Funny fart stories: you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll gag!!

[lovemychix]

When I get a minute I am going to read this whole thread. Sick Sick Sick peeps you are! BTW: I added a little story but not about my gas when I was preggo with my first child.

 

[Jolyn]

I cannot believe i am going to actually type this out to share on this board. How sick of me.....

When i was in ninth grade i was not feeling well in school one day. I had gone to the nurses office several times and i just had to go home. I had walked down to the cafeteria to ask my friend to call her older sister to pick me up when i got the worst wiff of the toasted cheese sandwiches and tomato soup that was being prepared for that days lunch. It hit me soooooooo hard that i had to run as fast as i could up the stairs, down the hall and bang through the front doors of the school. I stumbled to the railing and leaned over just in time to barf everywhere. As i barfed i also let out the loudest fart i've ever heard. After finishing up my vomit that wouldn't seem to stop i straightened up, tried to compose myself and turned around.....

TO THE ENTIRE SENIOR CLASS RETURNING FROM A FIELD TRIP!!!!!!!

I was soooooooo humiliated i could have died. Thank God i moved the following year.

 

[Darin115]

I have way too many ofthese stories!!!!

When I was in college me and my buddy commuted to UNCG every day. We took turns driving to save on gas. One bright beautiful day we had parked in the parking deck and was making our way to the business school. Robbie was walking in front of me and I felt a major pain in the pit of my stomach. I knew it was coming. I figured I would blast it out and have a good laugh with my buddy. I looked around,to my left, to my right and a quick glance over my shoulder. No one was within hearing distance. So I thought.
There was a rumbling that just blared out. I am positive it echoed off the surrounding buildings!!!!! I started laughing and Robbie started to chuckle. He turns around and I see the smile leave his face. He said you nasty, sick bas_a_d!!!! I said what?????? Still laughing. I glanced around again but just a little farther. There was a girl right on my heels. She was within 3 feet and I am sure it almost knocked her down. She made a hard left turn and gave me a nasty look as she passed me. I wanted to crawl under a rock!!! That very day I passed her and some of her friends in the hall and she pointed me out to her friends and they all had a good laugh.

Last one I promise!!!! I got really sick when I was 23. I quit eating for 3 weeks. I thought I was not going to make it. The Drs thought I was not going to make it. They sent me to a GI Dr. SHe quickly scheduled me for a colonoscopy. That evening I had to do the laxitives and other things that go along with it. THe next morning I get wheeled in the room and off to sleep I go. I finally wake up in the recovery room. There sat my wife, my mother, my father and a pretty little nurse. It took me a few minutes to realize that I was in this world. I was still high as a kite from the meds but I knew what was going on. The Dr comes in and tells me that I have Chrones Disease. I was actually happy that I was not gonna die. Anyway, after she leaves the pretty little nurse comes in and tells me that if I have gas pain that I should lay on my right side and let it out. If I tried to hold it in I not be able to stand the pain. No one told me that to do the test they have to pump you slam full of air and at some point that air has to come out. I said do you mean fart????? She said yes. But not to be embarassed because she hears it all the time. I said you will not hear it from me. My mom leaves, my dad leaves and my wife goes to the restroom. All of a sudden I double over in severe pain. I am dead set on holding this in until I can get out of there. About 30 seconds later I realize that there is no way that I can do this any longer. I decide to roll over on my right side and slowely let this air out. Silently!!!!! WRONG!!!! It starts and I swear I could not stop it. It was horrendous. It kept on going and going and going!!!! It was not stopping. It felt wonderful. It was echoing in the cubicle that I was in. The only thing holding the noise in was a curtain. I thought maybe no one is outside my cubicle. After a good 30 seconds it stopped. As soon as it stopped the curtain flys open and the pretty little nurse pops her head in and said I heard that!!!!! About 5 other nurses bust into laughter. Even the other patients started laughing. I wanted to crawl up under the bed and never come out. My wife come back into the room and said was that you?????? She said she heard it in the waiting room!! She was no help. I was waiting for the applause as I left. The pretty little nurse came up and hugged me as I left. She was still laughing.

This story is nothing. You should hear about my next visit to the GI Dr. It is not appropriate to type on the boards!!!!!

Darin

 

[JennsPeeps]

Remember: a fart is just a turd honking for the passing lane!


I have a private office, where I can toot in relative privacy. However... sometimes I'll let out a bubble and before it can dissapate, someone will walk in to chat with me. I sit there and pretend it doesn't reek like colon in there.

The worst was when I was borrowing an exercise ball from a coworker. Those things amplify the toots!!

 

[maplesky7]

guess what.....





















I farted. Must have been the brocolli soup.

 

[JennsPeeps]

Quote:
Knew I smelled some funk...

 

[maplesky7]

actually...it wasn't that bad.


meat ones are foul...these are just airy.

 

[JennsPeeps]

Oh dear, I disagree. Broccoli farts are pretty darn cabbage-y!

 

[FrenchHen]

chili with undried beans whose water hasn't been changed often enough is worse.

almost as bad as homemade hummus and whole wheat pita.

or wheat chex.

Husband hates it when I eat wheat chex.

 

[JennsPeeps]

DBF doesn't allow me to eat Kashi GoLean anymore. He calls it Kashi GoFart.

My butt becomes a wind tunnel when I eat that cereal. But gosh, how I love the stuff!!!