Edit book pls?

[RustyBucketFarmGirl]

My 8 yr old sister would have no trouble reading this. It isn't going to be a thick book either, and it will have large print. Thanks for saying that though, I was worried it was to straight and basic!

To speak to the audience piece. I teach first grade and my students turn 7 during the school year. And some 8. I can attest to only 2 being able to read this. It seems like something that may interest them but as far as independent reading, it would likely be a little older. Haven’t read it all yet but thought i would mention it. Careful though! Not everyone is trust worthy with your words and someone could take them before you get a chance to use them for your intended purpose. Maybe post excerpts of areas that you feel need better flow.

I would hate to see you get burned!

 

[PollyGirl21]

Oh I didn't see this until now! But I am honored to be tagged here!
And wonderful job on your writing! You are a gifted author for sure.

Just a clarifying detail that you may want to put into your writing:

“But where are we? Who are you? Who was that great big ugly fellow? What is all this?”

Who is the great 'big ugly fellow' she is referring to?

 

[PollyGirl21]

Suddenly, as if by magic, which obviously, it was caused by, the beam began to shimmer, and the indignant face of the Wizard Gumwart appeared. “Do you mind?!” He grumbled.

I would mix up the wording a bit. Something like,
'Suddenly the beam began to shimmer. As if it was caused by magic, (which it obviously had been) the indignant face of the Wizard Gumwart appeared. "Do you mind?!" he grumbled'

 

[Nats Chickens]

Thank you for all the suggestions.
I am a fast writer, so hopefully I can get it to publishers via email within the next week or 2 [] Do you mind if I quote what you said to the word, @PollyGirl21? It is really good, your 'mixed up' bit.

 

[Nats Chickens]

BTW, when I am done, I am going to go through it and correct all the grammer and typos.

 

[PollyGirl21]

Thank you for all the suggestions.
I am a fast writer, so hopefully I can get it to publishers via email within the next week or 2 [] Do you mind if I quote what you said to the word, @PollyGirl21? It is really good, your 'mixed up' bit.

Quote away, word for word. Thats why I'm here!
Good luck with the publisher!

 

[Butterscotchbitesfinger]

BTW, when I am done, I am going to go through it and correct all the grammer and typos.

Okay glad to hear

 

[Nats Chickens]

Minta nodded as Cora explained the last details to her, she pulled her thick blue hair thoughtfully. “Just one thing, how do we convince Gumwart to let us out, after you yelled at him like that?” Cora grinned. We don’t have to. ‘summon me’ he said, first time we saw him, remember? While he shimmers into view, we can all jump to the beam, which he helpfully said was his front door, so we should, -fingers crossed- all end up wherever he is.” Minta looked slightly alarmed. “What if it is an unfriendly territory? Like Ashuka?” She gulped. Ashuka was the territory of the Nymphs, [Niads and Driads]. And they could be unfriendly to say in the least. Cora sighed, breaking Minta’s train of thought. “Well, lets do this; Zlyde! Come get us you fat ugly lump!” She hollered. Cora was not very good at cutting insults. She caught Minta off-guard. They were leaving now. Who knew what was on the other side of the door? Zlyde appeared in the doorway, looking very annoyed. But his expression changed immediately when Cora beckoned him into the room. They all held hands in a row, and then, “WIZARD GUMWART!” Cora shrieked. Zlyde felt his left eardrum pop and he flinched. The wizard began to shimmer into view. “Now!” Cora, Minta and Zlyde jumped towards the beam.

Nina and the others marched up to the front gate, and were let in. Lily let out a sigh of relief. Once they were in, they studied the map that had the convenience to be pinned to the wall in the first room. “Here.” Nina pointed to a hall labeled ‘Magic, mounts, prisoners, potions and weapons. Wands too.’ Lily studied the map. “We need to go left, right, double left right.” They then set off in the direction of the hall.

 

[Butterscotchbitesfinger]

Good job, really, there are a few places I would put more punctuation or where you’ve left out quotation marks but overall this will be a great story

 

[Nats Chickens]

Thanks!