Friend Can't Keep Animals Alive!

[dainerra]

Honestly, some people just should not have pets. I know a lot of adults who are the same way. They are in love with the IDEA of a pet, but don't want to do any of the work involved.
Have your friend help you with your peafowl for a couple weeks. See how long it takes her to get bored and start complaining about all of the work. If she can't fit it into her schedule or can't be bothered to learn, then you have your answer. It's got to be more than a couple days because you have to let the novelty wear off. If there is a legit reason - no ride to your house or something, then write up a diary for a week or so. Keep a time log of all the work that you do - getting up an hour early to clean pens and feed before school, activities you pass on because you have responsibilities with your animals.

I have a co-worker that has gone through 6 dogs in the time I've known her.
1 puppy died of parvo - shots and a vet visit was too expensive. she left the puppy to die on the back deck while she went to work!!
1 dog shot because she couldn't be bothered to not let him wander.
2 different dogs hit by a car because it was too much of a hassle to remember to put them on the tie-out.
2 more given away once the puppy cuteness wore off.
1 gotten rid of because he was a rat terrier and she was annoyed that he, of all things, liked to hunt rats

For her, she was in love with the cute little puppy. The work and commitment of owning a dog, however, was just too much. She wanted something that could her love and attention and needed nothing in return.

 

[punk-a-doodle]

This friend is not a sociopath, unless using it in a general "someone I personally feel doesn't have enough empathy" manner. Sociopathy is still argued about, but generally is seen as a subgroup of antisocial PD (which in and of itself is still being explored and debated). There are specific criteria and patterns of thought and behavior. I find the term sociopathy to be most often applied to the people who actually aren't sociopaths, and not applied enough to those who are. For instance, applying the term 'sociopath' to someone with OCPD is not accurate, although someone with OCPD may act in very self-centered ways, sometimes with physical abuse enacted on others. (Not that all people with OCPD are physically abusive...think of things like disorders in terms of spectrums.) In addition, sociopaths...actually personally met a very textbook case who followed this pattern, may be actively involved in things such as charities, or other activities socially viewed as altruistic. It is not uncommon to hear in interviews after the cover is blown comments such as, "I...I just can't believe it...he seemed like such a good man".

The friend sounds more like people I see who either are drawing from their family life, have poor parental involvement, or who have issues...for a variety of reasons...with understanding cause and effect, grasping personal involvement, and with impulse control. Sometimes this is a cultural issue, and sometimes it is a more narrow family environment or personality issue. Ie. In a rural area I used to live in, it was standard to let your dog/cat roam loose and become irate with whoever happened to eventually hit the animal. This would not fly in the current urban culture I am in. It will actually land you with several fees, and is typically viewed as being 'irresponsible' and 'uncaring'. In contrast, in the rural area, letting animals roam loose was viewed as being the norm and also allowing the animals to live a life of better quality than being kept indoors. It was the urban way of treating animals that was seen as being 'uncaring'. Note, I am not saying which view I think is correct, or more correct. The following examples are purely to illustrate how cultural differences, even within a county or a state, can be drastic. Another example is that those in the rural area viewed animals as livestock, so typically did not fix any pets, gave minimal care to their animals, etc. Those in my current urban area tend to fall into the other extreme of spending large amounts of money on their animals, and having actively pursued laws in place for altering pets. I have heard of both groups losing goats to urinary calculi, but I hear about it happening most often in wethers that are kept for pet purposes. Is this a personal lapse in the friend's research, or is it also a broader cultural one? It sounds like the OP had not heard of it before, and I know plenty of people who have not...including those with livestock goats or pet goats. Is there a pattern of this person losing animals in preventable ways. I would say yes to that. Is this an unfixable pattern? Very doubtful. This situation sounds like simple animal husbandry education and example will go very far.

OP, you always have final say with your animals as far as sales go. You have a right to say "no", and there are many ways to say it. Whether you let your friend know what you think of her animal care or not is also up to you. It sounds like you are aware of other people's feelings and viewpoints, so I wouldn't expect anything you end up saying to be overly harsh or inappropriate. I might expect your friend to not take any obvious attempts of education or change in animal care to heart if it came from you. This isn't at all to do with you as a person, but rather because this might force your friend to fully realize that the deaths were preventable. That can be a hard pill to swallow all at once.

 

[MinxFox]

Soo true everyone. You have all really helped and I think even if my friend doesn't listen it can't hurt to try and help her out because it sure would make me feel a little better to know that at least I tried instead of keeping my mouth shut.

 

[zzGypsy]

you have courage, generosity, and heart.
that's a lovely thing.

do keep us posted how it goes with her.

 

[hilareee]

 

[debilorrah]

Throwing a dog into a pool unexpectedly is not simply a lack of education. It is an underlying mean streak.

 

[punk-a-doodle]

Agreed Deb, that instance is not simply a lack of education, and did not mean to imply that. However, it can be anything from mirroring the sort of actions that go on inside a family to having one (or more) of several issues resulting in poor impulse control/issues with relating to others or reality. It was hard to tell from the description, but if the act was truly as random as it sounds, the latter becomes even more likely. If the dog had been thrown in as a punishment for an action, or was tossed after something like the OP saying, "oh, I really just love that dog", then I'd definitely be posting a different reply than the one above. There does not appear to be a conscious and patterned use of power/degrading going on that would indicate some of the disorders marked by a lack of empathy/deliberate attempts to cause pain (not limited to sociopathy). The reactions and actions of the friend as described leave much room to believe that the various behaviors shown are more open to alteration. 'Course, the issue with. Internet posts is that they may fail to convey crucial details. I'm personally pretty curious about both the area the friend lives in and her family life.

Let us know how it goes Minx, both with the birds, and if you do say something. I'm not sure what kind of area you are in, but in my current city, as of very recently, you can actually have legal action taken against you for leaving your dog in an outside kennel or tie-out for extended periods of time. We also have laws about loose animals. There may be other behavior from your friend that involves local laws, and can either be tactfully used in a discussion, or can help you better assess how your friend's behavior relates to the local norm.

 

[MinxFox]

I will see her either Wed. or Thur. depending on if she is at Church or not. Her throwing the dog in the pool was something that happened a few years ago so I don't remember if I said anything about the dog or something before she threw it but all I remember is just how sudden it was. That was a very cute little dog.

 

[redhen]

Yep...
Thats a serious SICK streak in a person... its not being uneducated or just "impulsive"

..its someone who lacks REAL empathy for other living creatures..
Its a SERIOUS thing and not something to take lightly...
Along with all her other animals dying... yeah....

 

[punk-a-doodle]

No one is taking it lightly as far as I know. I'm simply not cool with calling an apple and orange. See it way to often.