Funny fart stories: you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll gag!!

[ams3651]

oh I see mention of the SBD, I know it well. My cousin was lactose intollerant, they lived in Florida, we live in Pa. He would eat a big bowl of ice cream the night before they left to drive back home.

And I would like to say I dont have one good story, I live amoung men. My 6 year old will let one loose sometimes that everyone turns a looks at him because it sounds like his 17 year old brother. Who still by the way thinks its funny to fart in each others faces. My boyfriend has the most amazing digestive system, right on cue. Onions, beans, eggs, etc and insists on mumbling "Excuse me" after each one even if there are 3 in 5 minutes, which means it will continue!

Oh I do have one, we were spotting dear one night (with a spotlight for our less redneck friends) my older son was maybe 10 and bf's daughter about 8. Boyfriend opened door to get out of the front, stuck his but back in the door, let one rip (SBD) and closed the door. His daughter who had been the victim many times before knew what was coming and covered her face with the blanket but moments later you hear my son yelling just as the cloud hit him. We laughed so hard.

 

[WriterofWords]

My brother can fart on command, and you know exactly when because if he is sitting you can see him hiking up that side of his bum then he laughs like a hyena! And everyone around faints.

 

[FrenchHen]

Why do the worst of them seem to come when one is in the bathtub?

 

[DuckLady]

Ok, now that I can talk and type.......

I was visiting at my Dad's when my grandmother's car drove up, the door opened and my 7 year old twin half brothers ( 19 years younger then me) were ejected in the driveway.
My grandmother drove off with a screech of the tires. The boy were bewildered.

Soon the phone rang. It was Grandma. Dad put it on speaker phone because he knew it had to be good.
She sounbded like a radio and someone was turning the tuning knob back and forth

"WELL!.....rude....oh!....illmannered....I never......your sons.....public.....never have I......awful.....laughing.......Oh!!....horrible.....May Company......loud......oh MY!!!....cant stand it......never again......
CLICK

So Dad asks what happened.

Seems Grandma was at May Company looking at clothes and looked around and didn't see anyone (not counting the boys) and farted. (Never fart around 7 year olds.)
The boys started yelling "Grandma LET ONE!! You LET ONE, Grandma! Say EXCUSE ME!!!", just in case she didn't realize. Well, Grandma, being a Southern Lady, didn't appreciate the lapse in manners. She grabbed the boys and took them home and dropped them off, never saying a word the whole way.

She got home in about 5 minutes and called my Dad to let him know what heathens he was raising.

I think we laughed until we hurt so bad we had to stop.

 

[JennsPeeps]

My mom is the queen of farting while walking: each foot fall is a little "put put put", like an old car starting up.

She used to be a secretary for a neurosurgeon who was also a lawyer. One day she was supposed to show a group to the conference room for a deposition of some kind. She had to fart but was taking teensy steps to keep the bubbles from bursting forth. She successfully got all the lawyers and brain surgeons settled in the conference room and was headed out the door when her put put put puttering behind started going. She tried to keep her conposure, knowing that she has just farted in front of all these people.

then she had to close the door so they could have a private meeting. There were no windows to open for fresh air, so those people had to sit in her stale farts for god only knows how long.

 

[texaschickmama]

different types of farts:
a fizz, a fuzz, a fuzzy fizz, a fizzy fuzz, a rip****, tear ***, and the kind that go beep

 

[porteryork]

My younger brother just loves the whole farting thing. Even the dogs get up and leave if he says "pull my finger."

 

[ams3651]

oh my I just remembered the best story that put all of us in tears. My friends grandmother was trying on shoes in the shoe store. The guy was putting on the next pair when she squeeked one out, she was so embarrassed she left when he went back to get another pair. Well she for got her umbrella and despite her embarrassment she had to go back and get it. When she walked in she saw the salesman and got so flustered she said "I forgot my fart". Then grabbed it and left in a hurry.

 

[luvmychicknkids]

Quote:
Every story here has been sooooooooooo funny but this one just left me in tears!!! Afraid I am going to wake the kids laughing!!!

 

[JennsPeeps]

DBF keeps turning to me every time I snicker - invariably about someone's awful fart story - and asking me if I'm going to read him yet another fart story.