(ex)-boyfriend problems, advice needed

[Mattemma]

He likes you and does not want to lose your friendship,but his actions are causing just that.Be open with each other and just give things a chance.
The attraction(physical) is so normal in the begining.You are saying one thing and your body is wanting you to do another.Almost like being drugged.Sometimes it is REALLY hard to control. Pretty obvious by the things he said.

Both of you need to give each other a pass and keep at it. I find being totally honest with other people to be the best option.Be open and THEN if things don't work out move on.Best wishes!

 

[schellie69]

Stay friends take things slow, you are both still young Being friends might be the best for now. You never know where this friend ship will take you. I am married to my best friend for 18 years now. Enjoy each other hang out get to really know each other do fun things together see where life takes you. Good luck.

 

[gg706]

I feel differently..... Something was said that made him think....NOT a good idea! Go back and think about the conversations that you had with him. My feeling is you are probably a very pretty girl physically which attracts the boys at first... but then after talking to you for awhile alot of red flags go off about your needyness and confidence, and what it might be like to be in a relationship with you. I still think you are behaving VERY needy and to guys that is a HUGE turnoff!
Contrary to what boys may say..... they love "the chase". Don't give in so easily. Leave a little mystery and don't dump all the garbage or puke out your mouth. Think about yourself and say would I want to date me??? It was something that was said... perhaps that you aren't into sex before marriage...which WILL run the dirt bags off.... that is a good thing! If that is it , let him go, cause your body is ALL he wanted! If you didn't tell him that, it is something else......

 

[77horses]

We were suppose to hangout one day (like the day before all this happened), and he said he would let me know that morning (of the day that we were suppose to hangout) whether he could make it or not. So the morning of that day came. I waited. And waited. And didn't contact him or anything to say something like "hey soo aren't we gonna hangout?" because I didn't want to seem needy. In fact, I really don't think I was that needy at all during the time that we got to know each other. I even purposely tried to avoid being needy. I think during the entire time we talked, I was the first one to text him maybe once or twice. Otherwise, it was always him who texted me first (and that wasn't a bad thing either, like it wasn't making him put in all the effort and me not trying). I wasn't needy about hanging out either; we both tried to make plans equally and if they fell through, I just said that it was fine and we could hangout some other time. I didn't make a big deal about it or anything. So I don't see how I was needy whatsoever. I made sure not to be needy, but also not to act like I was disinterested.
But anyways, he was suppose to let me know that morning if we could hangout. But I didn't hear from him at all, so I just waited it out and didn't react, until he texted me that night like he did just about every night. I didn't mention it at all because I was waiting to see if he would. All he did was mention that he was sick, and he said that that's why he wasn't able to hangout that day. But it bothered me because he hadn't even let me know whether he could or not and I saw that as a huge red flag of disinterest. Even if he was sick, he should've simply let me know, right? That's just common courtesy, whether you like the person or not, right? Even if I was just hanging out with one of my normal friends, if I was sick, I would just text them and say something like "hey I'm sick so I can't hangout today". That's just manners, isn't it?? So of course, I had to bring it up. Whether that showed insecurity or not, it bothered me and made no sense, so I just simply said that I understood if he was actually sick, but if he really didn't want to hangout then he could've just told me and I would get it. He said that he really had wanted to hangout, and he still did. But that still didn't explain why he hadn't let me know that morning that he couldn't make it. And then after that was when he said that he thought we should just be friends. And we had a whole discussion about it, and I said that it was his choice. And he said he had changed his mind and wanted to try it after all and wanted to ask me out in person the next time we hungout. And then the next day, he texted me and said he had changed his mind again and thought that we rushed it and that we should just be friends instead... That was the last time I updated you guys.
After that, we didn't talk for a day. I told you guys that I had thought about it and didn't want to lose him as a friend so I would see if we still could be friends, which is exactly what I did. I texted him and just started a normal, casual conversation, and then just asked if we could still be friends. And he said 'of course'. I apologized for rushing things and he said that it wasn't me, it was his fault, and he apologized for leading me on the way he did. And we talked for a little bit after that like normal (except no flirting anymore, just a casual, friendly conversation).
That was about a week ago, and we haven't talked since. I refuse to text him first though, because if he wanted to talk to me and was still at least a little interested, he would've contacted me by now or something. And I know that if I text him first, that will give him the advantage and make me seem needy. Like you said, guys like the chase. If he wants to chase me he will. If not, then oh well. I just refuse to chase after another guy who's showing clear signs of disinterest. I mean yeah I still like him, and I really miss having out funny late-night conversations because we could talk to each other about anything, and part of me is still hoping that if I don't contact him maybe he'll eventually wonder where I've been and maybe I'll hear from him. But I'm pretty sure he has a thing with another girl now, so oh well. As far as I'm concerned, I'm not getting my hopes up over him and I'm just trying to move on and forget about my chances of ever being anything more than a friend with him.

 

[chubbydog811]

Drama, drama, drama! lol....

Maybe you should just take your mind completely off guys for a while (other than being friends of course). Completely ignore anyone who makes a motion towards you. This is a good first step towards SHOWING you feel more confident about yourself, and less needy. Walk with your head up, no worries, and no interest. Everyone is a friend in your eyes. It takes time to get the "I don't need it" attitude, but you are more likely to find a respectable man who will be better for you.

Also, don't get your panties in a bunch if someone blows you off, especially when they were not definite plans yet. Hard learned life lesson there - don't wait for anyone who isn't worth it.
I have learned NEVER wait for anyone who says they are going to call you. Do things around the house so it's not a complete waste of day if they don't call, but you are still available if they do. Maybe you have chicken chores that need to be done? Cleaning coops, scrubbing buckets, ect. Things that can be easily dropped if they do by chance call to make plans.

 

[77horses]

ehh I know, I'm not a big fan of drama either, trust me.

But I know what you mean.

 

[dainerra]

the thing is - he didn't show any signs of disinterest. At least not in his mind. Not everyone thinks "oh I'm sick. I'll text and let her know" He thinks "oh if I don't text she will know I'm not coming" It's not because they are rude or they don't care. They just don't think of it that way.

I'm like you - I keep people updated. My husband? He just doesn't think of doing that. It's not that he doesn't care; he's just not wired that way. One of my daughters is like me, always letting you know what's going on. The other, she sometimes does but mostly doesn't.

It sounds like, in his eyes, you accused him of lying about being sick. "if he was actually sick" All the while he is probably thinking "WTH? I'm sick and get accused of blowing you off?"

In the end, I think that you are taking it all too seriously. If you are making a conscious effort to not say things that might be "clingy", I can almost guarantee that your body language is saying the opposite. We've all done it. You can look at someone and see them biting their tongue, right? there is also the fact that, eventually, all that pent up stress is going to blow out and be even worse than it would have been.

He is sending mixed signals because, well, he is a teenage boy. Being confused about your feelings is the NORMAL state of teen love. It sounds like he really likes you and wants to let things move along but you're scaring the crap out of him. "If she is this upset now, what would it be like if we did date??" He is showing signs that he likes you, maybe move to the next level and is getting blasted (again, in his eyes) for not doing enough. Knowing most of the males I know of all ages, the "discussion" about being just friends was probably pretty one-sided. You talking him going "hmmm ok yes. I know" or just answering the questions that you asked. Then, after the talk was over and he was thinking about it saying "oh wow! I don't know if I'm ready for this." It doesn't make either one of you a bad person. It makes you inexperienced in love and life - in other words, teenagers.

As others have said throughout the entire thread - just sit back and take a deep breath. relax and put dating out of your mind. focus on nothing but you. do projects for you. join groups for you. no hanging out with guys. no talking to them. no thinking about the "what could I do differently" just watch how guys act - it may seem careless to you but you will eventually realize that they don't always think of things the same way as you.

I was thinking of this. When a guy expects a girl to keep him updated on where she is, whats going on, why haven't you texted me yet today, do you know what people tell her? run away - classic signs of an abuser. Not that you are an abuser, just another sign that society views the way that men and women communicate differently. The same behavior has different connotations.

 

[amorrill]

Like you said, guys like the chase. If he wants to chase me he will. If not, then oh well.

I haven't read this whole thread, just the beginning and end. I hope I'm not butting in here, but you did want advice, and I gather I am a little older and have had my heart broken a few time more than you. He isn't chasing you hon. Not a bit. He is in fact stringing you along, and he admits it. Not texting you when you had plans was extremely disrespectful, even for a friend, much less someone you would think about giving your heart to. No matter what you think now, you don't want someone who is that wishy washy about you, when there are guys out there who would go out of their way to make a date with you, as well they should.

You should think about whether you are acting like a bit of a door mat. Instead of "can we still be friends?" I would consider telling him that what he did was very rude, that it made you angry, and that you don't need friends who would be so thoughtless. If he really wants to be your friend, or more than that, he will need to show it by his actions, and if not, that's fine too, have a nice life. That might be the wake up call he needs, and if it's not, then you know, and you can move on with a bit of self respect. You do deserve better, even not know ing you, I know no one should be treated that way.

 

[gg706]

I agree....if someone has made plans to hang out they should be respectful enough to text or better yet call if they are sick. I do think you are correct, he has another someone he decided to hang out with and didn't want to tell you for some reason.....that is why he isn't calling anymore. That is not someone I would want to be in a relationship with.... If a MAN, and you are not dealing with MEN yet.. really wants a woman he will move mountains....wait and get older and wiser before looking for what are now searching for...it doesn't exist. Keep to your contentions about sex, drugs and underage drinking and let the girls around you get used...... which is exactly what teenage boys are doing! Then when you are older you will be something to cherish because you are person of virtues and convictions.

 

[dainerra]

the thing is, there really weren't plans to hang out. She said that the plan was that he would "let her know if he could" Yes, it would have been polite to text and say "I'm sick" but maybe he was too busy, I don't know, being sick to think about it?