Feel like calling it quits..

[Morgan7782]

I don't know what is going on with me at the moment, but I feel like I want to curl under a rock and just stay there. I am having a very tough time at home, and am so ready to be gone I am seriously considering packing up and driving to live as a river rat somewhere up in high northern california. Just me and my dog. I can't even fathom keeping my chickens at this point. I deal with my brother on a constant basis (previous threads explain his fricken situation) and he is always griping about my chickens. Constant griping. To where it is wearing me down badly.. "They smell. Why the XX are they inside? You need to get rid of them. I am gunna let the cat out and see what happens to the chicks." Just.. Sick stuff. This is a 30 year old man we are talking about..

I feel like I can't talk to my friends because they have their own crud going on, and they don't need to hear any of MY issues. I do go to a counsler, but have not been able to for the past week or two due to the cost. (without med insurance) I feel like I am losing it, hardcore.. I love my animals, but sometimes wonder if they would be better off with somebody else. I want to move to some farm in rural montana and just do an internship, live on the property, work on the farm or ranch, and just get paid in board and learning things, but I am bound here by my animals. Don't get me wrong, I love them with all my heart, every one of them, but I am so close to listing my chickens on craigslist I can't even explain. I feel like I can't take my brother's constant badgering. I really feel like throwing in the towel and going to tent stake some river spot up north with my dog. I would never abandon my cat or chickens, but that is where I am at.

It's like I am suffocating and can't get air, I don't know why or if this is just horomonal or what, but I really feel like I am spirolling downhill quickly. My family is run by addiction and alcoholism, and I am dang tired of BOTH. I really need to get away, but who would care for the chickens? Or the cats? I feel stuck, and feel awful for even considering trying to escape from this household. Obviously I won't go anywhere, but I just.. Hardly keeping my head above water. I am trying to be there as best I can for my neice and nephew who are with us pretty constantly, but again even that is grinding down on me. I feel like I am being streached way too thin, and am about to break.. I'm sorry I just don't know what else to do.

 

[suzettex5]

Hey Morgan- Aw, I'm sorry things suck for you right now (and for awhile now it would seem) Sounds like you could use a new friend or two.

Hi! I'm Suzette! I live near ya. Are you going to the Sac fair in July? A few of us BYC'ers are gonna try to meet up at the fur n feathers exhibit- why dont ya join us? Might be just what you need to lift your spirits. In the mean time, if you need to vent, or just talk, PM me.

 

[DragonEggs]

Ya know.... I feel EXACTLY the same! That thread about my family not being supportive, well it's only gotten worse. I continued to lose birds for no real reason and just kept getting depressed and discouraged and all I heard from my dad is "I don't think you're cut out for this."

Lets go move in together and be roomies somewhere in the woods where we can live with out dogs (I have a St Bernard, hope you don't mind) and all the chikens we want and NO BROTHERS OR DADS TO BOTHER US!

Seriously, your brother is a jerk. I'll switch places with him. He can come live with my cranky old dad and they can complain abotu chickens together and I can come pack up the meager remains of my flock and come help you take care of yours.

BTW, if someone let MY cat out to see what would happen my chickens would make sure the body was never found... I sware I have mafia chickens....

EVeryone else in my house gets to spend money on what they want when they want it... a new chick costs less thn a pack of cigarettes so why can't I have a chicken budget like they have a cigarette budget?

I get real depressed too.. Ive been fighting it really hard, harder than I have ever fought a depression fit, but it feels like the harder I fight it the harder it fights back.

I just wanna give you a BIG

 

[Morgan7782]

Quote:
Hello Suzette, I am Kalie. I sure would love to go to the fair in July, I saw the chicken meet up post and responded. I have never been to the fur n feathers thing, or even seen the chickens at the state fair. I am keeping my fingers crossed I will have the means to attend, I love animals and fair food. You are right that hopefully it will get my mind off stuff because right now I'm struggling to tread water. I love my animals, and would never do anything to put them in harms way, I just need to get out and about for a little while I think. Maybe I will try going for a walk right now, get some fresh night air. For some reason I can't stop crying, and just feel really out of control of my emotions. All in all it sounds horomornal or something to me, but I don't know why or how.. I'm sorry I don't mean to dump all over byc, I thoroughly enjoy this board and everybody here, I just.. don't know

 

[Morgan7782]

Quote:
Amen to being roomies. My brother has some real issues.. We were somewhere in town the other day and saw a dead dog on the freeway and he suggested we pick it up so he could keep the skull. To me that is just sick. I guess it's "scientific" like my mom says.. But dang. I am sorry things are tough for you right now, boy do I understand..

 

[WriterofWords]

Morgan I think a lot of us can empathize with you right now. I've felt like throwing the towel in myself a few times. Your brother is an insensitive moron who sounds like he needs a visit from a mental health counselor. He's enjoying scaring you over the chicks and the cat,, it's a control thing, call him on it to his face. "I'm tired of your crap and trying to scare me, I'm telling you right now that if you so much as look at a chick the wrong way I will be reporting you to the ASPCA as an animal abuser". Don't let him see you get upset,, he loves it and it feeds his sickness. I wish I could help you.

 

[The Resident Nomad]

I don't know your financial situation and I know the economy is bad. I'm thinking that maybe you lost your job since you don't have health insurance anymore for counseling. If you do have a little money saved up, you should consider moving out to Winters. Its about 30-40 minutes away from Sacramento so you would still be able to see your niece and nephew. Or, Maybe even Capay valley. There are almost always houses for rent In winters. You could rent out a small house and you could build a coop for your chickens outside if you wanted. Theres Lake Berryessa, and Lake Solano down the road when you need a nature get away or to go running with the dogs. Theres also Putah Creek that runs through town. Agriculture and dog friendly neighborhoods. Its nice and quiet, yet there are still a few stores for amenities.

ALSO! As far as doing a farming internship, there is a place down the road in Winters near Lake Solano that has apprenticeships. So you could have your cake and eat it too! Although I don't know that they pay so you would need a job in addition to that. BUT there are so many farms out here that I'm sure you could find a job out here for hired labor.

If you are having financial issues, you could go to unemployment or you could go to General Assistance (i think this is what it is called) to get food stamps....both are located in Sac.

Hang in there! Let me know if you need anymore help/suggestions since I do live in the area.

 

[PoultryPedia]

I had to rehome my chickens, my 3 cats, and 1 horse not long ago. Though reasons for needing to do so were not happy, it was the right thing at that time.
God was very good to me and them--gave them extremely good homes (Well, except 1 cat, but still helped with that). I am so grateful to Him, and all the new owners. And I can still visit many of them, too. This experience has helped bolster my trust that if it's the right time to do something, God will make it work out alright.
I don't know what the best thing for your life right now is, but I do know if you seek to know and do it, God will help.
Bless you! I'm sorry you're feeling so much sorrow right now.

 

[Break an Egg]

Quote:
I agree with writer, I've known many men that loved to do this. Buy him a can of air freshener, and let him know that those chicks smell better than him. He is probably also jealous that you are doing something productive.

You may not have any support from your house, but it sounds like you are doing great in the midst of the fray, and you need to hear it.

 

[justbugged]

You are describing depression perfectly. It makes sense that you would have depression with all the constant badgering, stress, and family genetics. A lot of alcoholics have issues that are based in depression, and or an anxiety disorders. There is no shame in lighting the load you have at the moment.

First you are not responsible for your nieces and nephews. Yes I know that you love them, but you are not their parents. Your influence is always going to be limited with the children as long as their parents are around. Unless their parents completely loose custody of the children, it's not your job to parent them. If they loose custody, you can step in and assume control in a meaningful, and powerful way. Staying and trying make a difference is a waste of your life and energies. Parents are always responsible for the children that they bring into the world, and if they don't do their jobs right it rarely can be fixed by other family members.

As for the pets there is nothing wrong with finding a no kill shelter for the cats. The shelter will find homes for your cats. Your chickens may be a lot safer in new homes.

Just because you can't have them now does not mean that you will never have them. You need to take care of yourself, you have to learn to love yourself also. Sometimes a lot pets, and or a lot of possessions is away of avoiding yourself. You also need to get an education that will make you employable. In this country you need at least a community college degree to be able to be worth anything more than minimum wage. Federal minimum wage will not allow you to have a lot of pets and live indoors. YOU NEED EDUCATION MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE.

You need to find a place where you feel safe and appreciated. If you can find a working ranch where you can room, board, and work, for gods sake go do it now. You will only have a chance to do something like this when you are still young enough and free of responsibilities like your own children and significant others.

I don't know how old you are, but whatever you do don't go live some type of homeless life. It will not get you what you really want, and you sound like you could be easily preyed upon. Find a place where you can work and have a safe place to live.

I know that I am sounding rather bossy, but I would rather tell you the way it is than just give you a "poor little lambie" and hope that you somehow muddle through this. I am counting on you now, make me proud of you. I care. Now quit your whining, and start doing something productive that moves you closer to what you really want in life. I DARE YOU!

Oh and never forget to dance like no one is watching.