Feel like calling it quits..

[justbugged]

Okay Dragonsegg the same goes for you. Make me proud of you.

 

[Camelot Farms]

Hey there! How about finding a program with free counseling. There are many out there that are grant funded and dont require payment if you cant afford it.

PM me if you need some help finding one in your area or maybe one of the local BYCers that have already posted might know of some.

(((hugs)))

 

[Morgan7782]

Writer Of Words: Thank you for your kind words, they mean a lot. I really don't know why my brother doesn't have the concious to tell him to SHUT UP. But he doesn't. I don't think he would intentionally harm any of my animals, but whether an accident from stupidity or intentional it doesn't matter. When he is "not himself" (using or drinking) he HAS gone as far as hitting my dog hard enough to slam him to the ground. And I have a 57 pound pit bull terrier, so it is no easy task. Ever since then I have had this rage and hatred toward my brother, I don't think he realizes that he really burned this bridge permanantly. Not to mention his 'suicide' incident, and leaving his kids with me and my parents (who are both older so I was usually in charge). I just really feel a lot of resentment and anger toward him, and I am wondering if that is the root of this.. I love all my animals, and would not get rid of any of them if it was not for his griping and complaining. He doesn't pay rent, he never offers ANYTHING even when he has money. I am broke myself but if I ever happen across .75 cents or something I ALWAYS offer to buy my mom a soda or coffee before myself. To me that is just how it should be..

I have two moms, they are partners and have been together since I was 6 months in the womb. I know my father but he is dealing with his own problems somewhere in Modesto. My Mom's are going through the same thing I am, especially with their grandkids.

JustBugged: I get what you are saying more then you know. Aunts, uncles, and grandparents are for spoiling the kids, NOT raising them UNLESS custody is provided. I have no say in what my neice and nephew eat, watch, or do. I have no reign over punishment or correction. That in itself makes it impossible to do what I feel like is a good job. I don't want to 'fail' them, especially because they are here so often. But whenever my brother is around these kids are just cut loose to do what they please. I am sorry, but no 5 year old will be telling ME "No" to ANYTHING. If I tell my nephew to turn off his computer games, he outright says No.

EXCUSE ME?! When my brother is here (usual) I just have to bite the bullet and let it happen. If it were MY kid... It doesn't matter. I just am feeling stuck with these kids, that I can only help SO much and that just gets washed away by their moronic father.

Typing this all out I have realized a lot of the problem is my brother.. I had no idea it affected me this much.. I always prided myself on my ability to 'cut ties' with people that drag me down, but this seems impossible.

I do hear where you are coming from JustBugged, and I would love nothing more then to get in my truck, drive until I run out of gas, and just get a job and live wherever I ended up. However, I feel like I shouldn't leave my Mom's to deal with this alone.. They are wonderful women who I love both dearly and they do not deserve what my brother is doing to our family. Too many times the cops have been called. Too many times the kids pulled out of school because their father shot himself, or cut himself all up with a razor, or overdosed on some hospital drug.

I think what I need to do is figure out a way to get away from the house on occasion, and just detatch myself for a few hours so that I can start with a fresh slate. I need a power boost or something.

SpeckledHills: I have never been into religion, but was baptised and went to church until it got knocked down in the '89 earthquake. I may attend a nearby church for the sake of community, something nondenominational. I will look into that and thank you so much for your thoughts and words.

The Resident Nomad: I am ALWAYS keeping an eye on the current real estate market, but am not familiar with Winters. I will have to check that out and see what houses are running for rent and sale over in that area. I would be totally happy on a trailer with some land, I really do not need anything fancy.

Camelot Farms: I will be PMing you!

 

[drafthorse39]

It is so so eerie that we have such similar situations. Down to brothers being the reason, and being tied to stay because of the animals. I have 3 dogs, so just picking up and going somewhere won't work, and my sister offered to let me stay with her, minus 2 dogs (My chihuahua is welcome). I can't do it. So instead I endure living here with the stress, depression, and anxiety. I really hope something good comes out of your situation. I don't wish it on my worst enemy, it's so entirely draining. If I could sleep for months at a time I would.

 

[PoultryPedia]

drafthorse39,

for you, too!! May you find the best ways for you in your path.

 

[QuinnP]

some days it really isn''t worth chewing through the restraints.............................

my hubby thinks my tortoises are dragon eggs.

 

[FluffyColor]

I know where you are coming from! My dad wouldn't let me have chickens for 14 months and then when he did, we found out they were illegal. (Am now being called a criminal because of my two chicks. Variances, anyone?) My brother, well he's a pain. He laughes at me because I only hatched two chicks and over something that happened in school back in APRIL. On top of my mom's tumor and the loss of Ebony (my dog) and over half of my chicks that I gave away to a farm, and pressure from kids at school, because next year I will be in the highest grade in my school and most kids in that grade think they're better than everyone and can get away with ANYTHING. (I will NOT set some poor fourth grader up in a false love triangle or brag about my part in a play or put Purell in someone's water bottle. I just won't.) I also think that the general population just changes and grows up WAY too fast. Yes, I know I gotta change, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to dig in the sand or believe in the Tooth Fairy or like to sit on my dad's shoulders. But, I feel things are looking up from December or January. (My chicks and a warm bath REALLY help.)

 

[The Resident Nomad]

Check out this link periodically. This is the Winters newspaper classified section. It mostly lists rentals available and a few homes for sale. I used homefinder.com when looking for houses in this area. As far as getting a piece of land and slapping a trailer on it, you should check out the capay valley (esparto, etc..) they have a decent amount of land for good prices.

For Capay/Esparto: http://www.lindapillard.com/

For Winters Classifieds (Rentals): http://www.wintersexpress.com/classifieds.html

For Winters (Also West Sac, Woodland, Capay) Homes/Land: http://gonzalez.golyon.com/

 

[Morgan7782]

Thank you all for your kind words, prayers, and thoughts. They all mean so much, and it makes me feel better (oddly) to know other people are going through similar stuff. Misery loves company huh? lol. It really is good to know that a lot of you seem to understand my point of view, without even really knowing me. BYC is filled with great people and I appreciate the support everybody has offered.

I am starting to get my stuff together. I will start looking very seriously for employment, anywhere from food service to working for the state (bleh but my mom is a retired state worker so hopefully we can work something out) I WILL make a good home for my animals, and I am starting school this Fall. I have met a few local BYCers and I will take advantage of their meetings and hang outs purely to get out of the house. I will NOT take my brothers words to heart, I will learn how to let them roll right off me.

Thank you all again.

to ALL

 

[gritsar]

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