colour. Big fat droplets started to rain down. “Here in here, we might ing I log we can sleep in” Maya grabbed Jane and ambers hands “Don’t loose sight of me” She shouts over the rumble of the thunder. Amber gives her a swift nod and follows her sister
 

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