For all the parents out there....

[cthrash1]

Depends on the girls/boys maturity level and responsibility level... My daughter was allowed to date at 16(now in college), but she is a VERY level headed girl and don't take pressure from anyone. Now my BFFs daughter on the other hand needs to be locked up til she's out of college... 9 yrs old and already boy crazy and strongheaded... I worry about that one when she becomes a teen.

Now my son, who is 11 right now will not even have his drivers license at 16... Told him he'll be 18 before I let him have one. So won't have to worry about him dating at 16 unless me or his dad is taking them. He likes racing type cars too much...

 

[chickinlickin]

Quote:
11 year old children are just going through puberty and are probably experiencing sexual desire for the first time. Plus sex can temporarily appear to be loving for a lonely girl. So, parents need to supervise their preteens and early teens nearly as closely as they did when they were toddlers. I went through puberty early and I remember that rush of hormones was very disturbing and a bit overwhelming.

my 11 year old still plays with toys and thinks girls are gross.
i think (this is just MY opinion) that children seem more advanced, or older, or whatever because parents are just letting them watch whatever they want on tv, and not monitoring who they hang out with. my kids are the only kids out of their group of friends who arent allowed to watch south park, play the grand theft auto games, watch "twilight" etc etc and i am not a bit sorry for it. let them be kids because adulthood lasts for a very long, LONG time.

I totally agree....my kids never had those games and were, for the most part, "protected " from that kind of stuff till they were a little older...like you said they grow up fast enough..and stay that way a long time....I can't believe some of the things that come out of my niece's mouth (she's 12)....my daughter is a 2nd grade teacher and she is just appalled at how many of her kids watch south park, family guy, etc. WITH their parents!! unbelievable.

 

[ScoobyRoo]

My DD is 13 and I tease her by saying that she can't date til she drives and she can't drive til she is 21. Problem solved!

 

[cockadoodle]

If you trust your daughter and know the boy, I don't see a problem dating at 14. Talking about going to a movie or something, it's really not a big deal. I'd be more concerned about saying no, and then she'd do it behind my back anyways and end up heading down that slippery path where she tells you less and less and ends up in more and more trouble. For most kids, they just would get around rules like this one way, or another if they wanted.

 

[agnes_day]

and if they disrespected you and your house, then they go on total lockdown. never let them think they have the upper hand because that is when you end up on a talk show crying and wringing your hands over your little darling that is doing whatever they want. parents are all too willing to give away any control they have to their children, who are not mentally ready for that much freedom. its really sad. no needs to mean no, not no but go ahead and sneak around behind my back because you are just gonna do it anyways.

its really along the same lines as the parents who allow their children to have sex and drink under their roof because "at least they know what they are doing and are safe"

 

[PortageGirl]

I put 'depends' because I think that group social times are healthier but at 16 if there aren't some allowances made, most kids will find ways around rules that are crazy strict. Special occasions or circumstances could, (should?) apply. It really seemed better not to limit myself to just one 'relationship' at that age, and boys in that age group are often ... ok, well, silly is putting it nicely.

Making it a hard and fast number is a problem because there is a lot that can affect a child's privileges, be it dating, driving, staying out till X-o'clock, or many other things. One child in a family may be ready for certain privileges before another, that's even harder to manage. No one ever said being a parent is easy!!

One child may be ready at 16, another should probably wait till 16.5 or 17 or 18. I was secretly happy that my parents were a bit restrictive, and even when I could date at 17, I was pretty cautious, and was glad I had my father's size, toughness and supposed temper to use as a threat when a date got a little too insistent about stopping to 'look at the stars.' **cough** (or... staying to look at the stars a little too long. ) I have to say that at least one time having that 'threat' to hold over our head ("my father will kill us both if I don't get home NOW!") really was, well, it might have been a lifesaver...

 

[fowler_chick]

my daughter is your age....and yes just started dating last month...best thing is he's in cold water and we're all the way out here!!....lol...when he does come to visit her she must have a friend with her while there out and about

 

[rocktheflock]

I'm part of the BYC "minor group" who aren't supposed to show they're real age, and I know I'm in the minority in my beliefs, but here's what I am doing:
I'm not going to date ever. The whole purpose of dating is to find a spouse, right? For one thing, I'm not ready to get married at 16, so I wouldn't be ready to date at 16. What I'm doing is just be friends with people of the opposite sex, then if with a certain person we both God pushing us together, we'll start courting. And not any courting until at least the second half of college. I'm not even going to kiss a guy until I'm engaged, why would I want to give away something as special as the first kiss to anyone else then the person I will spending my life with? If anyone wants to know more about this, I HIGHLY recommend "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," by Joshua Harris.
Just to be on the safe side; I'm not dissing dating, I'm just sharing my opinion.

 

[agnes_day]

yes! that is exactly what we are trying to teach our children.

 

[deb1]

Quote:
11 year old children are just going through puberty and are probably experiencing sexual desire for the first time. Plus sex can temporarily appear to be loving for a lonely girl. So, parents need to supervise their preteens and early teens nearly as closely as they did when they were toddlers. I went through puberty early and I remember that rush of hormones was very disturbing and a bit overwhelming.

my 11 year old still plays with toys and thinks girls are gross.
i think (this is just MY opinion) that children seem more advanced, or older, or whatever because parents are just letting them watch whatever they want on tv, and not monitoring who they hang out with. my kids are the only kids out of their group of friends who arent allowed to watch south park, play the grand theft auto games, watch "twilight" etc etc and i am not a bit sorry for it. let them be kids because adulthood lasts for a very long, LONG time.

I didn't mean that all 11 year olds are sexually active or think about the opposite sex. I was giving a reason why some kids might be sexual active and might need to be protected from their own selves. Sorry, I wasn't more clear about that.