Funny fart stories: you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll gag!!

[bluie]

Does anybody know about Safety and Door Knob? It must be a Long Island thing. It is very popular among preteen boys. When you fart, you must loudly say "SAFETY!" If you do not shout that when you fart, then anyone around you has the right to shout "DOORKNOB!" and start punching you as much as they want. The only way to make them stop is to touch a doorknob. The worst thing you can do is fart inside a tent. You will be black and blue from the punches.

I automatically say Safety everytime I fart.

 

[ams3651]

on my moms side of the family every time we get together and there is baked beans someone will inevitable ask how many beans are in there and someone will reply...........two thrity nine because if there was one more it would be two fourty. Get it? say it quickly...... too farty

 

[dixiechick]

Okay...here is my contribution to this hilarity:

I have a very good prankster friend who was telling me that he ambushed a very annoying prissy-missy in his church. She was always "just so" and drew attention to herself for others being "beneath her station in life." For example, while others would SING out of the hymnal, she would insist on a solo where she WHISTLED the entire song.

Nothing doing...he set her in his sites. He got one of those remote control woopie cushion things and set it under her chair in the choir. He, of course, was not in the choir...then, he waited. True to form, she offered her "showboating skills"..to which he began to assassinate the poor woman. She had microphone and all, which only amplified the sounds coming from beneath her chair. He, like the other members of the church, began to look around as if to say, "was that what I think it was???"

I do believe that was her last performance...as they say, "the fat lady DID sing."

 

[lilshadow]

My number 2 son was in the floor playing with the new kitten we had just picked up. He was in the position where his butt was in the air with his head on the floor teasing the little cat, and all of a sudden he let one rip. The kitten hissed, jumped 2 feet in the air and swatted his back side then ran off.

 

[rooster0209]

OMG, these stories are so funny that i am crying.

My Uncle is the orneriest person ever. He married a very prim and proper lady. He was always farting on her & around her constantly. He even did the old "pull the covers over her head and fart" trick. After a few years of this behavior, she had enough. She got ready for bed one night and felt a fart coming on. She removed her panties and sat on his lap. (he was in shorts ready for bed too) He starting thinking about something else, obviously. She farted, only it was a runny fart. My Uncle yells, "you sh-t on me, you sh-t on me". My Aunt, calmly gets up and walks off. He has never farted on her since.

now me..
We were shopping in Walmart and I had an upset stomach, it was a stressful shopping trip around the holidays. DH knew I didnt feel good, so he runs down to the end to get the milk. Coming back he wonders what I think is so funny. I couldnt hold the fart in any longer and just let it rip. The smell was so bad, that I left the isle and stood at the end of another isle, waiting on DH. I was laughing at all the people who walked thru the 'green cloud'. Mothers would wave their hands, one little boy stopped and clapped both hands over his mouth and nose. DH just couldn't believe I was so amused. He always asks if I am feeling ok, before we go into walmart.

 

[the1much]

i once farted soooo bad,, 5 people around me thought they did

 

[JennsPeeps]

Quote:
You've got to be an east coaster with an accent or know one to get this joke.

Keep 'em coming, BYCers... we all need more laughs!!

 

[fosterchick]

OMG I have been laughin so hard that I am now wiping my tears. My kids keep asking what is so funny.

Now I must tell you about the funniest fart, that I know. When I was a teen, my mother, my younger sisters and myself went out the the local grocery store. My mother asked one of my sisters to bend down to get something off the shelf. Just as my sister bend over, another customer bend down next to her. This customers face was in the area of my sister's butt. The next thing we heard was my sister farting in the poor lady's face. We all left the guilty sister and the other lady in the isle. We acted like we didn't even know who she (sister) was. We were in the next isle laughing our brains out. It has been 20 years and we still laugh about that one time in the store.

 

[eggers85]

I can't stop laughing!

 

[HorseFeathers]

Oh man you guys are so immature...
That being said I'm busting my gut laughing!