Funniest Facebook Statuses You've Ever Read

[sfw2]

Just got this one from one of my daughter's friends:

Cigarettes are like squirrels... perfectly harmless, until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.

 

[woodmort]

I just stole the Google and zombie ones and posted them in retaliation for all the crap that my fb friends keep posting.

ETA: Now they are reposting them all over cyberspace.

 

[rebelcowboysnb]

Some of mine..

gonomonosifiliaids.... Nuff said!

picking nose

changed later that day to

eating buggers​

 

[chickencrazymamahen]

Today's favorite:

Figured out why I'm so fat. The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my body says, "for extra volume and body." Going to start using Dawn dishwashing soap. It says, "dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."

 

[sfw2]

Quote:

 

[Tigerstripes]

If you repeatedly poke the internet card with a pencil and sing 'This Little Light Of Mine', the green light will come on and the internet works! True fact.

 

[debilorrah]

A friend of mine posted:

Friday night pokefest!!!

Her friend posted:

Oh that is way to sexual for me.

My friend:

It is SOOOO not sexual. I poked your son!!!

 

[vfem]

Just saw one and I couldn't stop laughing!

"****** - I slept like an air traffic controller last night!"

 

[bt03]

Quote:
53 pages later my head hurts from laughing for hours....

 

[catwalk]

"Satan's three biggest lies:
1. He doesn't exist
2. Salvation through works
3. Black goes with everything"