Families all living together these days

[Redfeathers]

I live in a small town that has many Russian and Hispanic families all living together and sharing in the mortgage/rent and food/energy bills. It seems to really work for them and everyone in the family is very close.

I have three children, one 22 year old son, one 20 year old son and one 16 yr old daughter. My oldest son is about to move back in, in order to save money but will be helping out with bills and food around here. The 20 yr old son never moved out and is happy to stay and pay some rent and do general repair work. I guess my question is this: Is it wrong to let them stay even though I enjoy having them here or should I be pushing them out of the nest?

I was raised to be independent and was told I couldn't come home again unless my house burned down or I was abused. I've never told my kids they had to leave but did encourage them to live on their own. It's just hard for the younger generation to make ends meet these days.

Anyone else have older kids still living at home?

 

[KellyGwen]

My BF and I moved in with his mother and we are in our 30s! It works out great for everyone! We all help with the bills, she isn't here by herself (She is in her 60's and out in the country). She and I have really whipped the yard into shape and have planted a big veggie garden, got chickens

and have fun just puttering around. I am disabled but I make sure she has dinner when she comes home from work and help clean the house too. We look at it as returning to the "old ways"...

 

[arlee453]

I think if they are expected to contribute to the running of the household, then whatever works for your family is fine.

They should not be moving back in as 5 yr olds, expecting Mom to prepare meals, do their laundry and clean up after them.

BUT if they are contributing financially as they are able, and doing their fair share of cleaning up after themselves and taking care of the home, then go for it!

We have my motherinlaw living with us and it's been a blessing for everyone!

 

[conny63malies]

When i was married to my 1st husband back in germany we used to live in a 2family 2 story with his mom and grandma. His mom drove me crazy, everything that happened was my fault. She even blamed me for her boyfriend breaking up with her while she was on vacation. I barley ever talked with him, only when he came over and only in a respectfull manner. But as usual my fault, my ex didnt even defend me , never did. I had enough, got divorced and left that continent. now iam over 1000 miles away from my inlaws.

 

[Redfeathers]

Quote:
That would be a tough situation. I'm glad you got out of that.

 

[Wildsky]

I think for some folks they will HAVE to do things like this.

When I was 16 and at school, I got a job at a little 7/11 type store, weekends and afternoons - and I paid a portion of what I earned to "rent" I HATED that, but it did teach lessons.
I was also expected at that point to pay for all my own personal items, gas for my motorbike, perfume, make-up and whatever else a 16 year old thought was important -

In South Africa, a lot of folks change their garage or add something onto their house, a little studio or one bedroom. Either it gets rented out - or children of the house live in it.
My sister currently lives with my father, she has two children.

My daughter who just got married and just had a baby, lives in one of those studio type appartments, off her husbands parents house.

 

[Davaroo]

Moving back is one thing, never having left is another.

 

[pixiechick]

My family is very close. We don't want to be far away from each other, and on the farm, everyone pitches in... granted some more than others. My mom lives with my sister and her husband plus their four kids. My dad lived there as well until he passed away suddenly last year. My usband and I live in a house just down the road. Anytime one of us needs someone to petsit or help catch a donkey, etc., we know someone will be around. It works great for us, but I know it wouldn't work for everyone.

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

We built a house on the property next door to the in-laws. It was cool until BIL and his *&$@# kids moved in - everything went south after that!

We moved in to help them, but we're not going to support BIL and we won't tolerate his kids being a bad influence on our kids. It's been rough, but my wonderful dh has made it very clear that we are his family and he will not allow his parents or brother in law to disrespect me. That's the only reason it works. Its all about if the person who is biologically related will stand up for his/her spouse.

We no longer pay their taxes and we do not contribute to their household expenses. Our kids cannot go over there as freely as we had all hoped. MIL was furious about this originally and still whines and mopes about it, but where my kids well being is concerned I am a tigress! un

 

[penelope77]

i think it's great as long as they contribute. i can't live with my family, they hate me. heck even visits are tense. i dread them like a plague. i wish we could be the kind of family that could co exist. around here alot of families live on the same property or jsut down the road from each other. they help each other out with farming and such. pretty neat to be that close. i'm sure it's not all sunshine but it works for them.