I don't know what is going on with me at the moment, but I feel like I want to curl under a rock and just stay there. I am having a very tough time at home, and am so ready to be gone I am seriously considering packing up and driving to live as a river rat somewhere up in high northern california. Just me and my dog. I can't even fathom keeping my chickens at this point. I deal with my brother on a constant basis (previous threads explain his fricken situation) and he is always griping about my chickens. Constant griping. To where it is wearing me down badly.. "They smell. Why the XX are they inside? You need to get rid of them. I am gunna let the cat out and see what happens to the chicks." Just.. Sick stuff. This is a 30 year old man we are talking about.. I feel like I can't talk to my friends because they have their own crud going on, and they don't need to hear any of MY issues. I do go to a counsler, but have not been able to for the past week or two due to the cost. (without med insurance) I feel like I am losing it, hardcore.. I love my animals, but sometimes wonder if they would be better off with somebody else. I want to move to some farm in rural montana and just do an internship, live on the property, work on the farm or ranch, and just get paid in board and learning things, but I am bound here by my animals. Don't get me wrong, I love them with all my heart, every one of them, but I am so close to listing my chickens on craigslist I can't even explain. I feel like I can't take my brother's constant badgering. I really feel like throwing in the towel and going to tent stake some river spot up north with my dog. I would never abandon my cat or chickens, but that is where I am at. It's like I am suffocating and can't get air, I don't know why or if this is just horomonal or what, but I really feel like I am spirolling downhill quickly. My family is run by addiction and alcoholism, and I am dang tired of BOTH. I really need to get away, but who would care for the chickens? Or the cats? I feel stuck, and feel awful for even considering trying to escape from this household. Obviously I won't go anywhere, but I just.. Hardly keeping my head above water. I am trying to be there as best I can for my neice and nephew who are with us pretty constantly, but again even that is grinding down on me. I feel like I am being streached way too thin, and am about to break.. I'm sorry I just don't know what else to do.