Nice job documenting so far!
I applaud you for cutting out the middle man for some of your sustenance. I agree with the other posters and general sentiment when I say, culling animals should never be "easy". That doesn't mean we always have to be emotional when we do it, but just recognize the gravity of the situation. Take a minute to feel gratitude. Raising meat animals is such a rewarding experience. We feed them, they feed us. Their "waste" products go to our pets and our compost is used to grow stuff to feed them, to feed us. It is a wonderful cycle to be privy to and a part of.
When I first started raising meat, I told myself I would not get attached. That I would stoically care for these animals and save all my feelings for my breeders and house pets. In reality, that is not how it worked out. I love my meat animals so much. They make me feel like I am fighting back even just a little against the abhorrent practices of factory farming. They make me feel connected to what I am putting in my body. I love and respect them for it.
Long story long, Processing day is always hard. But the feeling of a freezer or pantry full of meat that you ethically raised, for me so far, is an unparalleled sense of pride and a deep, visceral satisfaction that can't be beat.