Feel like calling it quits..

[The Resident Nomad]

Hey, I'm a student too! What school are you going to in Fall, and what are you gonna study. I'm currently at UCD. Being at school will definitely keep your mind off things.

 

[Morgan7782]

I am on waiting lists for both Sacramento City College and Consumnes River (part of Sac City). I signed on for two just in case one didn't have room. I am getting general education out of the way right now, hoping to get an AA and eventually BA in Buisness. I would love to own/manage a Vetrenarian Office, something in the country a bit. I was born and raised in Oakland, CA but am definately a country loving girl! My ideal place to live would be somewhere in Northern California with some property, I want horses, dogs, cats, chickens, goats. The whole nine yards!

 

[PineappleMama]

I hate to say it, since you prolly already know it, but maybe if Moms and Bro didn't have you to lean on they'd buck up and fly straight... and, if you have a breakdown it's not going to do you or them ANY good. It most especially won't help the kids, who odds are see you as the "stable one" in their life. They've seen so many bad things, to have the one stable person fall too would hurt badly.

But, for that stable person to take a job and do training to better herself, to educate herself, to earn her keep... that's a good example to set. Showing them that IF they CHOOSE to they CAN do something besides turn into their Dad... oh yeah, a very good lesson indeed.

Not to mention the good it would do for you. Even if only for six months or a year getting away from that mess, focusing on something totally different that also happens to be hard and tiring work, would prolly do you good. Not to mention the experience will help you in the future.

At the very least you can check locally for work that maybe you could commute to... or from to see your family... so that IF it gets bad you have a plan... just having a Plan B can make you feel a bit better... knowing there's that 'safety net' available.

I can't recall if you've mentioned how your brother got custody... has mom passed... or is she worse than he is? Hard to imagine worse... firing a gun and nearly killing yourself, not providing for your children, drug and alcohol abuse, animal cruelty... what happens when hurting animals isn't enough anymore... SCARY... that guy is a serious threat to you, and everyone in your house human or animal... my Sis has had to be locked up when she's a threat to herself ... last time was like three months... it was a state hospital because she had no insurance but they took good care of her... she came out clean, meds regulated, etc. which is a LOT better than when she checked in. Of course, getting her there wasn't easy... and I imagine with yours it'd be a LOT harder... may require police intervention... but he really needs to get help... that was no passive attempt, and if he doesn't work through his problems/get meds he's only going to hurt himself again... or WORSE an innocent bystander. It is hard, but it's not worth the risk of two innocent kids lives.

 

[Morgan7782]

PinappleMama:

Thank you for your words of wisdom, they really do help me see things from a 'fresh' point of view. The ONLY reason my brother has weekend and summer custody (The kids live in Santa Cruz with their mom during school) is because he is living with stable parents, or grandparents. So if he lived on his own, I don't think he would have custody. BUT the flipside of that, is their mother... She is not into drugs or anything but I cannot NAME the amount of times she has 'forgotten' her kids at school. There is NO house phone, and only ONE cell phone for that family and it is usually dead of battery. We have been called numerous times from the school in Santa Cruz, and yes we have driven from Sacramento to Santa Cruz to pick one of the kids up from school because their mom was too "busy".

She is just as worthless as my brother, excuse my condemning. But man. Really these kids have me, my parents, and I do have 2 older sisters who are WONDERFUL and help when they can, but both work and live in Oakland/Benecia areas so it's hard. My family has come together, those who could anyhow, to care as best we can for these kids. My household is stable at the moment, my brother's drinking never happens when the kids are here. One of his 'troubles' is that he doesn't see his kids often enough and his 5 year old son is VERY affected by this. (acting out and such). My brother, SOBER, is a wonderful father. But it's like a catch 22. He drinks and is suicidal because his kids are alone all the time in Santa Cruz, and because of his past he cannot seek custody. But if his kids lived here, and whenever they visit, my brother is a wonderful father to them.

It is so weird to see the switch. He comes home from driving them back to SC and he is a mess. Or when my Mom or I go and pick them up and bring them here, he is stable and has his stuff together..

I don't even know..

But you are right regardless. They need as much stability as we can offer. My parents are both clean and sober have been for 20+ years, but they ARE getting older and it is hard for them to control the 5 year old when he has his 'moments'. That is why I am here. I am the youth that can handle Ronin. I play his games, run with him at the park, all that stuff.

If not for myself, for the kids huh? I think I am coming to realize that.. Thank you all for responded just me typing stuff has made me see a few things with more clarity.

 

[Qi Chicken]

I'm sorry I'm not clear on the family situation exactly but it sounds like you have your own place? And your brother lives with you? Or do you both live with your moms?

I agree with the other posters. The best you can do for those kids and your pets is the best you can do for yourself. You aren't in a position to help anyone when you're not strong. And you can't be strong with ackk, I don't even know what your brother is. We call them Qi suckers in my business! Something that I am slowly coming to terms with is that you really can NOT help those who don't want to help themselves. You can't make people WANT to change. And a good clue...if they want to, they will. No debate. If they are not changing it is because they don't want to. True.