Foster/Adoptive Parent Rant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by Boyd, Jul 12, 2010.

  1. Boyd

    Boyd Recipient of The Biff Twang

    Mar 14, 2009
    OK, ongoing issue with new adoptive family for a little girl I took in temporarily as a favor to the agency as she's got a family that has been trying to adopt her starting last month. Here is a letter I wrote to both agencies...

    For privacy reasons I cut it down to just initials so here are the players in this drama

    J= Foster Company Case Worker
    A= Adoptive Worker
    B= Adoptive Dad
    M= Adoptive Mom
    L= Foster Daughter who's in process of being adopted....

    AM I UNREASONABLE???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ACK! [​IMG]

    J and A, I spoke with you both today intermittently when I was trying to figure out where and when L was coming back home.

    I need to put this in writing so I can go through and re-edit because I am still slightly steamed. If I have filled you guys in on all of this I do apologize.

    approximately 1:30-1:45pm today I called B's # to find out when and where M was coming in. He wasn't sure but told me that they should be at the main terminal around 3pm ish and would call.

    I called B back and asked him if he heard from M because I had not (the time L was supposed to be here). I know he was probably at work, but it was the only number I had saved. He did offer to give me her number but by that time I was sitting at our new house waiting because it was close to grand blanc, and honestly I didn't know where she was going or what time she was coming in still. Close to 4:30 I started making more phone calls, I believe my 2nd message to you A, and my first to J. As I was speaking to J a 313 number popped up and I had to let him go.

    I spoke with M who told me she was in the flint terminal and wanted me to come there to pick up L. Ok, full stop. Wha .. huh? Well ok, but it wasn't the one on Dort Hwy and I69 that I knew of. She had an MTA guy tell me where it was. Harrison and 2nd street (and if you are familiar with flint I am sorry for drawing this visual) but that is an area I don't like to go into anymore. I specifically told M as well as A that. That is approximately 2 blocks where I was almost car jacked in '07.

    I get there, and they are waiting outside. L hops in my big van and M Leans in. Tells me that the MTA to straight flint is better for her, and she didn't want to hop another bus to grand blanc. It would be another dollar fifty per person to hop on another bus from the main terminal, then another dollar fifty to hop back on to main terminal and another 4 dollars per person to go back to Detroit. I am getting a sneaky suspicion she never intended to drop her of anywhere else.

    Ok, but M, I explained to you, I will not pick up or drop off here. Well since it's a good midpoint for me (M) I'll talk to A and get it straightened out.

    Big ut oh..

    She also asked when she was going to pick L back up, and I told her I wanted her therapist to have time with her before she goes back.. She asked me what day/time and I told her Monday Morning is when the apt was set (we also went over this Saturday morning) and before I could mention I wanted to see if Cassandra could squeeze her in she sorta blew her gasket because it was going to be another week to week and a half, and why was I doing this to them? blah blah blah

    I am not doing anything. I know from foster agency and L the type of abuse she's been through, how hearing each of her older sibs talk about how when they get older they are going to get her out of the system and it keeps not happening, I honestly want her VERY capable therapist to be involved with this transition to the adoptive family for her sake as well as ours while she is still a member of my family. That little girl has been through SOooooooooooooooooooooooooo much.

    My kiddo has been late from coming back from these folks both times she's visited, and honestly, I don't really blame her for getting turned around on Saturday but the only reason I mentioned it and emailed A, is I was getting a real funny feeling, sorta like waiting for the other shoe to drop when M asked me to change the place and method of drop off. I wanted documentation in case there was a fiasco, as this is shaping up to be.

    J, you indicated that it isn't ACF's policy to transport, and A, you feel it's their job (adoptive parents) ... So I want to from here on out have the drop off and pick up done at the agency during agency hours. Preferably a morning appointment.

    When it goes to 5 days on 2 off, I would like to propose Thursday morning 8-9AM, and come back Tuesday morning 8-9AM that way M can get the weekend visit in she wants, and it gives Tuesday, Wednesday and potentially thurs morning to get her in to see Cassandra her Therapist (if it's available). I really think both families got off on the wrong foot, but with that sort of disrespect coming from the adoptive family, honestly I won't have another incident.

    J, if this issue continues to be problematic (attitude and tardyness), my 2 weeks notice will be put in if it's appropriate at that time. I hate doing this to a kid in any situation. I cannot be both morally and legally responsible for a kid who is not where she is supposed to be when she is supposed to be. Also ensure that the adoptive family knows I will not be waiting 40 minutes to 3 hours (how late it was today and last time) and will call off the visit if that is the case. If public transportation cannot get them there in a timely manner, then they need to drive a car there.

    If either of you feel this is appropriate to share this in it's entirety to B and M, please feel free. I just want whats best for her (l). Just kindly remind them that I do have a lot going on at the moment. All I ask is they be where they are supposed to be when they are supposed to be.


    Boyd Craven

    PS, they were concerned because I sent over a bathing suit L Casa worker bought for her. Apparently it's a bikini type two piece (which they don't approve of which is very ok) but it was also a bit small (sorry, she literally just got it). Didn't do it on purpose, ask Wanda the casa worker if they don't believe me!!!!
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2010
  2. kla37

    kla37 Songster

    Apr 18, 2010
    Hillsborough, NC USA
    Not unreasonable at all. Go through it with my soon-to-be-ex all the time. It's very frustrating! Good luck to you and the child! Sounds like she'll need it.[​IMG]
  3. Mommi3130

    Mommi3130 Songster

    Jun 4, 2009
    I hope the agency actually does their job and you see some results. Makes you wonder if the family is responsible enough to take care of this child full time? Good Luck, you are not being unreasonable.
  4. Boyd

    Boyd Recipient of The Biff Twang

    Mar 14, 2009
    the hardest part for me? I am a foster parent, I went through countless hours of training, exhaustive background checks, and close to 50 hours a year of ongoing education and training...

    This adoptive family who's jerking me around??????

    They only have their background check done... They haven't finished the classes yet....
  5. slackwater

    slackwater Songster

    Feb 1, 2010
    You are not being unreasonable. It sounds like they are taking advantage of you and won't stop until they are forced to.

    Just so you know - not all potential adoptive parents are that way. We are trying to jump through hoops, but aren't getting anywhere on our side, either [​IMG]
  6. I have WHAT in my yard?

    I have WHAT in my yard? Songster

    Jun 24, 2008
    Eggberg, PA
    Boyd you've been doing this a long time. If your spidey senses are telling you something is off then something is off. Do you trust either of the workers to discuss it??
  7. Sonoran Silkies

    Sonoran Silkies Flock Mistress

    Jan 4, 2009
    Tempe, Arizona
    Your request seems very reasonable to me. I am surprised that they have already paired the couple with a child when they have not yet met adoptive requirements. And it seems bizarre that they are begrudging her time with a therapist. It would certainly raise red flags in my mind.
  8. Boyd

    Boyd Recipient of The Biff Twang

    Mar 14, 2009
    Quote:Oh I know.. I just got some genius's who think it's my duty to cater to them... Sorry, they are using a 3rd party agency who contacted our 2nd party agency who contracts through the state who I am licensed with. I actually do not need to transport the kiddo ANYWHERE to meet them. It is definitely not in my contract. Only Reason I bring it up is I am mad, and I read that document from front to back because I was RED HOT.

    Lady was nasty to me, and honestly, the reason the state sends me inner city kids is that I basically live on a road that is about a mile long. Halfway down is my house, and it's the last one on the road. It's a 30 minute car ride to get ANYWHERE... 20 minutes from the closest grocery store, 15 from the nearest gas station. Run aways suddenly find there is nowhere to go, and end up falling in love with wildflowers, horses, fishing and long walks not having to listen to the hustle n bustle of the city.

    Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo not only were they 40-50 minutes late, they then put me 40-50 minutes away from home.
  9. love_a_duck

    love_a_duck Songster

    May 26, 2010
    Waterford, Michigan
    Harrison and 2nd street (and if you are familiar with flint I am sorry for drawing this visual)

    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]

    First, let me say I love Michigan.
    But there are places you don't want to be, and for god's sake, that is one of them.
    I was there once, I got lost dropping someone off, and [​IMG] wow, it was scary.

    If the adoptive mom thinks it is too much trouble or not worth going to a decent place for drop off/ exchange,
    I think there is a big problem here Boyd.
    I understand your frustration and ranting about this.
    It is about the safety and security of that little girl.

    Why are you doing this to them? [​IMG] Geez, isnt it about the little girl?
    Them becoming responsible parents?

    Bless you for taking on this tireless and obviously sometimes thankless job.

  10. Mandalina

    Mandalina Songster

    Apr 1, 2009
    I dont think you are being unreasonable at all, they need to be at the right places at the right time and stick to the plans. I have to say it seems unfair to little L to be going to these peoples home, being told they are going to adopt her when there is a good chance it won't happen if they havent finished the classes and got everything lined up.Maybe it is just me but if I were going to be adoptiong I would have all my stuff in order before bring a child into our lives and telling them that we are going to be their parents.

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