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Family Matters...

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by smileyfacecat, Dec 22, 2009.

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  1. smileyfacecat

    smileyfacecat Chirping

    Jul 24, 2009
    Wrentham, MA
    Alright, I have a .... dilemma. I am going to be attending Christmas dinner at my aunt's house, and I think the family should know a 'secret' that has been kept for the past 42 years. I just don't know if I should bring it up on Christmas - there's nothing quite as memorable as dropping a bomb shell on a holiday. [​IMG] On the other hand, it is the only time of year that I can talk to them all in the same room.

    Heres the deal; my [deadbeat] father (my aunt's brother) had a child with a girl when he was sixteen - roughly 42 years ago. The child's name is/was Rebecca. I have heard two different stories about said child, but not sure which if either can be believed. My father told my mom that he married Rebecca's mother than the marriage was annulled and shortly after Rebecca's second birthday, the mother had a psychotic break and Rebecca was given up for adoption.

    Then there is the story that I heard, from my Aunt - who at the time of Rebecca's birth was only seven years old. I was told that Rebecca's mom was sent to an unwed mothers home, and Rebecca was given up at birth. I am so confused at this point, I don't know where to look. I don't even know if her name is or ever was Rebecca. The only common factor I have is I know she had been adopted at some point.

    Any who, no one else, besides my aunt and my mother, knows about this child. I feel they have a right to know, and so does my aunt but she doesn't know how to approach the matter. It's pretty much up to me to tell my cousins that they have a family member they have never met, and is almost as old as their mother.

    The reason I am writing/ranting, is because I feel kinda lost. If I tell them, I could make the evening, well kinda, depressing. On the other hand, I could tell them and get their hopes up and find her, only for her not to want to be a part of our family; crushing them. I could continue go at it alone but I am afraid I won't get far. I thought about hiring a P.I. but I don't have the funds or the time to do that. [​IMG]
    I need help but I don't know how to ask for it.

    What would you do in this kind of situation? [​IMG]

  2. smileyfacecat

    smileyfacecat Chirping

    Jul 24, 2009
    Wrentham, MA
    whoops, I just realized that this probably should have been post in the Family Life Category... [​IMG]
  3. faykokoWV

    faykokoWV Mrs Fancy Plants

    Nov 4, 2008
    Cross Lanes, WV
    There is that new show on called find my family. While at dinner, ask if anyone has watched the show, then turn to your uncle and say," you should go on there to find your baby"
  4. smileyfacecat

    smileyfacecat Chirping

    Jul 24, 2009
    Wrentham, MA
    Sorry my post is really confusing/complicated. I should have proof read it before I posted it. The child (Rebecca) is my half-sister, my father's child from a previous 'marriage'. My father is ... ummmm... missing, but by his own volition. I haven't seen him since I was 9, ten years ago. So needless to say, he won't be dinning with us.
    I have made an attempt to contact Troy Dunn - the locator, but to no avail.

    Note to self: don't make posts while half a sleep, and without proof-reading.
  5. ranchhand

    ranchhand Rest in Peace 1956-2011

    Aug 25, 2008
    There are another 364 days of the year when you could bring this shocker up. Please don't turn Christmas into a disaster for all of you.

    What would I do in the situation? Keep it private and quietly find out more any way I could, without making a production out of it. Once I found the alleged half-sister, I would try to establish a good relationship with her and slowly introduce her to the family, is she were willing.

    It may take years to find her, or she could live around the corner. I wish you good luck and peace.
  6. cutrite

    cutrite In the Brooder

    Jul 1, 2009
    Have to agree with ranch hand here. Please dont ruin the holliday with your situation. Maybe if you still need to know more down the road possibly talk to the two that do know about this. But dont ruin what should be a happy get together.
  7. Mahonri

    Mahonri Urban Desert Chicken Enthusiast Premium Member

    May 14, 2008
    North Phoenix
    My Coop

    Let sleeping dogs lie.

    No need to stir the pot.

  8. smileyfacecat

    smileyfacecat Chirping

    Jul 24, 2009
    Wrentham, MA
    Well, it was hard to hold my tongue, but I did. I was able to pull my aunt aside and ask her a few more question, sadly I received very few answers. [​IMG] I guess it's back to square one. [​IMG] Hopefully, I can more answers from my other uncle [​IMG] Wish me luck.
  9. sfw2

    sfw2 Global Menace

    I wish you good luck with your search. It must have been very hard to keep all this to yourself at Christmas dinner, but I agree that you did the right thing.

    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
  10. FarmerChick

    FarmerChick Songster

    Jul 30, 2008
    North Carolina
    As much as you feel it is everyone's right to know......it isn't your right to tell.

    This is your fathers child. His business.

    I just don't know if I would be the one "to tell the family" ya know.

    If you tell, what are you getting from it? I mean why do you want everyone to know?
    Do you want to find this child? Contact her? etc. etc.......or are you throwing an old skeleton out into the family for "really" no reason at all?

    just wondering

    when you are the one "to pop the surprise" of a family secret, sometimes YOU COME out to be the bad guy. These things can bite you right back big time and you look like the troublemaker and everything else.....so tread carefully definitely if you do spill and do not be surprised if they come to hate you for blurting.....just think of all scenarios that might happen.
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